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"What's wrong with the world, mama? People livin' like they ain't got no mamas."-BLACK EYED PEAS


 
Oh my God, my parents were right. Paris is dangerous. It’s not Paris' fault, though. I spent the weekend questioning every decision I’ve made regarding Gracie studying in Paris. I wanted her to have a global education, one filled with history, culture, different cultures, language, art and a fully rounded education. I thought Paris was the best place for that. I still think it is but at what price?

Friday evening at our house in the South of France that we have lived in for exactly 15 days, my daughter, Gracie, who is a junior at the American University of Paris came into our bedroom and told us that something was happening in Paris. We quickly turned on the news and saw what was happening. As we watched, Gracie kept saying, “I go to that concert hall all the time. I order take-out from the wok restaurant next door to the Bataclan every week. It’s down the street from my apartment. I pass the restaurant where the shootings happen every day on my way to the Metro to school. This is my neighborhood.” Just like when I was diagnosed with ALS, I literally left my body. The thought of my daughter near any of this evil was not actually registering. This can’t be true, I thought. If my daughter were not with me in Provence this particular weekend, she would’ve been out with her boyfriend and friends in that neighborhood. She quite literally could have been killed by a terrorist. (Everything my parents.

This is what my parents had been warning me about since 1989. Their worst nightmare came true. It’s one thing if me, their daughter, was in the middle of all of this but it’s even worse if the love of their life, their granddaughter, Gracie, was in the middle of any of this.

Every question went through my head:

Do I take Gracie out of school in Paris?

Do I transfer her to a community college in Nebraska where it’s safe?

Do I keep Gracie in school in Paris and teach her to not let terrorism win?

Do I have Gracie buy a gun? Seriously, this thought went through my head.

Do I move back to Paris to protect Gracie?

When many of you were kindly sending me emails expressing your concern (thank you), the above questions were going through my head. What do I do! I spent the weekend going over everything in my head. I, as Gracie’s mother, had to make a decision.

I decided that the best thing to do was to have Gracie go back to Paris, move out of this particular neighborhood, continue studying at her college, and unfortunately learn how to be vigilant with her safety. No metros, no large crowds and keep your eyes open for anything suspicious. And then I thought to myself, “Well, that’s stupid.” How can Gracie not take the Metro? How can she not go to concerts? How could she be “on the lookout for terrorists?” It’s unrealistic and impossible. I decided that there has to be some sort of moderation… Have Gracie live her life freely but this world is not always safe and you have to protect yourself somewhat.

The second worry that I had was for the terrorists themselves. Gracie told me that the terrorists shot people who were in wheelchairs. That really got me thinking and opened a can of worms between my husband, my daughter and I. My argument was that the terrorists must have just for one itty-bitty little second, thought about shooting someone in a wheelchair. My husband and Gracie disagreed. My thought was that these terrorists were not born evil. No one is. Were they ever loved? Who changed their diapers? At what point did they not value life anymore? What happened to them for them to become this violent? Who raised them? Did they ever go to kindergarten and use colors, sing songs, drink apple juice from a sippy cup and take naps? Do I blame their parents? (Probably.) David and Gracie argued that they did not stop for a second and consider shooting someone in a wheelchair or anyone at all for that matter. I beg to differ. Don’t get me wrong, these terrorists are monsters and I would shoot anyone of them if I had to if under a threat. However, I am far more interested in the “why.” Why did they do this? I mean, yes, I know why and I understand ISIS and its ideology but I really want to know why why. Who taught them to behave like this? Why did they think that this is okay in their eyes? Why do they think their God condones this? I think that this is the bigger question we need to solve. Like the Black-Eyed Peas sing, “What’s wrong with the world, mama? People living like they ain’t got no mamas.”
 
What are all of your thoughts regarding the Paris attacks? Do you feel like there is sadness on both sides? Be honest.

70 comments:

  1. I had (have) wonderful parents who never missed an opportunity to teach in fine detail about the sweeping concept of right and wrong. So maybe through that privilege, I have a weak perspective on just how skewed one can be with bad or no parenting. But I believe we inherently know right from wrong with the big stuff--stealing and cheating are more about being taught I think. hurting people or animals does not feel good. Except the time I threw a giant bowl of bangles at my ex boyfriend in a Forever 21, that felt good. The lines blur when there is motivation and "reward". ISIS's manipulation of social media makes it clear that they now how to sell the big picture. Which, forgive me if this offends, is what all religion does. It offers the chance to leave yourself and belong. Through religion this is often used for incredible good--charity, second chances, building community. That's nothing new. Religion has always had the power to create or destroy at its whim. What is different now is the angle of individual recognition and notoriety. Through social media, anyone can become a sensation or mark in history if they do something interesting, good, or repulsive enough, with most emphasis on repulsive. It offers the opportunity to make someone meaningless feel important, and that is a problem much further reaching and dangerous than ISIS. As we've seen in Charleston, Sandy Hook, Oregon, and countless others.
    I know that I can't have children because I would absolutely keep them locked away on a farm in New England and they would be inept and unhappy. But we'd have pretty Christmas cards. I don't have the faith in the world that one must have to raise a child. I'm not the least bit surprised that you've already risen above your fears and empowered Gracie to live freely. Clearly you're no stranger to the lion's den. As in the fighting against the odds lions den, not the sex toy store off the highway.

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    1. I'm not quite sure what IS has to do with religion. IS identify as sunni muslims, and muslims condemn the attacks. We must not fall into the trap (that IS want us too) of turning Muslims into the enemy.
      http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/the-projects-waleed-aly-praised-for-unity-message-in-the-wake-of-paris-attacks-20151116-gl0fz9.html
      Agnes

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    2. As always Stephen A, I love your insights. (does everyone know he is 6 foot 5? )

      Like Ellie, I wonder about evil people's parents all the time and their child hood experiences.

      Weird stuff is everywhere in the world- last weekend my friend and her husband were walking along a path and came upon a cyclist lying in a pool of blood who'd been stabbed 8 times by a crazed maniac in broad day light with a screw driver. I mean I live in a relatively safe Australian city. The world is indeed crazy.

