Today's Novella… The Dream Team.


Today’s blog is about my caregivers. This could bore some of you but those of you with caregivers it might be slightly interesting and make you laugh. There will not be any photos (if you need photos, go to Pinterest) today because most of my caregivers are undocumented and I don’t want them arrested and hauled back to their countries where the minimum wage $.35 a day. And also, today’s blog is kind of long so if you have ADD try to check it today and get through the blog. :-) We will definitely get back to our cooking series tomorrow… Spaghetti carbonara… But today it’s all about caregivers.

Remember when Yolanda got so much backlash when she called some of the girls her “Dream Team” on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. That was funny. Well, I’m going to use the word… Dream team, Dream Team, Dream Team! Yes, it has finally happened… I have my own personal Dream Team. I’m talking about my caregivers. By the way, my husband always annoyingly calls my caregivers my “caretakers.” It drives me crazy and I have to scream at him, “They are not caretakers! A caretaker takes care of property and horses, not your ailing beautiful wife, you Dingdong.” Yes, we have a very mature relationship. Anyway, back to The Dream Team.…

After I was diagnosed with ALS in June 2011, I needed a caregiver almost immediately. I remember going to my kitchen, opening my refrigerator door, grasping the handle of the milk container (half-gallon) and I started to pull it out to put it on the kitchen island and BOOM! It dropped to the floor. One month into my diagnosis and I could not lift a container of milk? Well, this looks like it’s going to be a fun ride. No one was home with me so I just left the milk on the floor and then I kicked it. I was furious that I knew that I would need some help. The last thing that I wanted was someone in my house helping me brush my teeth!

I had no idea what I was getting myself into with the world of caregivers. Looking back, I now feel like I have enough experience with caregivers to tell you that most caregivers should not be caregivers. Honestly, the only caregiver anyone should ever have is their mother. However, since I don’t have that I have to rely on mostly morons to take care of me. Let me state for the record that I would be a horrible caregiver. I don’t even like when someone else blows their nose. It grosses me out. David was sick a couple of weeks ago and I literally wanted him to move out of the house until he was better. These past four years with my caregivers has been quite a challenge and it has been a hilarious road…

I knew I didn’t want someone “hovering” over me so I decided to hire my housekeeper as my first official/unofficial caregiver. She was already at the house so why not? I cannot remember her name but I knew I liked her. She was from Mexico and on top of cleaning my house and watching over me she made the best breakfast burritos with homemade salsa that I have ever had. Unfortunately, two weeks into her job at my house she fell while she was Texas line dancing and broke her thumb and finger. Apparently there was some nerve damage and she showed up to my house with a giant bloodied disgusting Band-Aid over her thumb and finger and said, “I can still make you salsa.” Uhhh, no thank you. One caregiver down.

My second caregiver has been my favorite so far and I love her with all of my heart. Paulina. Paulina has been through the trenches with me and I will always be thankful for her. Paulina started as my housekeeper as well and just morphed into my caregiver. Paulina is from Mexico and did not speak one lick of English but somehow it didn’t matter because she knew exactly what I needed. Paulina saw me go from a girl who could walk and use her arms to a girl who could do nothing for herself. It was a gradual decline and Paulina was there for me every second of the way. Paulina did not judge me when all of my friends came over one night and drank all the alcohol in the house, smoked 400 cigarettes and sang karaoke until 4 o’clock in the morning. I did not judge Paulina when she drank tequila shots and smoked cigarettes while she took care of me. Who cares. Paulina hated Gracie because Gracie left little trails of messes wherever she went. Paulina went everywhere with us and has seen every squabble between David and I for two years and she didn’t care and luckily she didn’t call the police. I owe Paulina my life because she saved me from two German Shepherd attack dogs that were on top of me. (Long story, it will be in the book.) When Paulina put me in the car for the last time as we were leaving for Europe, she looked at me and I looked at her and we both started crying because we knew it was the last time we would ever see each other. That’s the nature of ALS.

