Bunny.


That’s what we call my husband, David…Bunny. I don’t know why but it just works. The next best word to describe David is “dichotomy.” David is a dichotomy in every sense. To know him is to love him yet to know him is to want to rip his head off. David has led a charmed life until it all fell apart. This man, Bunny, is the man you want on your team because he will not back down, he will not crumble, he will not falter and you will never be the same without him but you also want to punch him in the face. But let’s back up a little… By the way, if this love story is boring, I won’t be offended if you skip today’s blog.

 


In 2006, my sister called me and said, “That cute French guy just left his wife and moved in next door to me.” My response was, “Well, you better march over to his house right now and tell him to ask your sister out on a date.” Her response: “No, that’s tacky, you slut.” So that was that. She refused. But don’t worry… I was only devastated for a week. The very next weekend I decided to go to the polo match in Santa Barbara with my best guy friend, Max. Max is an arrogant, handsome, funny, macho Italian whose family owned Brioni. Need I say more? Sometimes Max and I spoke on the telephone 15 to 16 times a day. Max is the type of guy who comes early to help you with your party and eats all the appetizers before your guests arrive...Which he did. He’s also the type of guy who sleeps with all of your friends… Which he did. Max is the type of guy who usually gets kicked out of a restaurant….Which he has. Max is the type of guy who whips you with a kitchen towel and draws blood… Which he has. However, Max is the kind of best friend that you want. So, here Max and I were sitting at the polo match in the parking lot drinking champagne in his fancy car like white trash before we went inside. All of a sudden, David drives up in his pale blue/gray Ferrari and parks next to us. I almost spit my champagne out. I started screaming to Max, “Max it’s the French guy! It’s the French guy!” David stepped out of his car and started screaming in French on his cell phone. I told Max to go talk to him and Max agreed that he would. But here’s the thing, we had to wait one hour for David to get off the telephone. David screamed on the telephone in the parking lot of the polo match for a solid hour. So by this time, Max and I were completely tipsy from the champagne. Finally, David got off the phone and Max made his move. I sat in the car impatiently waiting. Max came back to the car and told me to pull it together and that we were going to go inside the polo club and have a drink with the French guy. I had waited five years for this moment! And guess what? I froze, I totally froze. I couldn’t say a word to David. Max kept looking at me like, “You fool.” We had a couple more drinks and Max did all the talking. He and David were having a blast. I stood there like an idiot. Max took me aside at one point and said, “Ellie, I have some bad news for you. I think David likes me.”

 


Good news. David actually liked me, not Max. David and I have been together ever since that day at polo. But it hasn’t all been roses. David and I are both extremely boisterous passionate human beings. This is not a ying and yang type of relationship. It’s a yang and yang relationship. Neither of us will ever back down from our truth… Whatever it may be. David and I could fight over how we raise children to which cheese to buy for fondue. We will fight to the death. But the good news is that two minutes later we love each other again. I never knew there were men like David in the world. David’s idea of a fun evening is staying home with the children, cooking dinner, and watching a movie. David’s life revolves around his family and he does not give one bit of energy to anything else besides family and his work. I have never once worried that David would cheat on me, go out with the guys to a bar, flirt with women… Nothing. That is not in David’s character. All he cares about is us. David likes to go shopping with me… for clothes, shoes, antiques, perfume, books, food etc. When David is stressed out he goes to Williams-Sonoma. Swear to God. He loves to go to museums and exhibits. Our weekends are filled with stuff that I want to do. We have never done anything that David wants to do. We don’t even know what David likes to do because we’ve never asked and he has never told us. He would spend three days at Disneyland with a smile on his face if we wanted to go. David is in charge of everything and organizes everything. He even packs juice boxes for the children if we are in the car for longer than 30 minutes. He makes all the school lunches. When the children were young, David gave them all a bath, brushed their hair, blowdried their hair, put them in their pajamas, gave them a spray of perfume, cooked dinner, did all of the dishes, snuggled everyone and put everyone to bed. This is what makes David happy.

 


However, he’s totally annoying. He blow dries his hair for too long, he always loses his keys, he always misplaces his phone, he’s a terrible driver, he falls all the time, he uses shampoo as soap, he hates that we suck at tennis, he over feeds all of us, he refuses to speak before coffee in the morning, he hates that we are computer illiterate, he’s socially inept and doesn’t care, he eats food off the floor, he hoardes clothes, he’s super loud, he calls his mother at least five times a day, argues with everyone including his lawyers, he hates when I buy expensive flowers, he hates when I put nails in the walls, he’s always overheating, and he has that typical pessimistic French attitude. He doesn’t understand the humor of Napoleon Dynamite and eats foie gras.