      I think that it is so scary that meaningless people can be made to feel important by acts of violence and terror.

      These are such sad times and watching the news always ends in tears.

      x

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    3. Also, my favourite movie of 2013 was Free Men- all your readers should watch it. It is set in Paris in the early 40s and the head of the Paris Mosque hides Jewish children in the mosque's cellars to stop them being shipped by the nazis to concentration camps- this is a true story. And a powerful one xx

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    4. I absolutely agree that religion offers a certain belonging, someone always cares about you and is there for you no matter what. But it also offers ample ways of manipulation and carte blanche to do what you will because in your/their eyes its totally justified in the name of said God.
      As far as being safe in a farm on New England... Newtown. Sigh.
      As to whywhywhy's - it must give some significance to the lives they lead in their opinion. Going to heaven to be a martyr and all the virgins. I always wonder why do they think in Middle East (and Russia) that violence and force leads to anything sustainable? Based on what?

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    5. to clarify, I am 6'5" *with* hair. Were I to wear it flat, God forbid, I'd be about 6'1". I got a new car this summer and the sales guy told me he's never known someone to require so much head room.

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    6. Well said, Stephen, very well said. You are spot on.....with a touch of humor to boot. P.S. Would love to get one of your Christmas cards! :)

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  2. Dear Ellie, So glad to have a post from you at last. Over the weekend so many people had asked if you were OK. When you did not answer, I know we were all worried.

    I, too, have had serious thoughts about what made these men do what they did. As a woman and a mother, I cannot begin to understand the mentality of someone who could carry out such a cold-blooded plan. Certainly something snapped in their minds to disconnect them from the rest of humanity. More than anyone, I blame the cowards who brainwashed and indoctrinated them. Cowards who sat back in comfort and safety while sending their "foot soldiers" to do THEIR dirty work.

    The irony is that actions like these men took in Paris will not advance the popularity of Islam. I am sure that the vast majority of Moslems were just as horrified and disgusted as the rest of us. However, I hope that the attack in Paris will force our leaders to wake up at last and REALLY crack down on ISIS.

    At one time, 1300 years ago, Moslems held Spain as well as parts of southern France (Avignon, Arles and Toulouse to name a few). By the late 1600s the Ottomans (Moslems) had pushed their way all the way to Vienna. The only thing that stopped the Islamic invasion of Europe was UNITY among the Christian nations.

    We must be more vigilant but not live our lives in fear. Fear is what they want and WE control that in our own minds and hearts. There are lots of other reasons not to go to big venues (potential for fire, drugs, mugging, bad parking, too much noise, etc.) so big venues have been off the map for me for years anyway. As for dining out, however, you are far more likely to get food poisoning than to be killed by terrorists. More people are killed every year by earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, train derailments and traffic accidents than by terrorists. Actually more people are killed by the flu than any of the above (and you can reduce your odds by getting a flu shot.) We cannot control everything, so JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE!

    Courage and Smiles from Charlotte Des Fleurs

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    1. I love it, a plug for getting your flu shot, Charlotte. I bet when you started writing you didn't intend to go there. Made me laugh for the first time since Friday.
      Ellie, you are a brave mother. Yet, there isn't anything to do that gives a 100% guarantee that Gracie or our children will be safe and have a long fruitful life. It takes courage to go forward, and you have it in spades
      Bonnie

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    2. The answer is not in condemning a group of human beings that identify as Muslim. Christians have done horrific things, and continue to also.

      Remember "not all whites are racist and not all racists are white" - generalisations are incredibly ignorant and more importantly dangerous. Agnes

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    3. Absolutely. Christians are guilty of far worse over history! We cannot blame this on religion! I feel totally terrible for Muslims; they are against murder. None of this really has anything to do with them; except the word "Islam"!!

      It is sickening that this entire peaceful religion is being tainted by these extremists who are simply terrorists. Forget Islam. How tragic that Americans and others connect them to Muslims......and those Syrian refugees who are fleeing these monsters with their babies and children are being lumped together with these terrorists!
      The terrorists want us to lump them with the refugees! We play right into their hands if we respond by blocking these refugees! It is sickening!!!

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  3. My son and his band (we are Canadian) were playing a set at another venue, just blocks from the concert hall that was so brutally attacked. Here at home, I was frantically waiting to hear the name of the venue that was under attack as the message he sent me was short and unclear. My world was spinning. The venue owners locked everything down, and there they waited, in a basement until it was safe to leave. As a mother, I was frantic. I wondered what the mothers of these young men are feeling. Where does this rage against humanity come from? My brain cannot accept that these mothers would take any pride in their sons actions. They MUST be heart broken too!! No easy answers. I would have been happy if my son and the band had chosen to cut their tour of Europe short and just come home. That is the mother in me. Instead they decided to press on and finish what they started. That makes the mother in me proud too. We can't let them win. We have to press on. Love and peace to you and yours...xxoo

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  4. Yes, there is much sadness on both sides. I live near University of Missouri and there is much trouble and sadness there recently. The world is sad. .. and I worry for my granddaughter and the world she will live in. However, I will not stop traveling and enjoying life on this world as long as I can. My daughter and I were in Paris a few months ago. I love your beautiful city and country.

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  5. I have been thinking about you and your family all weekend, and am happy to hear you are all safe.

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  6. I don't think they hesitated for one minute. My mumma's in a wheelchair too and I would like to believe they had a moment, however miniscule of hesitation. They are desensitized and immune to all and any humanity.

    I am happy that Gracie is safe, and sad that she has to worry about living in Paris.

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  7. Ellie, I can't imagine how you are feeling in regards to sending Gracie back to Paris. I applaud your decision to encourage her to live her life...with appropriate caution. As for why terrorists do what they do? They don't know any better....it's all they've been taught. It is their world and afterworld view. This is why they can not be reasoned with. There IS NO WAY to understand them because life has NO value to them. How any 'human being' could look into the innocent eyes of a child and TEACH them evil and hate is beyond me. They hate Western civilization because we value life, we educate our women, we prosecute rapists- not the raped, we don't behead homosexuals, our women drive and work, etc. The list goes on as you know. We are in a fight for Western civilization......God help us. And God bless and protect your sweet Gracie.