I had a quick caregiver whose name I cannot remember. She lasted about a week. She was a super organized, super pretty, super bitch. She helped me organize Gracie’s entire graduation party and on graduation day super bitch decided not to show up for work so I had no one to help me with Gracie’s party. Luckily my sister was there and super bitch met her match with my sister. My sister fired her via text as fast as you can say, “New caregiver please!”

My next two caregivers were psychotic. I don’t even remember their names. I think they were from Peru. We took the both of them to France with us and from the airport in Los Angeles, David and I knew there was going to be trouble but it was too late… They were coming with us. Their family acted as if we were kidnapping them. They started fighting with each other the second we got to France. One thought that the other wasn’t pulling her weight. One of them left every day to go to the casino which just infuriated the fuck out of the other one. David and I secretly called them Tweedledee and Tweedledum. At one point, Tweedledee pulled Tweedledum’s hair so I knew it was time for them to go. Even though I was furious at them for their behavior and for the fact that David now had to pay for their flights back to America after only three weeks, I acted like a lady and politely said, “I can see that you are not happy here so if you would like to return to America, feel free.” Well, apparently this did not go over so well with my nosy sister-in-law who marched over to me and said, “Eleanor, we don’t do that in France.” I did not speak to her for one year. I ignored my sister-in-law and her unsolicited French advise and sent Tweedledee and Tweedledum back to America. We are now down two more caregivers.

My next caregiver, Virginie, was actually a French teacher. She was on a break from her job and needed work so we hired her. She was great. We sat out in the sunshine every day and she gave me French lessons. The incident with my sister-in-law started World War III at my husband’s family’s house where we were staying so I was forced to move to Paris. Poor me. However, I did not have a caregiver in Paris. Virginie suggested that I hire her sister who was a caregiver in Paris. Perfect, I thought. Not so fast… Her sister turned out to be kind of a disaster. She was nice but had her own personal demons. I started to put her story together bit by bit. It turns out that she was a former meth addict and did not even have custody of her own children and yet she was a caregiver! She would take calls from some guy, ask to borrow my clothes, go out all night and not show up for work the next day. If my caregiver does not show up for work that means all hell breaks loose at my house. She insisted that I meet her mother-in-law who claimed it to be a Cambodian Princess in exile in Paris. Okay, and I am a Rockefeller. On top of all of that, she would insist on doing my makeup. She was convinced that I looked beautiful but I actually looked like a French prostitute. So, I had to let her go and now we are down another caregiver. How many is that now? 45?

My next caregiver, Fode, was remarkable in every way… Good and bad. Fode was a tall, gorgeous, tattooed African Muslim who only spoke French. He was a complete dichotomy. He practiced his faith religiously during the day and then at night he was a completely different person going to clubs. Fode loved fashion and was always impeccably dressed and would choose my outfits for me. We spent most of our days out and about around Paris. I took him to the Azzedine Alaia exhibit because I knew that Fode would be inspired because our man Fode made clothing in his spare time. After our museums and exhibits, Fode and I would go to a café and drink wine. I would have a glass and he would have three. He would talk to about 15 girls on the telephone and then call his wife. His wife wanted to talk to me because she did not believe that I had ALS and that her husband was my caregiver. This is how the conversation went… “Yes I have ALS, yes I am paralyzed, no, I’m not sleeping with your husband.” Fode would spend the mornings at my house checking his Facebook account, drinking wine and having French bread and then he would go to the bathroom and secretly pray to Allah five times a day. He treated me with the absolute utmost respect and we laughed all day. He protected me like a sister and he thought Gracie was hysterical and was very protective over her as well. My mother, who was staying with me in Paris, was totally rude and dismissive towards Fode and made it apparent that her hillbilly racism never left her Southern roots. I adored Fode. Whenever he could not button up my pants because I was such a fatty he called me Madame Kilo. However, he was the most unreliable caregiver I have ever had. He never arrived to work on time even once. 50% of the time he just would not show up. But for some reason, we could never get mad at him because he was so sweet. Finally though, we had to part ways because I actually did need a caregiver… Not a buddy. Another caregiver down.