 


However, he’s also totally wonderful. He brings me a present nearly every day. He has let me watch anything I want on the television for the past eight years. He’s happy when I am happy. When he is out of town, he calls me at least 400 times a day. He loves music. He loves to watch Westerns with John Wayne. He’s never gross or crude. He doesn’t watch sports. He loves to take pictures of us. He doesn’t snore. He takes baths. He always buys me pretty dresses without me asking. He convinces surgeons to let him go into surgery with me. He puts his hand on my back the entire night while we sleep. He is the best friend someone could have. He likes to look through family photo albums. He is loyal, honest, tender, strong and has great taste and style. I never have to tell him what to wear because he always looks chic. He loves Gracie like his own daughter and tells her to look up words like “altruism.”

 


When David was going through his divorce and fighting his wife for custody and trying to cure his autistic son… Our life was very difficult. Like I said, David and I do not do well in high stress situations. I would leave his house crying and screaming nearly every week. He would always chase me and bring me right back home. David is one of those types of guys who never says I’m sorry but always shows me how sorry he is. It has taken me eight years to understand David. I finally decided that it’s just best to let David be David. I can’t change him. Letting David be David means having to put up with someone who is overly obsessive about organizing, overly obsessive about dry-cleaning, overly obsessive about the refrigerator being perfect, overly obsessive about the closets, overly obsessive about grooming the cat, overly excessive about watering the plants, overly obsessive about the children, overly obsessive about every single thing that we do. If we come home from a vacation at 3 o’clock in the morning, David will unpack all of our bags, do all of the laundry, fold everything, put it away, organize the house again, download all the photos, charge all the electronics and then maybe he will go to sleep. Every inch of paperwork is organized at our house and David actually owns a laminating machine. All of his shoes are in specialized little felt bags, all of his sweaters are perfectly folded and he has a special area in our apartment for his suits and jackets. Oh, did I mentioned that David loves clothes. David is a total clothes whore. But here’s the weird thing, David usually only wears one outfit. All black or gray. His entire collection of clothes are hardly ever touched. Most of them still have price tags on them. We had to get a storage in Santa Barbara because David had so many clothes… That he didn’t wear! He would go visit his clothes on the weekends. Swear to God. On a sad side note, David’s entire collection of custom-made shoes were stolen out of the storage as well as all of David’s suits and cashmere sweater collection. My response? “See? You should’ve worn your clothes and had them at our house. Now, some hoodlum is running around Santa Barbara in your Hermes suit. Happy?” I have often asked David why he basically wears a uniform of black and gray. He told me that he will wear brighter colors when his son is cured of autism. See how easy it is to love him and then hate him?

 


June 16. David’s birthday. I was in New York at New York Presbyterian Hospital being tested for ALS by a brilliant doctor who specialized in ALS. David was on a flight from California to New York rushing to get to me. He showed up at the hospital with all of his suitcases. He found me in the doctor’s office a broken woman. I was in a hospital gown trying to prove to the doctor that I could lift my foot up and that I did not have ALS. Sadly, we all knew that I did. I had a talk with David that night and I told him that he did not need to stay in this relationship. My disease was going to get very, very ugly and he did not need to go through this with me. David told me that he would never leave me and that he never wanted to have this discussion again and if I ever brought it up again he would kill me himself. And guess what? This man has been in the trenches with me ever since. David took over. He organized every doctor appointment, read every article on ALS, consulted every type of doctor on earth, made me sit in a hyperbaric chamber, made me get acupuncture, made me sit in an infrared sauna, made me take hundreds of supplements, made me have my blood checked every month, made me have intravenous vitamin drips, took me to every doctor from New York, Chicago, Paris and Los Angeles, forced me to get a feeding tube, forced me to get a diaphragm pacer, force-fed me every healthy food on earth, helped me get my head together mentally, took me to every type of therapist, and basically was trying to do anything in his power to save me. Here’s something you don’t know about me. I didn’t want to do any of it. I wasn’t brave, I wasn’t strong and I wasn’t motivated. I was lost but David basically took on my disease for me. He also decided to remove every bit of toxicity from my life and that included some friends and some family. I fought him at first telling him that not everyone could be like him. Not everyone can handle my disease. Not everyone is as strong as he is. According to David, that was no excuse. He expected my friends and family to step up to the plate like he did. Unfortunately, and surprisingly, not everyone will be there for you when you need them including my own family. That was a big lesson for me to learn. David has protected me from all of it. Unfortunately, this means that the whole load is on David. Every financial hardship, every emotional hardship, every physical hardship, and every spiritual hardship. It is all on David shoulders.