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  8. I am just sick over this, literally sick. I can't get it out of my head. Possibly one of the worst weeks of my life. This was the exclamation point at the end of the week. I am so sorry for all of you who are so close to this. I was worried about your husband because I did not if he was with you or still in Paris. I was pretty sure your daughter was with you still, I didn't know when she was scheduled to return. My heart weeps for her with all of this being literally on her home turf. Paris is the city of my dreams. I've only been in the airport twice for a couple of hours at a time. I've never actually been in the city, but it is where my hope lies, my heart longs to be in Paris. It is why I subscribe to many blogs about life in France, in Paris. This is an attack on my dream. I do feel there is sadness on both sides. The terrorist are all fairly young. I've been married longer than they've been alive in most cases. I could've been their Mama. I just don't know how things can go so wrong. I don't understand any of the political implications, I don't understand why they do it. I don't understand what they want. I just want it to stop and now! This will haunt me for a very long time, I can't even imagine what it will be like for your family. I'm just so very glad that you moved. Sending love...

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  9. Innocense lost. Your move to Provence is a blessing. Praise be to God for protecting you all.

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  10. Thank you so much for this post. I feel so horrible about all of this that is happening in the world. My knee jerk reaction was why don't we just bomb them all and be done with this. I realized this was not only the wrong reaction (although certain politicians may feel this is the only answer) but this is exactly the level that the terrorists are on. They have gotten to a place in their lives where the only answer is to blow themselves up and take others with them. To shoot innocent people going about their lives and somehow feel that this is ok. I wonder too when did this become ok in their minds. When did the killing become the answer they were looking for? When did these acts become heroic in their minds and the minds of their "leaders"? It is so foreign to me - a middle class white female living a sheltered life in DC. Try as I might to keep an open mind to all religions and faiths, I still don't understand it. I have been very sheltered and I guess that is why this is so hard to understand. I haven't been poor, disenfranchised, abused, discriminated against, bullied, or many of the other atrocities that many of these bombers have experienced, but I still don't understand it. I hope your daughter can return to Paris with the notion of living her life safely and can take comfort in the fact that we are all grieving for the loss of innocent lives. God bless.

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  11. At last! I was very worried about Gracie. I opened your blog a hundred times a day. I think your decision for Gracie to return to Paris is the best for her. Nobody is safe. Nowhere in the world. And all this begun from the Persian Gulf war. (before that the human story begun with Abel's murder by his brother.) Hate gives birth to hate. When I was 20 (1973), I was almost killed in the students' revolt against the dictatorship in Athens. I was lucky. That's all. We must stand firm, we must help, we must be good everywhere we can. Perhaps the world will change a little. Perhaps not. There's always hope! Many kisses!

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  12. "Do I transfer her to a community college in Nebraska where it’s safe?” - You summed it up, there’s not much we can do to protect our children. I tend to think that what happened in her neighborhood (under my sister-in-law’s windows actually....) will happen somewhere else next time, so she is safe for now - Very scientific reasoning, isn’t it ?! If there’s sadness on both sides, it’s in the mamas’ heart for sure. Marie

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  13. Dear Ellie, I am so glad you and your family are safe. I have thought about you a LOT over the weekend, somehow I feel like I know you now so I think about you just as if you were any other friend.
    I have a 1 year old daughter and I can't even compute the fear I have for sending her off into this beautiful and terrifying chaotic world. From my new mom perspective, all I want to do is be there with her, so I can go crazy mama bear on anyone whoever thought about hurting her, but that's just totally crazy. I don't want to shelter her either. You sound so wise and I am so glad you wrote this post. Speaking openly, honestly and clearly about your fears and expectations of Gracie is probably the best option you have.
    How does Gracie feel? I would imagine pretty shaken up. I hope she follows her gut and listens to her instinct when she returns to her neighborhood.
    Your point re: apple juice, drawing with colors - maybe they haven't been loved and nurtured on. It was 3 brothers. Maybe they were raised this way. But maybe they weren't, in which case I feel so sad for their parents. I feel so sad for the people of their faith who do not believe in this extremism but get lumped in with them all the same.
    Chin up, shoulders back, wind at our backs, sun in our face... we can't let this break us down. This can't make us live in fear.
    Sending peace, and hugs to your family (And Teddy!!!) xxxo

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  14. There is an interesting article in the nation.com (current issue) about what motivates young ISIL fighters. I found it fascinating.
    It is titled "What I learned from interviewing imprisoned ISIS fighters" Also, when really bad things happen, I try to focus on the helpers. Look at the many people who took in strangers off the street, pulled wounded from the theater, pulled off their shirts to staunch the bleeding of cafe patrons. Most people are good. I have to believe this.

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  15. I'm a pragmatist. A Nebraska community college or an Alabama movie theater aren't safe either. Striking a balance between being alert and being alive in the world is going to take some work, but it's all we can do. As for the murderers ... evil is evil. Good people have bad kids. We see it every day.

    Terrorists earn their name. We can be terrified or we can live and support solutions, and that is clearly not apple juice in more sippy cups.

    The safest time to be in a city is AFTER an attack. Gracie will be vigilant. You will worry. That's the natural order of things.