Enter Nabin. My beloved Nabin. He is a little bit like David in that you love him and hate him at the same time. Nabin has been my most loyal caregiver and has been with me since I got to Paris. We have been through everything together. I can honestly say that I trust him with my life. We have been to every museum in Paris together, he has pushed me in my wheelchair countless miles around Paris, lapped the fleamarket with me for hours, dined with us at every restaurant, traveled with us, gone through every emergency hospital procedure with me, cooked for me, had to take my cat in a taxicab to get neutered, had to pick up all of my “necessities” at the pharmacy including Microlax (don’t ask), bathed me, brushed my hair and put my makeup on. Nabin is from Nepal and does not have a mean bone in his body. However, he thinks that vacuuming my apartment is beneath him even though he sees David do it every day. Nabin doesn’t give a shit about my “famous friends or my fabulous life or my gorgeous boobs” and that is why I like him. Nabin basically sits in the other room and ignores me… Like my cat. I like that about him. He is also the only person that I feel comfortable with sleeping at my apartment when David is gone. Sometimes he has to get up 15 times a night to help me. He has only gotten passive aggressively pissed off 400 times. I’m pretty sure he drugged me once with a sleeping pill but he’s not saying. He sort of likes Gracie but it is her fault because she is a mute around him. Nabin still works for me or maybe he doesn’t… I don’t know… I hope so.

Next up, Aminata. Aminata looks and smells like sugar. I have never met anyone with such a pure heart. Aminata is however, not Team Ellie. She is Team David. She treats me like her own child… Like her fifth annoying child who wasn’t planned. She is the mother of four children and does not have time for my bullshit. She is all business. She is an African from Mali and a devout Muslim who only speaks French and her native language. Aminata looks at me and says in French, “I’m going to go pray for you.” I know what that really means. What she really means is, “You obnoxious, spoiled little America. If you knew what the real world is all about, you would crumble.” She spent the summer in Mali and upon her return I said to her, “How was your trip to Africa? Did you come back with Ebola?” She just rolled her eyes at me. She changes her clothing five times a day into a beautiful Muslim gown and goes to the bathroom and prays for my sorry ass. She and David secretly mock me in the kitchen the entire weekend in their secret language (French). She cannot make toast, she doesn’t understand the concept of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and will not order anything when we go out to eat. She thinks all of our food is disgusting. When she feeds me my lunch she usually doesn’t use a fork (mostly her fingers) and I am horrified but I don’t want to hurt her feelings so I say nothing and expect the worst. Do they not use forks in Mali? When she pushes my wheelchair down the street it is as if I have a bodyguard. I actually feel like I am her oversized retarded baby in a stroller. I have actually seen her physically push people out of my way. When we are at the farmers market, she snaps her fingers at the vendors so that I will be able to select my vegetables first.  I know she loves me because when I am sad or scared she hugs me into her bosom and we all know that that is the safest place on earth. She likes Gracie. Gracie is scared of her.

Next up, Fofanna. Fofanna is a dropdead gorgeous African Muslim from Sierra Leone. If our lives had been different, I am sure that Fofanna and I would have been best friends at my all-girls private school. She would’ve been the cool pretty girl at school that everyone wants to be friends with. However, unfortunately, Fofanna was not as lucky as I. She comes from a family that never let her step foot inside of a school. Her family believed that school was only for the boys. Fofanna cannot read nor write but speaks two languages which is more than I can say for myself. She shows up at my apartment with a different headscarf every day and looks like a fashion model. She also, five times a day, heads to the bathroom and prays. She hates violence and loud noises. Fofanna cannot cook and has no idea how to “keep a house.” I asked her one day to trim my flowers and put fresh water in the vase. She came back a few minutes later with a vase full of fresh water and a bouquet of just flower stems. She had lopped off all of the tops of the flowers. All I could do was laugh. She is scared of David and never knows how many hours she has worked because she cannot count so we just pay her extra because we love her extra. She absolutely adores Gracie. Unfortunately for me, Fofanna got pregnant and can no longer work. When she told me that she was pregnant I must have given her a funny look because she said, “No, you cannot have my baby.” Another caregiver down…