 


To add insult to injury, not only do I have ALS, but his son has autism, his father passed away from Alzheimer’s and he lost custody of his children. He has a broken heart but he is not a broken man. The only time that I have ever seen David break down was after his father’s death in the summer of 2013. It was just all too much and as usual, David and I took it out on each other. Remember, we are not good in a stressful situation. After three weeks of hell that summer, we regrouped and got back on track. By the way, we just decided to agree to disagree. Neither of us apologized for “the incident” and neither of us took responsibility. We never even bring it up because if we do all hell will break loose.

David has watched me go from a healthy, active, fully functional woman to someone who cannot do a thing for herself and he has never treated me differently. He still thinks I pretty, he still spends every waking moment with me, he still organizes fun weekends for me, he brushes my teeth, wipes my tears away when I have a meltdown, and refuses to let me go.

 


So, that’s Bunny. Even though I have ALS, I still feel like the luckiest girl on earth. I can truly say that I have known love. He still screams all day, he still overly organizes, he is still a narcissist, he is still bossy but I wouldn’t have him any other way.

80 comments:

  1. i think i may have just died reading this. so beautiful. x

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  2. Simply beautiful. How fortunate you both are to have each other.

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  3. What a beautiful love story. Gratefully, I do think my own David would care for me regardless of the circumstance. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for my sister or brother. I should give thanks every day that we found each other almost 16 years ago, though I do want to strangle him on a regular basis. Such is love!

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  4. What an incredible piece. I don't even know where to start. With myself, I guess!
    1. I am so mad that I didn't know his wardrobe was prime for theft. I would have totally stolen it myself had I known such a bounty was vulnerable.
    2. How adorable/sad/sweet that he won't wear bright colors until his son is cured.
    3. A powder blue Ferrari is hard to pull off. But I believe he could. I know someone who tries, but he looks like a Viagra commercial.
    4. How much do I love his hair? Only a Frenchman.
    5. His devotion to you and your acceptance of his full personality is heartwarming and makes me cry (not that rare for me, but still).
    6. Has there ever been a better embodiment of a Gemini than David?
    7. When I come to decorate your tree next year (you were probably joking, but it's too late now), set me up with his brother. Or appropriate substitute.
    8. Awwwwwwwwwww (probably could have just said this and spared you).

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  5. Okay - now I'm in love with David. Just kidding, sort of. You two remind me of my fiancée and I when we were in college; unfortunately he was killed in car accident right after he graduated and right before I graduated! And David reminds me of my husband who died in 2005 but I have raised our two sons to be very nice young men of whom he would be very very proud! I'm happy you two have each other! Happy Holidays!

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  6. BUNNY................is a VERY SPECIAL MAN.
    We adore him and had only known snippets of him before this post!
    I smiled as I read this...............as he is so MUCH like MY ITALIAN HUSBAND.As you went down YOUR list of he does this and that........I'm saying YES YES YES!!
    You are ONE LUCKY GIRL................I am SO HAPPY YOU HAVE HIM!
    MAX if YOU are OUT THERE........GOOD JOB at the POLO FIELD.........REALLY GOOD JOB!
    THANK YOU for playing MATCH MAKER.............and being the BEST FRIEND a GIRL could want!BRAVO!!!!!
    XOXO

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  7. I liked how you described your Bunny; your David, Ellie. At first I thought he's so complicated...then realized he simply loves you, like life...passionately with his whole heart and soul.

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  8. Simply beautiful and oh so well written. Thank you for sharing. Your David is a hero in my eyes.

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  9. Yours is a beautiful love story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

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  10. Ah Bunny, I love it. I got teary reading this. Both of you are lucky to have each other!

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  11. Ellie,
    There is no greater gift to be loved for who you are, warts and all. Your honest and authentic storytelling once again made me weep! I had the gift of knowing a boy who passed away from brain Cancer over a year ago. His message was simple. "Remember just to love. Dylan David."
    Being vulnerable is terrifying but you and David exemplify what it looks like to choose love. That's all it really is, isn't it? A choice. Bless you and your family for sharing every little bit of yourselves. I cherish your honesty.

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  12. I have been looking forward to reading the blog about your husband, and it did not disappoint! Best wishes to both of you!

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  13. This is my favourite post of yours ever.

    What a guy. What a journey.

    I love it that he loves organising and blow drying everyone's hair!

    x

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  14. Wait Ellie - I loved reading this!!!!! but you left me hanging.... LOL What is his profession? :) Or is that too personal?