    Perhaps you can take some small comfort in the fact that a boatload of us around the planet thought of YOU and Gracie when we heard the news. You continue to create the ties that bind. Never stop. xoxo

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  16. Hello Ellie. I don't know if you recall, but our daughter moved to Paris to attend graduate school in August. She has lived in Paris and surrounding areas 4 times, so she is very familiar and knows her way around. Fortunately, she contacted me when things started to happen there. I was cooking all day for the arrival of our middle daughter who was coming home to run the marathon races. Blissfully watching HGTV while cooking, however, means no news bulletins. Of course when Paris daughter called to let men now that she was ok, I put on a news station and was in shock - like the day of 9-1-1 years ago. We have since been discussing her travel to/from school, etc. Asked her if she wanted to come home, or if we should get her a car. However we thought, and she agreed, that the Paris events can happen ANYWHERE at anytime. If she flew home - it could be her plane that was next. Who knows? It was difficult to define our feelings, especially as caring friends, family and neighbors kept checking in with us via phone and social media. We were not thrilled that she had been contacted by our city's newspaper, and already on line and then in the next day's paper were her photo and a story. And out of the blue, a local television station and reporter showed up unannounced at our front door. Middle daughter works in public relations, she had no problem telling them we'd make no comments at this time and send them away. We didn't want her exposed any more. I agree with you in wondering about the parents of these young terrorists. In reading the accounts now being published with stories from survivors - some mentioned how shocked they were to see how young they were. I am a retired teacher, and I can't help but think that these must be children of parents' who were too busy with their own lives to worry about the activities of their children. Sadly there are parents out there like this. Or perhaps they were over baring parent's and these are rebellious children? Or did they play so many violent video games that they don't really understand reality. We will probably never know. So many of the shootings in the U.S. have been by young teens. The boy who took a gun from his home and went on a rampage in an elementary school, the student at Virginia Tech Univ., etc. What is happening with our young? We are living in very tumultuous times. I thought of you and especially Gracie all weekend, and am so glad to hear that you are all ok. And thank God, she was with you this past weekend. I remember reading that she was going to visit, and was hoping that was the case. I will share your worries with our daughters, and pray that our countries can stay ahead and stop these attacks. xo

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    1. http://www.pri.org/stories/2014-09-29/world-actually-becoming-more-peaceful-believe-it-or-not
      Agnes

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  17. Well, first they (IS) are like that for very complex socio-economic, political, cultural, historical, psychological and intellectual reasons et al. You can not lump them all together. Secondly, I don't understand why everyone is shocked that these people would shoot people in wheelchairs first. They have stolen young Yazidi girls and used them as sex slaves, they walk into markets and blow up babies in pushers - that is far more abhorrent to me. A person is a person, other than age (and perhaps contribution to the greater good), no one person is more valuable than another.
    As an aside, if you move Gracie and something happens to her you will never forgive yourself. All mothers live in a constant state of terror that every time our children walk out of the door they will be killed, raped, abducted, injured - it is an unfortunate state of parenthood that we can't control the fucking outside world - God damn it.
    Agnes.

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  18. I know for sure at least one of those terrorists had a mother who loved him, had to have. How does a person then grow up to do this? To kill innocent people who are unarmed, who are not part of any army, who are human beings. I've been sick over this since Friday. Just sick about it, it's 9/11 again, and yes I agree with the other comments it could happen anywhere. How do we collectively embrace our humanity? What is flawed in us that this is the world we live in? These are the questions driving me mad.
    I've been worried for you and Gracie but I also remembered that you said Gracie was coming on the train last week, and I thought dear god please let her have stayed for a country weekend. So happy she was there with you.
    I was watching the news on Friday afternoon, a political show, when the events started. When the news of the hostages in the concert hall came out I just knew those people were not likely to survive, these terrorists don't exactly seem like negotiators after all. All I could think is that it could be my son, who is 22, or my older daughter, age 20, this is the sort of thing they do on a Friday. I cried for those young people and for their parents and all of the things they could have been and done and now will never do because of a hatred and a disregard for human life that I will never understand.
    Thanks for your post Ellie and yes I think there has to be sadness on both sides, those men could not have been raised to do something like this. Their mothers weep.
    XOX

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  19. Dear Ellie,
    i checked this site many times since Friday evening when I heard the horrific news. I was hoping to hear you say that both Gracie and David were safely with you in Provence, and am so relieved to know that they were. I can only imagine the anguish you went through trying to decide/instruct Gracie's return to her life in Paris. Learning her proximity to the attacked cafes still gives me chills. You've raised an intelligent and resourceful young woman who will bravely, yet vigilantly, resume her wonderful life and education in the city you taught her to love.
    I keep asking - Why? There is no reasonable answer, which only serves to make us more fearful. One of my greatest fears is the backlash of xenophobia that will likely rise as a result of these terrorists acts. I understand there is a right wing French presidential candidate that already espouses these views. Hopefully, his campaign will not gain any traction from these terrible attacks. The last thing the global community needs is more hate towards different races, religions or countries of birth, as we already have an abundance of that right here in the good ole USA.
    My prayers go out to you and your lovely family and to all the families that lost loved ones in these senseless acts.
    Stay safe and well,
    xoxo

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  20. I was so sad (still am) to hear about Paris...and yes I do feel sadness for both sides but most certainly more so for the victims. Thinking of you as you process all of this and God help us all as we cope with such evil.

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  21. Perhaps you have seen this short video already, but I very much like this lady's attitude and message:

    https://www.facebook.com/BeurFMOfficiel/videos/10153037168042126/

    Once again, Bon courage!



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  22. Years ago when my son was in high school, he wanted to go with a friend to Honduras to stay with another friend's family. It was extremely dangerous at the time to visit Honduras and I talked him out of it. I implored and asked him, "Can't you spell E-U-R-O-P-E?" So they decided to fly to London and spend a week in Europe. He landed and got off the underground at around 8:15AM. Just as he emerged, bombers blew up the London Tube. He missed it by a hair.. I realized that having him change destinations may not have done much to keep him safe. Happenstance was on his side.

    Hanging out at a college in Nebraska can be just as dangerous. Lone wolf, nut jobs are in the US, armed to the teeth.

    Sigh.

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  23. How terrorists justify their act is a mystery to me. Killing innocent people randomly is horrific.. Are the terrorists promoting their belief system by putting themselves on the world stage? Do people with such belief systems think for themselves or have they been brainwashed? I agree with you, people are not born bad. Something happened, somewhere along the line. The question is how can this be prevented? Is it even possible?
    Susan

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  24. My reaction was very much like yours, without the personal involvement, of course, and without your inimitable voice.

