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Roses and Thorns… Roses and Thorns


 

Disclaimer: I drop the F bomb a lot in this particular blog.

Remember when I told you guys about that game that my friend Diandra and I play with our children? In case you didn’t read that blog, the idea behind the game to teach the children that life is filled with roses and thorns and how you deal with it is the true test.

Well, this past week has definitely been filled with roses and thorns. I didn’t actually deal with it all very well but I tried, I really did.

In all honesty, I definitely find myself in a battle with myself always saying to myself, “Be kind, don’t say anything rude, don’t judge others, have patience, stay polite.” Most days, this is a challenge.

Let’s start with last week… I had to go to the hospital again to visit a pulmonologist to see where my breathing levels are at. The new pulmonologist asked me about 100 questions regarding “my condition.” You would think that a pulmonologist would be familiar with ALS since respiratory failure is how one kicks the bucket with ALS. You would think that they would have mentioned this at medical school. My pulmonologist acted as if this is the first time he had ever heard of it. I was teaching him. Subsequently, our entire visit was filled with me rolling my eyes and breathing the word “moron” under my breath. And then the little angel on my shoulder pipes in and says, “Be kind, don’t judge, maybe your disease is rare and not an everyday occurrence in the pulmonology ward.” So I had that to grapple with on Tuesday.

The rest of the week was spent hating Paris. I decided I hate all this stone. I hate all of the perfectly manicured gardens. I hate that dogs have to be on leashes. I hate that Parisians don’t return calls and that they consider their jobs an annoyance outside of their weekends. Just as I was about to fire off two rude emails to the real estate agents at Emile Garcin for their ineptitude, I had to remind myself, “Be kind, don’t judge, maybe they don’t get paid enough to return your calls. Maybe your flippant urge to move to Normandy is not a high priority for them.” I found myself wanting to move back to New York City where people are just regular assholes but at least you get an Everything Bagel out of it. So that was Wednesday through Friday.

I tried to cheer myself up on Saturday by going to the flea market. I love 95% of all of the vendors at the flea market but there’s that 5% that just piss me the fuck off. These are the ones that think that their goods are worth their weight in gold. Sometimes I think to myself, “Do I need to remind you that you are selling shit on a sidewalk, Sir?” Be kind, Ellie, be kind…Yes, they are selling shit on a sidewalk and that cannot be exactly a joy, so be kind. I decided to just get myself out of the situation and leave this crappy brocante and just go to where the good stuff is, the March aux Puces. My spirits were lifted because I found high quality items at a justifiable price. Not cheap but then again why do I want cheap items for my little shop? If I want quality, I know that you guys want quality as well. So Sunday turned into a rose...For about a minute.

Saturday afternoon I found myself walking through Saint-Germain-des-Prés in the 6th arrondissement of Paris. And by walking I mean my caregivers pushing me in my wheelchair. I was accompanied by my husband. I didn’t even really want to go out because lately I’ve been tired or maybe just bored. We passed by one of my favorite churches so I decided to go in and ask God to take away my ALS. Is that called wishful thinking or what! But I still did it. As I was saying my prayers, a Romanian Gypsy walked right in front of me, interrupted my prayers with her 12-year-old son who was in a stroller and asked me for money. My response: “For the love of God, are you kidding me? Can’t you see that I’m having a serious conversation with God right now? Do you see this wheelchair? Do you see this breathing machine and why is your near adult kid in a fucking stroller?” The kid wasn’t handicapped, I checked. She got the hint and kept walking. Literally two seconds later I thought, “Oh my God, Ellie, you failed the test. God tested you right smack dab in the middle of the church and you failed. What if that Romanian Gypsy was Jesus in disguise and you just shut him down. Be kind, Ellie, be kind. Do you really think that that woman wants to be begging for money on a Saturday with her kid at a church? She probably has some abusive threatening husband 5 feet outside of the church waiting for her to come back with euros… Or else! You should have just smiled at her and given her the money. Her kid is probably not even in school, for fuck’s sake. Even though you have ALS, you have a warm home, food on the table and a daughter that is receiving an education.” And it’s true, I should have been more loving even though the Gypsy was totally annoying. I should have been the better person. And then I thought, “OMG, I get it.”