Ugh… Daniela. Caregiver number 472. I am going to be fair and point out both Daniela’s attributes and her faults. Daniela can cook and clean and organize better than anyone I have ever met. She is a high-class housekeeper. She has worked for Nina Ricci, Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Lawrence in Paris. However, she is also a high-class pain in the ass. She came to work every day with some sort of problem and complained every day and all day. She had to spend the night with me once while David was out of town. Thank God I had Gracie as backup because Daniela fell asleep on the couch after watching 12 hours of the French version of America’s Got Talent and I screamed for her for a solid half hour in the middle of the night and she did not hear me. I could hear her snoring. Finally, after 45 minutes, Gracie was in the guest room sound asleep and heard me screaming and came to my rescue. Daniela acted as if nothing was wrong. Thanks caregiver number 472. I put up with it for a while because she straightened my curtains perfectly but as the months progressed I honestly thought she was bringing me down. Part of my survival with ALS is having a positive attitude and I cannot be surrounded by toxic people no matter how good their Boeuf Bourguignon is. She also stole a pack of cigarettes so obvs, I had to fire her. Excuse me, I mean, “Let her go.” Gracie hated her.

Caregiver number 473… Can’t remember her name. We hired her on a recommendation from Aminata… They are cousins. She came to my house, said she would pray for me, went to my living room and plopped her fat ass on my 19th century Napoleon III chaise longue… And fell asleep! That was her first and last day working for us.

I interviewed an Algerian girl for the caregiver position but I was pretty much convinced that she was going to kidnap me, take me back to her country and sell me as a sex slave. I saw the movie Taken for God sake. When I told Gracie this, she said, “You’re so full of yourself.” Regardless, she was not hired.

I also interviewed a Moroccan girl for the caregiver position but I was pretty much convinced that she was a practicing witch. Not hired.

I also interviewed an Indian young man who was impeccably dressed. However, both of his eyes were going the opposite direction and it quite honestly made me dizzy. Not hired.

Next up… Ayra. Ayra, Ayra, Ayra. Bless her heart. Ayra is a trained nurse from the Philippines. She was the one that was here during my respiratory illness. Poor little Ayra. She just didn’t have the strength to deal with David and me during a stressful moment. I think we quite literally scared her to death. The look on her face during the entire week was of sheer terror. Scared that I was going to die, scared of David, scared of me, scared David was going to kill me, scared I was going to kill David and just scared of the whole situation. Trauma nurse she is not. I kept telling her that she needed to be proactive and aggressive. This was not in her nature and I could not force it. I did not feel safe with her even though I adored her because she was so sweet. She was also late all the time. Sometimes two hours late. David could never pronounce her name either so we had to let her go. The only problem is that I do not have the heart to tell her that she does not work here anymore. I am not good with those kinds of things contrary to popular belief so I just haven’t called her. I promise I will today though… Or tomorrow. Not sure if she liked Grace.

Enter Part One of the Dream Team… Victor. Victor is Ayra’s cousin. He is by far my most favorite caregiver along with Part Two of the Dream Team… Joel. Let’s start with Victor. Victor has a heart of gold and calls me Madame… So obviously what’s not to love? He is strong, smart, gentle and he can do laundry like nobody’s business. Even though he is totally straight and has a girlfriend… I know that there is a gay man hiding in there. He literally does everything perfectly. I have never had this in a caregiver. They always fuck up somewhere but not Victor. You should see the way he makes my bed… It is as fluffy as a marshmallow , my curtains pleats are perfect, he makes the best tea, organizes my accessories, hand washes my cashmere sweaters, perfectly dresses me, arranges flowers, is a great photographer for Instagram, always gives me a little spray of perfume, puts my hair in the perfect chignon, handles my feeding tube with care, does my makeup like a pro, and takes care of me and my house like a champion. He is also the one who helped me with my books. Every time Victor is leaving the apartment after his day with me I always yell, “You’re my favorite!” I’m not used to such good care and I feel like the Queen of Sheba. On top of all of this, Victor’s smile melts your heart. When he smiles at you, you almost want to cry. And he also likes Grace.