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  15. Like I said, What a guy? They don't make um like David…perhaps he can offer wake up men classes out here or a radio show! lol…What a guy! Have they perfected cloning yet? How about any friends over there David knows, (single) ha ha ha, LOL XOXO (funny, I called my "former" European boyfriend, (ripped out heart here) bunny too! I love it) Sweet ~

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  16. Well you have made me fall in love with him. :)

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  17. Ellie,
    David is a man who knows that to truly love someone is to give them your TIME. Time is something in life that we will never get back. Time is one of the most precious gifts you can receive from your beloved. You are right to feel like the luckiest girl on Earth. Ellie, your Bunny is also a very lucky man.
    Sending much love to you and your precious family this Christmas,
    Judy

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  18. Beautiful story. Bunny is what we would call "a keeper" around here.

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  19. I love your blog and love you. Amazing!

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  20. Oh,Ellie, I think you're right, you're the luckiest girl. How incredibly fateful that he not only moves in next to your sister, he pulls up next to you at the same event. Meant to be. Thank you for posting this- let Bunny know we all fell in love with him.

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  21. As a fellow Gemini, I totally understand Bunny's need for organizing/ordering everyone around/ being in charge. I thank you for sharing your pictures, your words, and most importantly-yourself. Of course that crazy Frenchman loves you beyond compare-how could he not?

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  22. Wow. This was just awesome. David....you are the coolest.

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  23. Absolutely beautiful love story. What a guy, what a gal.

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  24. My first time visiting, now I too will become an addict.

    But I'm good at that.

    You just made a dirty, grumpy florists night.

    xo J

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  25. In many ways, you are blessed. And I know you know that. I hate that you have to go thru what you are going thru but the blessing is in who walks beside you, behind you, in front of you, and/or holding you. God bless both of ya!

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  26. What a wonderful story. It's a privilege to meet you and Bunny through your blog. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  27. i don't know why i keep reading you! you make tears go down my face everytime! David is a Lucky man and you're lucky to have Him!

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  28. What a beautiful, special man. You are right you are very lucky, and so is he.
    Love Cindy F
    xx

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  29. I have a bunny.... The world needs more bunnies, thank god for bunnies... I <3 you stranger thank you for this wonderful journey you take us on... God bless and happy holiday to you and yours

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  30. Ellie....you are beautiful at the core...of course David loves you and always will! Extraordinary people both of you. I love you love the dichotomy of David.....in all its glory. The true meaning of love and people in love.

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  31. Bunny, you are an amazing man. Ellie.... complicated, complex and beautiful. You have a pure love. Write a book.

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  32. I want to see the movie. Crying so beautiful m

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  33. Dear Ellie, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your beautiful love story with us. I cried throughout and then I laughed and then I cried some more.
    It is so reaffirming to know that there are still people who love wholeheartedly and without reservations. You are a lucky girl for having David and David is one lucky guy for having you. And we are all lucky for being able to share in the glory of such a true love, the kind that lasts forever.
    I love you Ellie and you enrich my life more than you will ever know, xoxoxo
    Lourdes

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  34. Such a beautiful tribute to your remarkable husband. Your writing is a gift to all- and your ability to express your thoughts on life with such grace, gratitude and humor inspire me to live more consciously with more appreciation for all of my blessings. Thank you❤️ Merry Christmas

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  35. What a beautiful story...Thank you for sharing! ❤️
    I too would love to read the book!
    Nathalie

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  36. wow, what a man and he can blow dry everybodys hair .

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  37. Hello Ellie, what a beautiful story. In my opinion, the Man upstairs knew who you needed in your life. Thank you for sharing. I wish you to be well and hope you have a very happy Christmas with your beautiful family. Blessings to you.

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  38. A lovely letter of love......what you share always inspires me, thank you!!

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  39. You are indeed a lucky, lucky girl. I cried when I read your love post to Bunny

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  40. Your David sounds like a selfless, spirited man who follows his heart and knows what 'love' truly means. How fortunate that you two found each other.

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  41. As always, your honesty changes everything. This story, your story, would be exceptional even if you only showed us one half, say the pretty "meant to be" half but that you shared the other half, the struggles and pain, made me think about my own relationship in a different light. Now, this might sound over the top but that is what art does. So thank you, as always and merci à David too for letting you share your story so publicly. You know how I wrote the other day about your love shining like a star? It is because you are both stars, in the best possible way.
    Sending Much Love,
    Heather

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  42. I think it is about time that you get some sort of "general delivery" post office box in Paris. I know Bunny wants you to keep your address private, but we, who love you, are dreaming of sending you little gifts that we know you would love! How else can I send you one of those fabulous wrapped and boxed Fortuny candles???? Merry Christmas, Stella.