And yet, I was tested again. One block from the safety of my apartment we unexpectedly encountered my sister-in-law on the street next to the garden. She was on her way to take her two children to play. You might not know this but I absolutely despise my sister-in-law. And it’s totally justified, trust me. Just before I was about to give her the evil eye, the little angel on my shoulder said, “Ellie, check yourself.” So I did, I did the right thing. I just kept my hat down, avoided eye contact with her, and said hello to her children (it’s not their fault). I am sure that God would have wanted me to do more… Probably say hello to her or something but I’m doing the best I can.

On Sunday there was an event in Paris where no cars were allowed. That’s a great concept except I hate concepts. Secondly, all of the Parisians overly took advantage of a car free Paris. They all felt it necessary and “their government given right” to walk down the streets in the opposite direction just because they could which totally annoyed me. And to top that, most of them were rollerblading which you know I hate when adults rollerblade. It was a hard day for me.

On Sunday afternoon, I found myself in yet another church. This is the church that I go to every weekend. It’s my safe place. I explain the whole story of this church in my book which is almost finished, by the way! Anyway, as I was saying my prayers, this woman starts coughing. It wasn’t regular coughing… She definitely had the bubonic plague combined with bronchitis, Ebola and some form of hepatitis. She most likely should’ve been admitted to the hospital, but no, here she was at church coughing all over everyone. She finally got up and went to the back of the church but her coughing continued and it was ricocheting through the entire church. Why didn’t she just go outside, for fuck’s sake! Step outside, lady! And then I caught myself… “Ellie, be nice, just pray for her.” Why is this so hard!

Why is all of this so complicated for me? I have no idea. I think I over-think things. I judge too easily and I don’t have a lot of sympathy or empathy. I wish I could be more like my husband… Completely oblivious. Sometimes I just think as Oprah says, “If you know better, do better.” Why can’t people just do to better if they know better? The flea market vendors, the real estate agents, my sister-in-law, the Romanian Gypsy, the church cougher… And myself included.

My friend, Yolanda, has this uncanny ability to call me exactly when I need her to call me. She always sets me straight with the right advice. Mostly her advice is, “lower your expectations” which makes us laugh hysterically but it’s the truth. Yolanda always keeps her cool. She says it’s the Dutch in her. The Irish Aries in me behaves the opposite. I tend to explode and Yolanda always says to me, “Do not say something you’re going to regret.” I usually don’t regret what I say because I usually mean it but I get her gist. Maybe it’s not an angel on my shoulder, maybe it’s just Yolanda. :-)

So this brings us to the moral of the story. Everyone is just trying to get through the freaking day. We have no idea what that person is going through, what brought them to this point, what their journey is, why they behave as they do. Ourselves included. So just be fucking nice. The moral of life: Just be fucking nice.… Even if you have to bite your tongue, grind your teeth, lower your eyes… Just be nice (even if you don’t mean it).

*Something you don’t know about me? Surprisingly, I can also be nice. As I was walking around Paris this weekend with my caregivers, my husband and my husband’s friend, I heard someone say out of the crowd, “Ellie!” My very first thought was, “Please God, let this be a friend from America who is a girl. I’m sick of all the men I am surrounded by 24 hours a day and I’m sick of all these French people. Please let it be a long-lost American girlfriend that I can talk to about makeup and clothes.” I swear all of these thoughts went through my head within three seconds. Alas, it was not an old friend, but even more exciting, it was a new friend! I don’t actually know her but she reads my blog and I consider all of my readers friends. So, that was super exciting. She lives in Germany but is originally from Boston and could not have been nicer so that made my entire weekend! (And she was dressed really well.) We took pictures and my mood improved. My husband said to me, “How can you be so nice to some people and to other people you are so harsh?” My response was easy, “It’s a gift.”

Now it’s your turn, do any of you have these inner judgmental thoughts or are you all just peaches? Do you have to check yourselves or are you all just nice all day? I hope I’m not alone so be honest.