Completing The Dream Team is Joel. He is Filipino as well and I can tell you with the utmost certainty that he is so overqualified for this job that I’m actually ashamed. He needs to be working at an embassy somewhere as Chief of Protocol. He speaks three language fluently, can cook French, Italian, Chinese and Japanese, he does my blog perfectly, knows how to perfectly set tea, makes sure I have all of my medicine on time, is so polite it’s disgusting, and makes me feel safe, secure and well cared for because he has confidence in himself. This is new for me. Dare I say it in fear of jinxing it? I’ll just say it… He is the best caregiver I’ve ever had. And he likes Grace.

So, there you have it… After four years of ALS, I finally feel like I have the right team. Now let’s just hope they don’t quit.

*Something you don’t know about me? I could not write my blog yesterday because of the terrorist attack in Paris. Gracie was in the neighborhood where the shooting was. She was terrified and I felt helpless. I called an Uber car and it picked her up within four minutes at her front door and brought her to my apartment. We sat in my bed all day watching the news, horrified by the events unfolding. My first reaction was that I felt bad for all of the peaceful non-radical Muslims. These are the people who pray for me and take care of me. My morning nurse who gives me a bath is Muslim and she told me today that she does not feel comfortable wearing her headscarf on the streets of Paris today. That made me sad. There are bad seeds in every religion who “over interpret” the word of their religion and I think it’s important that we do not judge one religion as a whole. Okay, that’s it for today… Carry on. :-)


38 comments:

  1. Okay so I was horrified when I read your explanation of caretaker v caregiver! I'm so sorry! I've made that mistake. And English is my first language so I really don't have an excuse. But know that I love horses so much more than people, so to equate you with one was an accidental act of affection.
    Im so glad you've finally assembled a dream team. I could see how you would crave a housekeeping caregiver first, as I would imagine the running of your house is crucial to your well being and what you hate to lose the most. I'm terribly impressed that someone can have the mental fortitude to be a caregiver and also the steady hand to do makeup. I'm a hairstylist and I can't even do makeup (unless you're going for Impressionist looking smudges of eyeshadow and haphazard strokes of lip color).
    I am so glad you and your family are safe. What a terrible ordeal, and so shocking. I feel so sorry for Muslims that they are largely vilified based on actions of extremists.
    And lastly, I had to fight the temptation to email you and tell you that I'm...acquainted...with the hairstylist, Kyle, who was doing Bella's hair for the photo shoot in this week's episode. We bonded because it was 3AM and we both weren't eating that week. So we were distracting our late night hunger pangs on grindr, obviously. He still lived here at that time.

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    1. OMG, grindr! Is it as bad as tinder? A certain someone I know uses tinder religiously!

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    2. grindr is tinder's gay ancestor. I haven't used tinder, but grindr was pretty ridiculous in the 2009-2011 window I used it. It's (or was) perhaps the only place on earth where it's standard operation to see someone naked, but presumptuous to ask for a phone number. Your profile was restricted to 140 characters at that time, and I always had fun with that part. I think my favorite was headline: "show me your big, black..." Profile:"...Range Rover." Hahaha I knew it was time for me to quit grindr when my profile was "I'm really just looking for a WASP who drives a Volvo". That one didn't get much traction.

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  2. I read your post then sat for a while and wondered how I would feel if I had to have someone doing everything for me. I can understand how it has taken so long to find your Dream Team' . My sister and I had to care for my mother for about 6 weeks and once a day a carer would come in to help bathe her. I was astounded by the type of person that felt they were suited to the job. Sadly it isn t a profession that is highly rated but it takes a rare person who can do it well with understanding

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  3. Ellie, I am so relieved you and Grace are o.k. I was worried that you hadn't posted since your return to Paris and then I watched on CNN the horrible situation unfold in Paris yesterday. I am happy to hear you and Grace are safe and being well cared for by Victor and Joel. Stay well and be safe!

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  4. Finding someone that you have to trust with your life is beyond difficult and also speaks English? Having met your "Dream team" in person, I can say they are everything you say. When you ask them to do something, they do it willingly - even our loving Saint David is beyond belief. He truly is THE best "caregiver" !! He redefines devotion and love. I have never known someone so completely devoted. He is the leader of your Dream Team and without his dedication, life would be pure HELL. I have finally seen a man who loves more than I thouugh possible .