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  25. Hi Ellie, I was so worried about you and your family, when I couldn't reach you I emailed one of your friends who assured me that you were fine, what a relief! I like you always think that there is kindness in everyone, I too wonder what makes people evil, what makes their darkest feelings win. I think that they are raised with so much hatred that all that they can do is hate, I think of the families on both sides and the sadness, so much sadness and wonder if it will ever stop. Just a sad world to live in these days but there is always a little light, the courage of those that helped others, the unity of the people but still all the losses and all the sadness
    Sending you a big hug
    Xoxoxo
    Lourdes

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  26. I do not want to go into the whole Isis discussion, the why, etc. etc. That discussion is policital and often discussed in our home, long before last Friday, etc. etc.
    I do want to use this space to maybe put things into perspective for you, easy your worries just a little bit if I can. Your worries are normal, as a mum you always want your child to be safe. As a mum myself I am no different. This hits home, especially if it is your daughter's neighbourhood, also the pictures, the live tv-broadcast (we watched things unfolding until well into the night as well) it realy, really hits you hard. However, think about the number of people that are killed every year on the roads. And with regards to that "community college in Nebraska" or a school where ever in the US, there are so many shootings in schools and elsewhere in the US, when you think about it, there is no guarantee that your child is safe there either. Unfortunately for us mums we never have any guarantee our children will be safe. Take care and wishing you the best.

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    1. The "why" of anything is always interesting and usually significant. But I am a realist! We aren't talking about trying to convince a bully that someone could really love him, if he would just stop pushing people around. Chopping off a head to prove a point makes you a soulless barbarian. There is no negotiating with a person who doesn't have a soul, and at that point, I really don't care how he came to be this way. Ultimately, I would like to understand how someone goes from pooping in his diaper to beheading anyone who doesn't agree with him, but first, he needs to be eradicated so that I actually have the luxury of philosophizing.

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  27. Ellie, I've been here on the other side of the world waiting with bated breath to read what you'd end up posting...I was not quite sure what your viewpoint would be, knowing that you live in a part of the world most of us only dream of doing. I knew that whatever you'd have to say would be as a front row participate. You continue to amaze with this particular post. I had not stopped to consider this question. Yes, now that you mention it does make one ponder that question. It grieves my heart as well, to think about where it all went wrong from that perspective. My heart is burdened for the losses, on so many levels😢

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  28. I waited with bated breath for you to finally post. I wondered if Gracie was with you in Provence. So very happy that she was. Continue on. We cannot lock ourselves away in fear. That is no way to live, but just exist. We all should use general and practical safety precautions, and continue to live and enjoy our lives. To NOT do so means that our enemies win.

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  29. THE WORLD WE LIVE IN TODAY-PART 1

    Mao said that dead people don’t all weigh the same,that some weigh like a feather but others like a mountain.The dictator knew what he was talking about since he soon lost all sense of weight and measure.It is certain we will all remember the seven terrorists and the horror they spewed out of their machine guns. To name them, as the press is now doing, would be to grant them far too much importance.We should no longer even laugh when we think that those morons blew themselves up believing they were on the way to meet 72 virgins. What can we do with such vermin? We have to wipe them out pure and simple.The world’s press reacted,pointing out that beyond the many victims,a certain notion of life had been targeted, something that couldn’t be measured with a promised 72 number of virgins. The images have been powerful since that ominous Friday night, but we should not be reluctant to look at them,even if it hurts and be vigilant of what might be next. When lunacy is measured in corpses,it should give all of us the strength to move beyond simple thoughts.I was brought up never to use the word hate,I do now.I was brought up to believe war is not the answer,that has changed.

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  30. Yes Ellie - I wonder too. Where does the hate come from? I do feel that the ordinary Muslims need to be speaking out to condemn these actions though. There seems to be a reticence on the part of some leaders. Glad Gracie is safe. Tonkath

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  31. Thank you, Stephen - you made me laugh out loud in spite of the subject and goodness knows we all need some smiles and laughter since Friday's horrors. France is my adopted country and it holds a special place in so many people's hearts, but most of us will never know the disenfranchisement felt by these young men. This is no surprise to us if we've been paying attention since 9/11. Many of them are drawn in by brother and father figures who know young people who feel they have no futures make easy recruits. Hopeless and marginalized, they are easily drawn into a world that promises them something better or at least more interesting than what they had. While this is no excuse for the horrors they inflict, it is nonetheless instructive to the rest of us and we western citizens need to press our governments to address the situations of young, unemployed, disenfranchised men and women. It would be a start, at least.

    Ellie, thank goodness Gracie is safe. I am lucky enough to have five grown children (my oldest will soon be 34) and I know it's trite to say you never stop worrying about them, but it's true. And yet, at least for me, there isn't a choice but to let them go. You're such a good Mom to Gracie - you understand your role. You are brave for yourself and her and you have taught her so much about being a strong woman and a citizen of the world. She will get through this and so will you!

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  32. Ellie since this tragedy I've been extremely touched to see and hear the passion and compassion that people feel for France and its people. And of course everyone asks: Did you know anyone? When I look at the faces of the people who died, I feel as though I knew everyone. Young, beautiful, sweet, intelligent, people with good long lives ahead of them. In the space of what, one or two weeks, we've had a plane blown out of the sky in Egypt, we have Beirut and we have Paris. What I can't fathom is how the evil-doers feel this will move their agenda forward...whatever that agenda may actually be. I feel so helpless. I'm very very glad your daughter is safe and sound. I have no idea where we go from here...

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  33. Dear Ellie

    I'm so happy that you and your loved ones are well.
    There are things we cannot explain, or see a plausible explanation... and Isis is one of that.
    See through this point of view, there are so many special people in the world, so many beauty to live for. In the end the good will win. We must not lose our hopes.

    See this lovely page. I think you will enjoy it.
    http://dustjacket-attic.com/2015/06/destinations-provence.html/

    Praying for you and your lovely family and to all the French families.

    Lenice

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  34. Marie, I felt the same reaction. Would lightning strike twice in the same spot? Especially as I have read that the Bataclan has been long on their target list as the former owner of the concert hall was a Scionist.