53 comments:

  1. I am coming to Paris to spend a week alone! Yea me, what must I do? Anything I can bring you from the states?

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    1. Too funny! I was going to write that exact same sentence. I am coming to a Paris for a week alone. I would love to bring you, dear Ellie, something you might need or want from the US? Any food cravings? I'm serious!
      A devoted reader,
      Tamrah

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  2. Oh Ellie! The struggle is real! This post certainly rang true for me. I do believe people pretty much do the best they can, at the moment. So, I too, remind myself to be nice. Be nice to this idiot...you can't fix stupid! And lowering my expectations keeps my blood pressure in check. Raised in the south, my mama said, "be sweet", which just annoyed me to no end! But she was right, and so I try. I looked for you when I was in Paris, wondering what I'd do if I spotted you! Well, if I ever get back to Paris I know what I'll do. I'll wait until you finish your prayers before I gush and get all gah-gah....
    Keep it up! Libba

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  3. Funny you should post this, I am having one of those days too! We call those the RIDS! Restless, Irritable and Discontent.
    When I have those days I also look at: Have I eaten, am I tired, am I lonely, am I angry (if so what started this downward spiral)....We all have those days, you are not alone. Sometimes I just have lay low and take care of myself so I do not "say anything I will regret!" Ok the gypsy lady has no business begging for money INSIDE the church!!! That would tick me off too especially if I was going in there to get some peace. God does have a funny sense of humor though! I hope you have a rosy day today and let go of the junk from yesterday. be good to yourself! " Say what you mean, mean what you say but don't say it mean!" We all love you Ellie and are always breathing a sigh of relief when we get your post----even if you are a little cranky! I can only imagine what I would be like if I were in your shoes! xoxxooxox

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  4. I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!
    WE THINK the same...........
    THE BOOK..........MORE ON THE BOOK!DO you think it will be out by CHRISTMAS?
    XO

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  5. Here's some random. I struggle with judgey. But, mostly at my self :). What I've learned is life is hard for everyone. Some of us have a shell so thick around us. Really the only way to survive is by being a bitch. ha That said,there is beauty everywhere, except for in my Mother in law. sigh.

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  6. There are times when I have unkind, pissy thoughts constantly!! And then there are other times when everything rolls off my back!! And, I feel that I have such little control over it...but I do realize that it's me not the world who decides how I react to things. Of course, that realization is not enough sometimes but it does help. When I'm feeling really out of sorts, it is usually because I have not had enough down/me time. From your description, your disease has a lot of challenges, to say the very least, but one of them that would drive me insane - in addition to all the physical crap - is the lack of privacy. Anyway, I'm kind of rambling here but 1) continue to count your blessings; 2) go easy on yourself; 3) love your posts; and 4) You're an inspiration!!

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  7. Ellie--My husband and I arrived in Paris last Saturday, and were walking around the St. Germain de Pres area as well, and I told myself, "If I see a chic woman in a wheelchair wearing a leopard fedora, you better believe I'm going to run over, say hello, and give her a hug!" But I didn't have that good fortune, so I'm sending you a hug across the miles(and the freaking ocean!)from Northeast Ohio. Paris made us a bit crazy--have to say that we enjoyed Amboise and Rouen more. I highly recommend L'Iris des Marais" , an adorable Band B in Amboise. Our hosts were so good to us! We are still in good cheese "withdrawal"--OMG!!!
    Penny

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  8. I find people who are too nice all the time to be the absolutely most annoying of all, especially when it's dished out in a syrupy sweet voice. Yes, it's a gender specific affliction. I know no men who are too nice but many women who've adopted that insincere persona.

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    1. I can't say that I find the too nice people the most annoying, but they do annoy. I always end up wondering - were they always this way, are they like this all the time, and are they seething underneath all that "niceness"! Having an inquiring mind, I always want to know!

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  9. I've blown off a lot of gypsy jesuses and have lived to tell the tale (but they were drag queens I think). I think you're okay. I'm sorry there were so many thorns this week. Yolanda should write a lifestyle book about her Dutch zen.
    Yes. Constantly, yes. I have such a venomous side and basically live in fear of exposing it. I am a viral YouTube video waiting to happen when I launch into a diatribe at Kroger about how they display bell peppers. Drives me fucking crazy. The waste of all that produce to make it look like a farmers market are just the buttons to push on a WASP Taurus. Also I am the worst about holding a grudge (Taurus), which I know is so bad. So next time you feel any guilt about sometimes letting your heartbreaking and evil disease get the best of you, remember perfectly healthy and privileged me red-faced about bell peppers. Cut yourself some slack.