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  5. That certain someone that uses Tinder. Assuming it is a woman. Does she need to work on herself first??

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    1. Any woman who is on Tinder needs to work on herself… A lot! I'm all for online dating but this is out-of-control.

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  6. I met VICTOR...........right?I do not expect you to remember who was there............
    You MADAME have been through many...............and I cannot imagine the patience it takes to EXPLAIN how your daily LIFE should be done.Nor, explain how to make toast...............
    You have written a beautiful overview of your 400 and something CAREGIVERS............I only deal with ONE for my MOTHER.I totally understand where your coming from.............I may have to pull an ELEANOR and let this one go!Weighing it over and over in my head........thanks for this.I just put a woman on a plane headed for PARIS today!GOOD GRIEF..............I still do not know where it happened can someone give me a MONUMENT I would know so I have an idea.The fact that GRACIE Lived in the area scares me even MORE!XOXO

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    1. Gracie was at her boyfriend's house. Busted! I don't know the neighborhood. Is it the Republic?

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  7. I kept checking your blog yesterday as I watched the aftermath of the horror in Paris. So glad to hear that you are all alright, but I can't imagine the fear of it happening in your own city. It's disheartening that your Muslim caregivers face the collateral damage caused by a few extremists.
    Loved hearing about Victor and Joel!
    Stay safe.
    xoxo

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  8. I noted with interest that the Dream Team is Filipino No surprise there..My family has had the good fortune to employ a lovely Filipino couple for the last 20 years in the US. Several of my friends also employed this couple. The most elegant of these friends wintered in Boca Raton, but had a cat (appropriately named Princess) who wintered alone in the Connecticut house of her owner. C and O (as we shall refer to them) had been instructed by her to stop by every day to check on the house and turn on Animal Planet (the cat's favorite TV show). Late one particularly cold winter night they discovered the heating system was off and it was too late to call a repairman. C and O slept in their car with the cat because they were afraid she would freeze inside the house. They could not take the cat back to their own apartment because animals were not allowed there. This tells you a lot about them and their set of values. When I leave home I give them the key to my house and never look back. I consider them one of God's blessings. Your Dream Team sounds like a blessing! Your blog is a blessing and you are an inspiration! I look forward to reading every post. xoxo Mimi

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  9. Ellie, Was thinking about you yesterday with all that happened in Paris. I am so glad you and your family are safe. I finally caught up on all your posts. Wow, you have been prolific and wrote some amazing things. Sorry the crap you had to go through in December.. Glad you gave FF it back. Posts just seem to be flowing out of you and your writing is amazing. I cannot believe all you had to go through getting caregivers. When you find the right ones, they truly are the angels on this earth, if there is such a thing. I too feel bad for all the Muslims that are getting judged unfairly from the actions of these extremists. So many good people on this earth we don't hear about...Take care Ellie and have a beautiful day. xo Kim from California

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  10. ellie you are the first person i thought of yesterday when i heard the horrific news. i'm so glad uber got grace out of there quickly.

    i'm also super glad that victor knows how to straighten the pleats of your drapes b/c that is something that will literally drive me insane. it's a small detail but in my minds eye, huge.

    i love your dream team. x

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  11. OK, I'm REALLY going to pray for you! ;) ;) You had me going with that extensive résumé of caregivers. Isn't the word RÉSUMÉ a derivative of the word RESUME (to begin again) and again…and again? In any case, you have more than paid your dues and deserve a Dream Team. I hope Gracie likes Victor/Victoria and Joel.

    When I heard the CNN news about terrorists and Paris Gas Stations this morning, all I could think of was your conversation with David. “David, I’m being carjacked by a terrorist.” David: “There are no carjacking’s in France you idiot, where do you think you are?” That was foreboding! All I know is we’re not in Kansas anymore.

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    1. David had to eat a giant slice of humble pie with a big plop of Chantilly cream! My friend Tom always says, "Ellie, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" I always say that I want to be both and today I am!

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    2. Not happy that there are terrorist, I'm just happy that I was right.

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    3. What happened at the GAS STATION.........perhaps I should turn the NEWS ON!
      I really do not want too!!!!!Can someone just tell me did they catch one of the BAD GUYS at a GAS STATION??Were they stealing a car?OH GOOD GRIEF.............this is a little too close to Ellie's words a few days ago!