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  35. I can't believe that there was hesitation when shooting the person in the wheelchair, just as there was none when the terrorists shot the woman who was six months pregnant. They were no longer killing people, they were taking targets. Yes, this could happen anywhere but there are very important socio-political reasons why this particular massacre happened in France - but explaining that would be a long conversation about the Algerian War, integration and why a small percentage of young Muslims would turn to a radical belief instead. But make no mistake, this is not about Islam. In talking about the members of ISIS or Daesh, we are not talking about Sunni or Shi'a Muslims but of a radical organization who has made their own interpretation of the Koran, which, as Agnes pointed out, includes the possibility of raping Yazidi girls as a "religious" act.

    To give you another example, last night I saw a horrific video showing the Belgian man believed to be the orchestrator of the attacks, Abdelhamid Abaaoud in a pick up truck with a platform trailer linked up behind it. In it, he "jokes" (and he is laughing while saying this) that before Daesh he would have used such a truck to haul jet-skis for his vacation but now it is for hauling "infidels"...he pulls away and the camera pans to show a line of bodies being dragged behind on the ground. Those "infidels" were members of the Syrian Army that they had killed but also...fellow Muslims. Such terrorists believe their own creed and it is what directs all of their actions. Just as Catholics did during the Inquisition when so many were brutally slaughtered "in the name of God," just as so many Jews were wiped out in the name of Hitler's vision for a "pure race." To us it is obvious that it is evil.

    In regards to the families of the attackers involved, there was another video yesterday where the brother of the two Abdeslam terrorists told the press that neither he nor anyone in their family had an idea of their involvement. Neighbors have said of them and other identified terrorists in the attack that they came from "normal" families - a former colleague of another said how he loved to joke around. This is not the mother's fault. Nor the father's either - as is evidenced in the interview that was in Le Monde with a 67 year old father who actually made the trip to find his son in Syria and was not in the least bit capable of persuading him to leave.

    So yes, Daesh is "there" in Syria but they are also "here" in France. President Hollande has acted swiftly to try and locate the possible terrorists in France but the world needs to come together as one to defeat them once and for all. Even if there is no quick solution in front of us, I hope with all of my being that this is what will occur.

    Ellie, my heart goes to you, to David and to Gracie. You three have been in my thoughts non-stop as you can see by my unending annoying emails and messages. As I am not a mother, I cannot begin to imagine the worry that you are living everyday. I can imagine Gracie's fear for I felt it in Manhattan in the days after 9/11 and I am so terribly sorry that this was so close to home for her. I am so terribly sorry for all of this, for the victims, for those attacked and those who survived but have a long road ahead to recovery. I will be praying for you three, as I always do by sending Love and Strength. That is all I know how to do right now. With much Love,
    Heather

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  36. Hello Ellie: I recently saw a wonderful documentary about genocide on PBS, referencing in particular the Holocaust but in general all genocide. I didn't get a "why" answer so much but more of a "how." They noted that the "why" was the ego or narcissism on steroids so to speak, but the "how" was to dehumanize people to the point that you don't see them as human beings anymore, just targets to be annihilated in any way possible to achieve your outcome. It is mental conditioning that takes place over a period of time....in this case using religion as your catalyst. As long as people continue to be weak thinkers, there will be others who will take control of their minds and use them to their advantage. It is legal slavery, just like any cult. People are there by their own decision....but are they really thinking clearly? No, of course not. Teach Gracie to be a strong thinker and think for herself....always. I'm glad you and your family are well, Ellie.

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  37. My husband and I decided last month to take our family of six to Paris for Christmas. We remain resolute in our determination to see Paris and all it has to offer. We will not let these evil people steal our access to the beauty in this world.

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  38. So glad you are safe and sound in Provence and that Gracie was with you when this all came down. I heard a very thoughtful explanation of part of the why on NPR. ISIS feeds on the disenfranchised and the uneducated and their incentive is monetary. They pay their footmen $700/mo and pay on time. The Afghani soldiers (Afghanistan is their newest foothold) are paid $350/mo, but not monthly but very sporadically, no way to support their families. These people are largely uneducated and have no way of knowing what is going on out in the world other than what is being feed to them by ISIS. The commentator was horrified by the fact that they have gone into what schools exist to teach YOUNG children about jihad, weapons and acts of terror, showing these innocents videos of be-headings, hangings, etc. All in the name of Allah. They want to destroy "modernists". There is no logic, no real religiosity, just the desire to destroy. It is horrifying and it is happening as witnessed by Beirut, Paris, Syria, Kabul. It seems that the only way to stop it is to stop their "funding", oil. Ironic. Somehow the insanity has to be stopped.
    I was in Paris in July and I would go back in a heartbeat. Yes, there were moments when I thought about the opportunities afforded to terrorists, ie., crowds of tourist, busy metros, etc. I decided to not be in fear but to embrace the time that I had in that beautiful, diverse and vibrant city.
    Stay safe and Gracie is a smart girl, look who she has for a mother;), she will be as vigilant as she can be and still enjoy and receive the education/experience you want for her.

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  39. I have to believe there is something off with the wiring in the terrorists' brains, and that combined with a bunch of different factors (despair, suffering, family life, depression, brain washing, other) makes it possible to do such evil. I had to do a major job this morning to rouse a high school son out of bed to get to school. Granted, he really does have a bad cold and sore throat and is wiped out, but off to high school you must go...your father goes to work feeling crappy...get in the shower NOW...yada yada. Parenting is hard work, and growing up is hard work. So to know these terrorists were so young is very sad. Could someone have pushed them in a better direction or halted them from traveling the evil path they followed? Made them get out of bed and get in the shower? It's probably not as simple as that but you raise an interesting point Ellie, how did they get to this?

    I was in a large, crowded church on Sunday, and looked around suspiciously at one point. And thought, perhaps we've come to the point that every crowded place needs to hire a undercover gunman to take out the terrorist if/when he/she comes to our town next. Then we could all relax and be free of fear, lol...unless they were a suicide bomber strapped up with explosives.