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    1. I appreciate you thinking that I should cut myself some slack but unfortunately I would be like this whether I had a disease or not. I was like this before. Ha ha ha. Can I go to Kroger with you next time?

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    2. I really like that phrase "gypsy jesuses". Do you mind if I borrow it, and do I have to give Stephen Andrew credit?

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    3. Ford makes a Taurus model just for Wasps? Lol, that’s what first popped into my head as I read your comment. (My fault for trying to read the blog and comments while pretending to be listening during a boring phone conversation.)

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  10. I love your honesty and humor. I read everything you write and wish I had been that friend from your blog you would have ran into. I would love to meet you some day. It was so funny someone was being mean today and I said to my mother-in-law. We are all just trying to get through the day. I don't think anyone gets up in the morning and says I'm going to see how many people I can hurt today Keep writing. We all need what you have to give

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    1. My soon to be x boss wakes up thinking how mean she can be. Two more days and she moves to a demotion. Yea!
      Karen

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  11. Ditto with the Jesus gypsy moment. I think like that as well. I stay pretty positive and usually find the humor in most situations which is why i love you and your blog so much. But when I have that ole black cloud over me and I get irritated about one thing, it seems to envelope my whole day. I just don't think my quips are as clever as yours because I am about to have a nervous breakdown fighting that Southern thing we all grew with called 'Pretty is as Pretty does." So basically I am either gorgeous or downright horrific...nothing in between! xoxo

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  12. Always fun to hear you blow off steam here. Most of us with a brain, opinions and a smidge of wit are always in the middle of an internal dialogue (er, sometimes, it's a diatribe). On any given day I'm wishing someone would burst into flames, surprise me by just once being more than a goldendoodle impersonator in a meeting, or just STFU. With any luck, two of the three won't catch on.

    Pope Francis just left the country, so I'm on my best behavior. He had us in his thrall. I'm toying with going to churchi. Pausing in my rush to judgement. Giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Believing in miracles.

    That doesn't mean I didn't give the goldendoodle some side-eye this morning. xoxo

    P.S. "It's a gift," is funny.

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  13. I despise my sister in law too! And gypsies! And people who have an annoying cough in public! So it was karma that i was at the Opera in New York this weekend when i started coughing just as the tenor started to sing "nessun dorma". As I crawled over my seat mates I could feel the hatred of all those people who payed a fortune to see Turendot.Then I made a snide remark to my daughter about the name " Brenda" and she reminded me that my real name is "Billie Jean".So, I am giving myself a break and others, too.........when I feel like it.

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  14. I can be fairly generous with this idea that everyone is doing their best until I get into my car, and then it is obvious that all of these drivers are the stupidest people ever. What are they even thinking? I swear and call names like crazy behind the wheel and I'm not proud of it, my kids have grown up with this nonsense. And guess what, my 20yo and my 22yo, they don't drive! Yeah I wonder why.
    Also I hold a grudge like a son-of-a-bitch: forever. No looking back. Probably not good for my karma etc.
    I think you behaved very well, really this was a LOT of testing! Much love to you. My gosh I can't wait for your book I'm going to buy a copy for all of the best people I know, I can't wait! XO

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  15. I pretend to be nice all day at work (I think I am coming off as nice) and then I go home and bitch at my husband or 30 minutes about how everyone drives me absolutely crazy!!!! Thank you - I feel better now.

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  16. I loved this post. You are never afraid to say what others are usually thinking but never say. Some days I also feel that I have to be nice to people even though I don't want to. The thing that irritates me is when people are incompetent or annoying. Especially if I am in line at Starbucks and am behind a couple of Lululemon-clad older women that have no idea what to order and stand there for what feels like 5 minutes. It annoys me so much that I feel like yelling at them to hurry up since I have somewhere better to be. I can get through some days without being annoyed by others at all, but I have come to the conclusion that most people annoy me so I have to stay calm. I am annoyed living in Vancouver but even though I adore Paris, living there would probably leave me twice as annoyed and angry on a daily basis!