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    4. I thought the exact same as what Donna just said! I immediately wondered if you, David and Gracie were ok, and in addition to how tragically the events have unfolded, how eerie they seem given what you had just previously posted about.
      So glad you are all ok.
      I can totally identify with your descriptions of your caregivers, having been through the process of trying to find the right ones for my husband, and also having been one for him myself. It's tough to find the right combination and balance and still maintain your sanity and dignity. You are amazing with a wonderful perspective of both humor and standing up for what matters to you!

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  12. I'm glad you said it! (humble pie) hehe
    AND no, David, she is not psychotic, she's psychic :-)

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  13. No group of people is more important and less appreciated than caregivers, that is why you get such a mixed bag. No one is in it for the money, and if one doesn't believe it's a vocation they're generally below average. I was a nurse before I was a lawyer - I went form being viewed as "dumb and caring" to "a smart bitch" - I prefer smart bitch!
    Check out #illridewithyou - an initiative started in Australia after the Sydney siege. A beautiful thing to come out of such stupidity.
    I hope the Dream Team stick around.
    Love your blog.
    Mabel
    xx

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  14. i am cracking up reading through the comments, your friends are as funny as you are...not the subject..what is it about religion that makes people so NUTS..so sad. Sounds goofy but i have been hoping all was ok with you as i had not seen a post in a few days. did not even think of relating it to the terrorists. good you are all well and are keeping calm and carrying on. quite an amazing view into your life, as always. take care. cheryl

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  15. So glad you're ok, was worried about you and yours. My daughter used to have nurses 24 hrs a day and we got some real winners - people that had no clue about trachs or O2 or anything, very scary. I'm so glad you've found some good ones. Now I'm the caregiver - to my mom and my daughter - I'm trying to be good ;)

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  16. Dearest Ellie - I feel terribly shallow after reading all the comments worrying about your safety. Without doubt, you were safe at home because, after all, they did not shoot up the Parfumerie Générale or a brochante did they? Instead, inspired by one of your recent posts, I busied myself making fudge-on-a-stick for my "Adult" Hot Cocoa. (Hmmm, delicious!) Tremendously happy to hear that all the people you love are safe and sound. However, perhaps a shot of E&J Brandy should be added to my Adult Hot Cocoa, you know, just in case...

    Smiles and a hug from Charlotte Des Fleurs

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  17. What a happy/sad/amazing/frustrating account you've given. Thank goodness for Victor and Joel...I want to hug them both! Glad Gracie is safe. I'm out in France Profonde but I still had messages from people asking if we were ok, bless them. I have all my limbs crossed that your current dream team will stay with you always.

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  18. Dear Ellie. When in Paris in October I experienced some drama when walking along the Seine, near the Musée d'Orsay when suddenly police cars arrived, sirens blared, and road blocks were put up by what appeared to be soldiers, perhaps police. As I do not speak the language I never learned what was going on and, frightened, I hopped on the nearest bicycle taxi to get out of the area. Also, may I ask, do you go through an agency to find your help or do you do it independently? When I was once looking for help I had an agency come into my home to assess my needs and they advised against hiring on my own because they said it could be dangerous to let people into my home that were not vetted and bonded. Is that a concern for you? Of course you have David, whereas I am alone. Your spirit and determination are an inspiration to me, Ellie; you are a teacher. Louise

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  19. Dear Ellie, I was so thank ful to open my iPad and see your blog. Since the attacks you have been in my thoughts, what a horrible an sad act of violence. I also feel very badly for the Muslim community that is not part of these hateful and toxic believes. People have the tendency to generalize and make entire communities or religions "bad." I have repeatedly told friends and acquaintances that there is bad in every religion and every week, I was almost overwhelmed by sadness at the events, sort of like when 911 occurred. I cried and I felt that the world was such a dark place, I felt for the people who died and their families, what a tragedy, I immediatelu thought of David and Gracie and you and I hoped that you were all okay. Thank you for today's blog, for your sense of humor in the face of things that you should not have to go through and for bringing light in this otherwise very sad world
    Lourdes