    These are random thoughts from another mother with college/high school aged children. I asked my college son (14 hours away at school) a few weeks ago if this was a scary time to be growing up, and if he ever worried about the crazies in this world. His reply was that he was way more likely to be in a car accident or hit crossing the street than he was to being shot by a crazy. Not sure he'd say the same thing today if he were your Gracie, but I do hope she and the rest of us can adopt some of that thinking and get on with our days...grateful for the sunshine and the rain.

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  40. So thankful that Gracie is okay.

    Note to Agnes: Amen, I concur and could not have said what you wrote above any better about worrying about our children and loved ones - all the time.

    Sincerely,
    Debra from SENC

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  41. Dear Ellie I am so glad that your family is all safe right now. These people may have been raised like you and I, however at some point they became involved in such an evil extremist group and in a brainwashing sort of way changed/ changed their lives completely. They have a tunnel vision and probably did not even really look at who they were shooting. A madness spree.

    Thank God we have people all over the world who do pull together in love and kindness during these times; because unfortunately there will be more occurrences like this. It is just a fact, we cannot change the world, only one person at a time...

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena
    The Blink of an Eye

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  42. Ellie, I pray daily for my grandchildren, my friend's grandchildren, and my neighbor's children, that they are safe, make
    good decisions, and have happy lives. I have added Gracie to that list.
    Mary, Columbus, Ohio

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  43. I am so glad that Gracie is safe. Yes, teach her to live a live of courage and freedom with some precautions. I lived in Bilbao, Spain at the height of ETA's (Basque Separatists Movement) reign of terror and my husband's project was the focus of many of the attacks. Be Brave, watchful and, above all, faithful. xoxoxo Mary

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  44. To get on the tube or go to Oxford Street which is the most congested bits of any city in Europe and not think twice about the possibility of getting killed would be lying. It crosses our minds at least once. And I didn't even live here during the IRA bombings so I don't have that extra baggage unlike other Londoners but everyone I know has been taking precautions ever since our tube and bus incidents in July 2005. I would say to Gracie to still be careful - maybe not Carrie on Homeland - but go with your gut, avoid crowds ( if possible ), and take the velib if she can. We all lock our doors and take normal precautions so there is nothing wrong with just being more aware of your surroundings. One hasn't "lost" and "succumbed" to the terrorists by being careful.

    Yes there is sadness on both sides - I am sure the caliphate is upset that the two bombers in the football stadium screwed up and more people weren't hurt there. I get so upset that they kill themselves - not about human life because I prefer them to be rotting in a cell.

    If the person in the wheelchair had submitted to the Caliphate then they would not be shot. People who marched against the invasion of Iraq don't get a special pass either. It is an in or out proposition - all those who are not part of Daesh/Isis are infidels. Pure and simple.

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    1. My husband missed the 38 bus which exploded on 7/7 in London by minutes. This was after he tried but could not get into one of the tube stations which had been bombed minutes earlier. I was heavily pregnant and phones were down. For hours (as he walked home) I didn't know where he was and it chills me to think of what could have happened had he been minutes earlier. BUT we did not move, we did not change our way of life at all. Terrorism is random, that's the point. You can't really outrun it. We would and could not give in to it. And so we went about or lives as we always had. My condolences to the people of Beirut, Paris, Iraq, Syria .

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  45. I have tried since watching the attacks on Paris unfold to find a reasonable answer to who and why someone would do something this horrible to innocent people and I can't. The goal of these monsters is to spread fear and terror, and if we move to the backwoods of Nebraska or anywhere else in the World it only validates their actions. What do we do? I don't have the answer to that but we need to continue to live our lives to the fullest but hopefully we make ourselves more aware of our surroundings to keep us safe. But, we don't allow Terrorists to dictate how we live our lives or to create hatred against an entire religion because the action of a few. I agree that those who say Paris is probably a much safer place to live at least for now. We need to raise our children to be independent, and maybe just a bit more worldly. I grieve for those who lost their lives, for their friends and their loved ones, I grieve for those who have had their lives changed forever because of this, but I also grieve for the families of the misguided individuals who have committed these acts of evil. Hug your children and tell them often that you love them. I'm thankful that you are your family are safe and I think your decision that your daughter should continue her education and her life in Paris is the right one. Even if it's probably one you might question again and again. God Bless you and the people of Paris.

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  46. I believe that it is almost impossible for us to imagine how the minds of the terrorists work. My son recommended a video that you can find on YouTube by looking up Vice News--ISIS, and see inside the operations in Raqqa. There are essentially no women shaping the lives of the boys being trained to kill in the name of God.

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    1. Just watched that video, whoah, I just learned a lot about the Islam State. As you say, no women shaping the lives of the boys being trained. Leaders denouncing family as not important to them. It's back to Elli's title...people living like they have no mamas. Hypocrites, dangerous and brainwashed.

      I find all of these comments very interesting.

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    2. EEEK! I am going to try to watch it! I desperately want to understand........seriously.

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    3. Ellie; I honestly believe that you were prescient! You sensed something....you had to get out of there. David backed you up.....and you got out of there so quickly it made my head spin!!
      I think you may have saved Gracie's life......

      And my heart breaks for them mothers and fathers of these people who can shoot automatic rifles at humans. It kills me. I will never be able to grasp it!
      You are beautiful beyond......and we are all so so lucky to have you among us!!