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  17. God is probably up there agreeing with your frustration....you are probably on His side and He on yours more often than you think. Cannot wait for your book.... it will be delicious and a sell out, I know.

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  18. I try not to let myself become exasperated or frustrated by things similar to what you describe, but I'm not always successful. I also have a good friend who tells me I need to lower my expectations and standards, but I haven't been able to do that either, nor do I necessarily want to. I keep a quote from Plato on my phone, and remembering it has been helpful to me in a lot of situations - "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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  19. How are you when talking to lame customer service people on the phone? That's when I'm at my worst. I loved picturing every vivid scenario you described. Most of us have been there, done that. I passed by several (annoying) street beggars one holiday season, and promptly had my purse stolen while enjoying a coffee at a cafe. Always thought that was a little nudge from God to loosen my purse strings on my own next time. You are amazing and I love you and your stories. Wish you didn't have ALS though and share you're prayer.

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  20. Oh, dear God, Ellie! I am exactly like you!!! I have to constantly remind myself to 'be kind'.....and that just keeps me from killing people. Why am I like this??? It's like I think my s**t don't stink! The saying...'be kind to others....you have no idea what they are going through' is a constant mantra I have to run through my head. I bet everyone who knows me has NO IDEA the evil squirrels that run around inside me. But that's because I had two alcoholic parents so I'm really good at acting. Thanks for helping me know I'm not alone. So glad I'm not smart enough to be a serial killer......Nan

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  21. You are brutally honest. Consider it a virtue. Most people don't have the kahunas to admit what they are actually thinking. It's the reason you are an international celebrity with Bostonian/German fans screaming your name in public.

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  22. Omg are you kidding me? Do I have judgmental thoughts, are there any other type lol. From the moment that I set foot outside of my very controlled environment I am annoyed by people, I live in Miami and let's face it there are lots of tacky people in miamik that annoys me, then there are the people that obviously do not own a mirror and think that they can wear whatever they want even though it may offend my sensibilities as well as those of any breathing person, and yes I start giving them the evil eye and something inside of me tells me to live and let live but it is so hard and most of the time I want to enjoy being mean. Then I think of the mean spirited people at my former job that I was so nice to and they were so so mean and I think fuck no, not worth it to be nice. But we all have another side and sometimes I can be a real sweetheart and I love your line Ellie about it being a gift, just love it,
    On another note, when should we expect the book to be available, I am so so beyond excited! Once again thank you for making me laugh, you are one of a kind

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  23. You seem authentic, real and no BS - far more important attributes than simply being nice to everyone who crosses your path. Let's all let go of the idea of being "perfect" and just be ourselves. Not everyone will love you, but I think that's OK. Keep up the great writing, don't change your caustic witty self, and never, ever, suffer fools. XO

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  24. Checking, checking, always checking. And it is hard!
    And I have to say that if I bite my tongue there must be some venom there!
    Love the blog! But......I love Paris! If we won the equivalent to the US lottery (here in Portugal is the Euromillion), we would move there in a blink!!
    A reader from Portugal
    Paula

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  25. Ahhhh! I was ALMOST that blog reader as she is a fellow Bostonian. However, I have not been to Paris other than passing through in the 3.5 years we've lived here. Stuck on Charente....pathetic, I know. I harbor a hope that it will be my turn to mert you next time! Your description of the inner voice telling you to be nice is spot on....as I've gotten older I say what I'm feeling far more often and have to remind myself to be careful. That little voice in our head doesn't come from nowhere....but it's getting harder to obey it! Hope you're not bored anymore........xx

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  26. I think, that 'most' if not 'all' people have the nasty side. Some are just more honest about it ..... In my sunny South Africa what gets me is these freaking hunters from all over the world. They post themselves in front of the hunted, read dead animals, with their flags and safari outfits. My language does not only include the famous word, but many in succession and prior to actually saying it. So, waking up to read that 6 rhinos were killed by poachers, read poor hunters, while the rest of world was watching the blood moon ... I swear non stop. So my friend you are not alone, and next time you deal with a moron of a person think that at the southern end of Africa there is me who will continue saying many of these words for a very long time to come. Hugs from here.