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  20. Thank you, Thank yoy! Not too long at all. These terrorist attacks are the work of fanatics who have hijacked religion. They do not represent the Muslim faith or community and it is up to us to keep that fact foremost in our minds. I'm glad that Gracie is safe and sound. I lived in Bilbao (Basque Country) during the height of ETA terrorism.....(but that another story) and loved the Basque people and El pais Vasco. xoxoxo Mary

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  21. I wondered if you were Ok after hearing about the attacks in Paris. I have been watching the news and horrified to hear that the shooters called the people by name before killing them and then they killed a Muslim policeman as they left....it is such a tragic event.
    Caregivers here are not paid very well and so you get a real mixed bag. We had 24 hour care for my MIL for four years before she was institutionalized at the cost of $10,000 per month....she has Alzheimer's. The best caregivers were the Filipino nurses and they were very funny, cracking jokes and keeping her spirits up.
    Good to hear you have a great Dream Team now...tea, toast and flowers, make up and curtain straightening....not what most people would put on a resume so it is trial and error!

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  22. I just want to say how glad I am that you have caring people looking out for you.

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  23. oh boy, all those people you've had to deal with made my head spin....thank god you finally have your dream team....Poor Gracie, we spent the day calling family & friends in Paris, what a mess...glad you all are ok...xo Jeannie

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  24. So glad to hear you and your family are safe. Is it crazy that you were the first thing I thought of when it hit the news here - well, much later before I actually was listening to the news, but YOU were the first thing that popped into my head! Let her be safe, hoping David was not in that office & that Gracie was safe at home... Then you skipped a day and that made me nervous. So glad you are safe, crazy world we all are living in. Terrorists, ALS & Cancer top the SUCK LIST.

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  25. My head was spinning..I cant imagine going through all those ppl but glad you have your dream team & glad you all are safe..xo

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  26. Ellie, I was worried about you and Gracie and David when I heard about the horrible terrorist attack, (those poor people!). I'm glad that you and your family are safe, (though it must have been terrifying to find out Gracie was in the area of the shootings).

    I loved today's blog on caregivers! Your story telling is so terrific, so enjoyable. A person really needs a sense of humor and perspective, (like you have) in order to have the patience to repeatedly interview and train people, and see if they work well with you. So glad you have Victor and Joel now -- it must be a relief -- I hope they stay a loooonnng time with you.
    I don't have caregivers, (yet) but since I've been ill, (15 years) I've had to hire people to do the cleaning, shopping, and various chores, (my then-husband did most of the cooking). It's funny, but in the beginning I thought I was just hiring a "service" like when you drop your good clothes off at the dry cleaners and then pick them up later -- easy-peasy --oh, no -- they might be cleaning -- but they had their personalities and needs and opinions that I would get to hear about. It took some adjusting on my part to accept that I was getting a relationship along with the dusting and vacuuming. One of my former cleaners, (now, a treasured friend) was a disaster the first time she cleaned: She broke the vacuum cleaner, (she sucked up a sock), accidentally locked our dog in the garage, (which she used as a bathroom, since she couldn't get to her dog run) and left Bon Ami cleanser an inch thick over all the kitchen and bathroom counter tops which literally took days of multiple rinsing before it was gone. I think I developed an anxiety disorder that flip-flopped between appreciation and angst since I never knew what the cleaner might destroy, (like leaving water soaked rags on top of wood furniture) or just being so grateful to have a clean shower to step into. Thanks for sharing your Caregiver's Hall of Fame stories -- you are amazing!
    Love and Hugs,
    Sabrina in Port Townsend

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  27. First time on your blog and this was my first post to read. Me mom is a caregiver as you say I prefer to call her differently. She takes care of the same lady for 10 years. There are 2 years since this lady become paralyzed and unfortunately she is not a thin person. My mom wanted to leave her millions times because of the difficult times. Her daughters visit her for 10 to 15 minutes a day while my mom stays there for 24 hours. Very difficult task but I feel that only because of her compassion and love for their friendship she resisted till now.The purpose of my comment is to wish you great caregivers as they are rare.

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