      Penelope

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  47. It's me again the same person who posted yesterday THE WORLD WE LIVE IN TODAY-PART 1.I would like to know how to post with my name as I have no reason to hide behind what I contribute to this blog.A brief answer to the posted comment from Nov 17th "There are essentially no women shaping the lives of the boys being trained to kill in the name of God.".I am American gay man born in NYC who adores women (in fact my best friends globally are females) who has traveled extensively around the world for business in more years than I care to remember,a life of 5 star hotels,5 star restaurants..parole,parole.parole.Spending a good deal of time in the Middle East the answer is simple and sad..it's A Man's World..where woman serve 3 purposes only,housekeeping,making babies and sex.Woman are for the most part forbidden to have an education,wear make-up or dress in clothes other than those that look like shrouds.There are exceptions but even with these exceptions it was,is and will always be a man's world.So how could a woman shape the lives of any of their children? How do the minds of terrorists work you ask?All that is needed is a person or a group that can offer something,that in the minds of those that have not been educated between right and wrong think is better,and the majority of times they will go for it.With what is going on in America(I left in 1986 for Asia and never looked back) and globally I see humans but no humanity.I was asked to give a lecture on the way of the today's world and will share my opening thoughts below.So to Ellie and all that have commented here live everyday to it's fullest and love all those near and dear to you...Robert Edward Keilitz


    Being Vigilant In Today's World
    How does it feel to be targeted by a terrorist sniper?
    In this order:
    You wake up in the morning planning your day thinking about what needs to be accomplished to have a productive one.Maybe your own problems and issues that need solving or maybe just a fun filled day with friends,family or just alone.
    You go about your business and you feel nothing or hear nothing out of the ordinary.
    At the same time from somewhere someplace, a twack sound you likely don't hear,the bullet entering your skull or another part of your body
    Half a second later, the boom of a sniper rifle having shot an AK-47 or maybe .338 LaPua supersonic round. You don't hear that either.
    Then you are dead or lucky if alive but possibly mentally,emotionally or physically scarred for life.
    Snipers that have been interviewed about what they felt when they shot another human answered they prefer body shots to head shots due to psychological effects............most answered the thrill of "recoil" and "accomplishment".

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  48. Ellie, I so appreciate you opening this up for discussion....I have learned many things from my "Ellie friends" all over the world...views that are not expressed here in (US) media...it gives me a better understanding in to this incredible tragedy, and who is behind it.
    The only insight I can offer...is from my Dad... He was a bomber pilot in WWII and the Korean War..at age 83 with a terminal disease and knowing he had a short time to live I asked him, what his 3 Distinguished Flying Cross's were for...he tried to brush me off, as that generation is known for...and I said "No Dad, your grandchildren may want to know one day." He looked at me and said..."tell them I was given these metals, because God did not want me that day".....I choose to live my life that way, and mother that way also...Grace will always remember you, giving her your blessing, to go back to Paris. You dear Ellie know more than most of us, how very little control, we have over living and dying....and every day I thank God, that you are in my life... to remind me how precious each day is. XO Candy

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  49. My heart aches after hearing about these terrible events. I cannot understand why people can so cruel and callous.
    It must be a huge relief to have had Gracie by your side while this was happening in Paris.
    The news has been so graphic and I have had to turn it off and take a break...my wee grand children are growing up and I wish for them to live in peace. I hope the situation improves as we in Canada are expecting about 25,000 Syrian refugees before Christmas. Kindness and love must triumph over violence and hatred. It must.

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    1. I am so very proud of Canada. They refuse to be dissuaded from taking in these families so desperately in need. I believe they will give back to your country so so much! They will be so grateful!!!

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    2. I'm finally proud of my country as well. I'm so sorry to read some of these comments which imply "Moslems" (eye fucking rolls) are conquoring Europe. That is just dumb American aspiring to appear cultured idiocy. I have a problem with Islam, and I have a problem with all fucking types of fundamentalism. They destroy the lives of people in "their" communities first (women, GLBT people, dissenters, atheists, those with different/more liberal interpretations). I fucking hate them all. I love Paris. I love Europe. I also love Mumbai. And I'm sure I'd have loved Beirut and Syria if I'd ever been there. I grieve for all of the people who've been affected by these murderous beings beneath contempt. I can't bring myself to read about the lives they've taken and them many, many they've shattered. What caused this? Well in part it IS "us". The fact that they're disaffected and without jobs and a way forward in SOME cases. Racism, yes that has a role. Failure to integrate. But of course there is so much more. Muslims are the first and most numerous by millions, victims of these creatures. So, no I don't believe it's Islam (though, again, I really don't respect it or any religion). It's a very powerful ideology and modern recruiting system which gives broken men (and some young women) a strong and powerful identity. Sure, I guess most of these people didn't have ideal home lives. But I don't blame their mamas necessarily. I blame them for not being people enough to find another way out of their shit and sinking to the unspeakable. But, as I said at the beginning, I'm so glad that my country (Canada) is not falling for their shit. We will go forward with our plan to accept refugees and I hope we will accept many more. Some parents at my daughters' school are in the process of sponsoring a family, whom I hope will travel here within the next few months.

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  50. I wish I could post a pic I saw posted today of young (& by young, I mean ages 4-8) Syrian boys & girls holding toy guns to their friends' heads as their friends knelt in front of them. These poor children have been brainwashed, so we can't be surprised when they commit evil acts as teens and young adults. However, I think we do have to question the philosophical assumption that people are born innocent and only learn to be bad or do evil. (As a parent, I can definitely say my kids don't have trouble coming up with disobedient schemes on their own. My entire job as a parent is to teach them NOT to do evil and NOT to follow their natural, sinful inclinations)! Have you ever considered maybe humans are born into a sinful world and are inherently lost and hopeless if they choose to reject truth and love and just go their own way (or follow another's lies)? All we are seeing with ISIS is generations of people following a lie ... a lie so convincing that people are willing to kill others & themselves for this lie.

    Each religion asserts its own explanations and assertions for truth, but religions can be hijacked by liars and manipulators. While we should be respectful of all belief systems, I wonder if the age of Relativism / Post-Modernism has reached its peak, the pendulum is swinging back the other direction, and people are waking up to the idea that absolute truth (rather than relative truth) exists, and good and evil do exist. Maybe if we are honest with ourselves, we will acknowledge we are all not just imperfect but capable of reckless depths of evil if we don't actively seek absolute truth in the form of God's forgiveness, mercy, and salvation. Sorry to sound so philosophical, but it's difficult address world issues & events without first going to the root and examining whether our basic assumptions are even correct.

    I am relieved your family was physically unharmed by the attacks. Praying for a hedge of protection around you all!

    RR

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  51. God Bless you and the people of Paris.

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  52. I'm reading through your archives as I just found out about you via DaniBP. What a compassionate way to look at this. I do wonder what drives people to do terrible things and if somehow we can love the hate out of them. I'm so glad your daughter was at home.

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