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  27. My Grandmother (the elegant White Shoulder wearing one, not the Harley-driving, green cottage cheese jello serving one) always used to say, "It doesn't cost anything to be nice." Which sounds nearly naive in this day and age but it is oh so true. Being nice is definitely what kept me sane living in NYC for all of those years during a time when Hell's Kitchen was a junkie's dream den. But...but...after all of these years of living in France...? I have to say that I read Cindi's comment above and thought, "Um, she probably has never been to Paris because I have run into a whoooole lotta people who seem to be on Meanathons"...like those crazy women that would always thump me with their big shopping bags from Le Bon Marché when passing in the street until I was like, "Yeah, I get it, you are rich and I am not, congratulations" - truly it happened all the time - or the tiny little old lady that I watched key a long line of cars (from Porsche's to Fiats, she was indiscriminate) in the 7th...just because. I could go on.

    So, I will admit - though a pretty nice person - I am definitely more judgey than I used to be (living with a Frenchie who swears at 92% of all drivers on the road doesn't help either)...out of self-defense? Ok, I am kidding, geez! And will think about this post a lot...there is a lot of Buddhist principles in it too...and finally, will also fess up to being far too judgmental about myself. Still working on that one...very hard to be truly kind to others when you are tearing yourself down all the time.

    Sending you so much Love and Strength today and every single day,
    H

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  28. Hi Ellie, I have very similar internal conversations every day.....my most penetrating one is when I encounter homeless people who are asking for money. I have my favorite buddies that i always give to, but there are others (and in God's eyes all are equally worthy of my petty generosity) that I struggle with. Why? I have no idea. My goal is to give to all with the same joyful heart that I have when I give to my "street buddies"---and it is hard even though I practice. So I guess that life would be rather boring if all of this personal growth stuff came easily............ after listening to Pope Francis, I think I'm going to take better care of myself and make sure that I'm aiming for balance and rest, then I think the growth facotr just might be a little easier. xoxoxo Mary

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  29. Ellie - you bring so much joy and laughter into the day for all of us! Thank you for being you - honest, frank and unfiltered!!!

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  30. Oh Ellie,
    I see myself in your blogs more often than I care to admit. (But usually, that's a good thing!) My mantra for trying to be nice is "Never criticize, never control, never complain." Unfortunately, I forget remind myself of these three things until AFTER I've exploded.... How to handle my vitriolic, vengeful and unkind thoughts are a constant battle. I try to bite my tongue (it's raw); and keep thinking I'm doing more harm to myself than to anyone else. I guess what annoys most is that I let other people snipe and back-bite, saying nothing in return. (That's how I was brought up.) But I seethe inside. What's the answer? I try not to retaliate, hoping my evil thoughts will just pass -- and quickly!

    I just bought and received your Christmas book -- LOVE it!! I've read every word -- and every recipe. What a treasure of a book; cannot recommend it highly enough. Many thanks for your talents; I'm ordering your Thanksgiving book today! And can't wait for your new tome to emerge.

    I keep tossing this thought around: if only your friends and subscribers to your blog (multitudes, I'm sure) could each take your place for one day and give you a day of life as you knew it -- ALS free! We would soldier through our one day of hell, and YOU would have many days of blissful, beautiful life! (We need someone to make a movie out of this thought.....)

    Much love, prayers and kind thoughts to you!

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  31. Oh hell yeah! I try to be nice and understanding, and I am most of the time. I just don't have the guts to say what is on my mind like you do. I envy you that. I always smile when I read your posts because you're just so not afraid to put it out there. Has nothing to do with you having ALS, like you said. You were like that before. People are just so damn annoying and thoughtless, like that church beggar. For God's sake, where can one go to find peace these days!! We all have days like that, Ellie. You're just not afraid to say it!