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  43. Thank you for this wonderful and inspiring literary Christmas gift of love, devotion and dedication.

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  44. What a wonderful tribute to the man you love! But more than that, it shows how much you love him not only despite but because of his "flaws". What a lesson to us all to take on the warts ans all and love our family for who they are, not trying to make them how we might want them to be.What a gift to be loved right back, like that too!
    You have a very engaging way of writing. Get onto that book, pronto!
    Deborah - Melbourne

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  45. i have no words for what i just read.
    just so glad i read it.

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  46. Thanks so much for sharing your love story with Bunny, special indeed.

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  47. My first comment on this blog I just discovered. You are such a great writer. This is beautiful.

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  48. It's a few days before Christmas. It's the kind of day that will be filled with all those crazy things one does right before Christmas. I'm drinking my hot chocolate and I saw your post. Do I have time to read this today? I start to read it, my hot chocolate goes cold as I scroll through your post. Soooo glad I read it this morning before I set out to do the list. What you wrote today sums it up for me...love. It's the most important part of our lives. So, as I rush around today to pull together Christmas for our family (and get a blow dry, too!), I'm going to reffect on this post, and on the strength that love gives us. Thank you for sharing this story of love and strength. Merry Christmas! XO

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  49. Beautiful love story...I love 'bunny' & hope to find my own one day...soon as im not getting any younger! :) merry christmas Ellie to you & yours...xo Jeannie

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  50. My husband is in soooo much trouble.

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  51. Abiding love, the greatest gift. And you get to open it every day. Christmas Blessings.
    xoxo Mary

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  52. This is one of the most beautiful love letters I have ever read. You are lucky, but he's luckier! Merry Christmas, dear bff. xx

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  53. now we all know David a bit better and love him all the more for it. I am so happy you found each other. it's a perfect match

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  54. So beautiful and so worth sharing! Thank you!
    I too have a Bunny! I never understood why I called him Bunny, now I do! They are very special, rare men. I get it! Your Bunny has really been put to the test! He is the embodiment of true love. Love you both!!!
    XO
    Therese

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  55. So happy for you to get a good one! You deserve that gift! (i wish I was as organized as David)!

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  56. Who could possibly be bored by a love story, especially this one? And the beautiful pictures, my favorite being the last one. What a wonderful early Christmas present to your gem of a husband and to all so us. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

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  57. OMG. Bunny is an amazing man! I loved your love story! Merry merry Christmas !!

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  58. You articulate this so well....and those of us who are lucky enough to know the two of you, also feel doubly blessed that you have a man like David. I am in awe of him and cannot think of any man that has done what this man does.

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  59. I read this post in the morning and read it again in the afternoon. You were meant to meet and he is a gift just as you are a gift to him. This is a true testament of the love you have for each other. I met my amazing husband on my postal route as his mail lady in Northridge, California and yes I'm a valley girl. There definitely are great men in the world!
    Peace and love

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  60. Dear Ellie , Thank you for the best Christmas gift ever . The one of true love . Blessings , Adrienne

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  61. Thank you Ellie for introducing us to your wonderful and amazing husband. So very happy you have this wonderful man in your life. He is steady as a rock. You can lean on him and he will not falter. xx Amelia

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  62. Thank you for this beautiful story, I am crying and laughing at the same time. All of you are in my prayers.

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  63. Okay now this is a month past the post but I have been binge reading for umm a few hours and have been commenting here and there. Ellie, this is something you don't know about me. I never knew a man could love his wife so much that he would do anything for her. I was diagnosed with cancer in August and lucky for me I have a husband who has moved mountains for me in every way. It is truly humbling isn't i? To be cared for so tenderly. I am so glad you have a beloved. Besos

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  64. Dear Ellie, I'm really late to this post, but Wow! You are as great a writer as he is a man. You got yourself a great one and that's an understatement. I'm so glad that this is the case. I've been through a lot but not as much as you too. I've allowed it to break me, but you guys have not. I'm truly, utterly inspired. xx Valorie

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  65. Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. You made anyone who reads this blog post fall in love with David. You, you witty, passionate. brilliant, opinionated, wise, mercurial, fabooooosh woman of so many interests and talents, joined paths with a formidable man. I love your writing and your mind! Truly, madly, deeply your friend. D

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  66. I was looking through the blog for a fondue pot b/c I knew I read it here and of course I fell upon a post that made me cry...I hope Bunny and Grace are doing fine...I think this is my favorite post.

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