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  32. I'm sometimes a stick of dynamite just waiting to explode, except if someone else is exploding around me. You can't have two people going crazy, someone has to be the calm voice of reason! I'm impatient, don't suffer fools gladly (of course, I just might be one) and hate clubs, associations,...you know, groups of women (people) who gather to do good deeds and gossip about others. But most people don't see me that way...I'm called "sweet", an "angel"...and I really am a kindhearted person, just an impatient, judgmental one. I'm not trying to change because I'm really comfortable with "me", all of me. I couldn't help laughing out loud when I read the characterization of your husband as "completely oblivious". Why it surprised me, I don't know, because I read all of your posts. And the "F bomb", please...is there any other way to make a point! I was raised in a family that never cursed, pheww! I lived a very protected life until I went to college and worked as a teacher in an urban high school. It was always exciting and we used the "F" word as all eight parts of speech (of course, not around the children who actually taught me the various usages). Anyway, Ellie, I understand the bit about trying to always be sweet, but holding too much back could be dangerous...let it fly, babe.

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  33. Ellie You hit home with this post, and then I read Heather above, and I do believe what she says, "It doesn't cost anything to be nice". You should hear the things I mutter under my breath though. About my granddaughters' boyfriend choices, my one sister in law that seems to have the mentality of a ten year old and acts like "the bad seed" The other two Are peaches (like sisters to me!) You have some truly terrible days and I can sure understand your feeling even if you say you were like this before !

    The thing I try to do is say something nice, make someone's day in any small way everyday. Maybe just telling them I love their earrings or hair, or sweater; whatever. Knowing that I could be the only person that says something nice to them just makes ME feel good as well!

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena

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  34. I have to say that I am more like you than my two dear friends who are soooo very tolerant, patient non-judgmental. Spending time with them makes me a better person., but I have a looong way to go. I often fight the urge to be snarky; ridiculous behavior really annoys me. At least we have self-awareness...

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  35. I went to that beautiful old church in the 6th and think that those goodies live there...I saw their laundry hanging on the fence and they were washing in the fountain. But to ask you for money inside while you were praying is very bad form...
    You are entitled to your feelings and how you choose to react and respond. I feel frustrated and cranky at times but rarely loose my cool. It goes way back to my childhood and Mother telling us how we need to comporte ourselves. It might be healthier to let it out than stifle it and keep it in. It's partly our personality too and I am an Irish Pisces who generally loves to keep the peace.
    A book a book! Omg that's exciting news!!!
    Have you thought of a title yet?
    When is it going to be available?
    I looked for you in Paris too but sadly our paths did not cross. I hope you have more roses than thorns this week 🌹

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  36. Hell no, you're not alone in this Ellie! Yes, I have those inner judgmental thoughts all the time. I try not to let it show & I usually don't say what I'm thinking in public. I'm an extremely kind & patient person. I'm always patient, polite & kind to others. but on the inside, I'm steaming.
    I despise incompetence, laziness, naivete & just plain stupid people & there are always an abundance of those around. I'm tolerant to a fault, meaning I take way too much crap from people. I need to work on this too. I've always been in a profession where people expect a great deal from me & by god, I deliver! I believe it comes with high expectations of myself so therefore I expect the same of others, silly silly me. I've been through more than most people & lived a rather interesting life and I rarely let them "in." I don't have any excuses for being the way I am. I'm a work in progress as I think we all are.

    I admire you for many things & mostly I think because you are an evolved person, very self aware of yourself & you don't spare your words.

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  38. Well it looks like you are not alone! I often feel my "darker side' is showing as I am too critical and judgemental and have no patience with rude or self absorbed people.
    I pray daily that I will do better and I have to keep reminding myself that life is too short to be anything but happy (as best I can!
    Thank you for this post.

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  39. Oh my goodness Ellie, from reading comments it looks like it has not been the best of weekends for many of us. I strive to be kind (nice) to everyone and I can't count the number of times people (including family, children) have had me second guessing myself. After a particularly nasty rerun of one of those times I finally forgot what a nice person I was. My husband and I moved to Texas via Colorado via California 5 years ago. We hooked up the direct TV, satellite internet, and land line and were ready to love our new old home. Lets just say Texas is not California or Colorado. It has nasty poisonous snakes, nasty poisonous bugs, and is either hot and humid or cold but without the snow I loved in Colorado. For 5 years now on a weekly basis we have received phone calls for the person/persons who last had our number. Lots from banks, bill collectors, medical facilities and many, many from family who have lost contact with them. I have repeatedly, and kindly informed them that this is no longer their number. I have gone as far as given them the phone number of the local police department to help them locate their family member. 5 years later I am still receiving calls even from the same family members who I have repeatedly told they have a wrong number, not I don't have their number, no I don't know where they live or do I know them. Just what part of "this is not their number" don't they understand? Well it happened again last night and nice was not in my vocabulary. Long story short I don't think this person will ever call back again because this time they got the bitch and she was not kind, and now I will have to do a lot of praying for forgiveness for my behavior. Do I feel guilty "NO", should I "probably" do I hope it worked "You bet your sweet ass". Again I thank you for your honesty, humor and for making us all realize we are alike whether it be in Texas, Paris or Bum Funk Egypt.

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  40. Listen, my mother (born in 1911 in Georgia) was a veritable fount of patience and wisdom, over-flowing.... But even she had a sharp side. It's called having a brain and a heart! You observe, you have opinions, you have feelings, so it goes. As long as you don't hammer people who are completely innocent and undeserving, you're okay.

    That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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  41. You know? I am nice. I am polite to everyone, no matter whom. (who? whom? someone help me out here) But my favorite word is FUCK. I guess that is not so nice. And I judge, oh I judge. Not so nice. If someone asks my opinion, I will give it to them, unvarnished. That's not so nice, either. And get me on the phone with a customer service rep regarding something gone wrong? whoo boy. I am polite, but very. very. pointed. and. firm. My native New Yorker husband says EXACTLY what is on his mind to everyone, even strangers, which should get him into big trouble on the subway, but for some reason never does. He's like you...he is NOT nice. Unless he loves you, and then he is sweetness and light. And that is a real gift.

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  42. Aah, sandpaper people! They rub us raw, exposing our own rough edges. I struggle with this too (often), & sometimes I can just remind myself "You sound like your mother; stop!", and that will suffice. Other times (like w/ my sister-in-law), I have to remind myself to dwell on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." (Phil. 4:8). But some days when the hormones are raging, I just have to find a way to reduce the things that trigger my annoyance or rage (like stress or lack of sleep), thank God for his constant grace & forgiveness (when we ask for it), and hope I can do better the next day. Cut yourself some slack ... we all want to go postal on incompetent people occasionally!
    RR

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  43. Don't diss yourself for having these feelings! Why should we be nice to people who are clearly out of line and disrespectul of others? I say, let them have it. And I do. I am a normally kind, caring and helpful person, but not in those instances such as you describe.
    bonnie

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  44. So... I am the sweetest, nicest person - mostly, but put me behind the wheel of my car and I become a monster. I am a major honker. Many times, I'm driving and on the bluetooth phone with my daughters, and in the middle of a conversation, they'll say "Mom, stop honking". They can hear my horn blasting. Well, two days ago, I was on the phone with #2 daughter, and I said "Do you know what this is?" - and I honked. She said, "Is that a little bicycle horn?" It turns out that God has punished me in the most appropriate way - I blew out the fuse of my horn, and I only have a little squeaky toot that comes out now. I have to go to the dealership and spend two hours there for them to replace the fuse for my horn. Is it worth it? God has a funny way of teaching us lessons.... Thanks, Ellie. You are a light in all of our lives. I toot my horn to you!!!!!

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  45. I am not a peach either. I keep it on the inside mostly, but sometimes it has the effect of bursting out and shocking people. So, I'm trying to take a middle approach and speak my mind more so that I don't explode later.

    I have the hardest time with people who act in a dishonorable way and with people who are illogical. I seem to believe the illogical ones are being illogical on purpose and it chaps my ass. ;)

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  46. I am pretty nice most of the time. Then I am surprised when one of my grown children remind me to be nice. Hey, I thought I was being nice. So I start over again. But I am a very lucky person because I don't have to surround myself with people I don't like. But I hope that you can be the judge when I come up to Paris in November.
    Smile...... Judy

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