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Spread My Ashes At Sizzler


My two favorite restaurants as of now are Souplantation and Sizzler, I like them both for basically the same reason, a buffet. I like to choose my own food and choose the amount of food. I don't like telling people "Yes, you heard me correct, both the pasta and the steak." Souplantation is more of a salad bar and soup bar selection, while Sizzler basically signals your body that you have given up.  To each their own though. This was one of the final arguments my mom and I got into before she passed away. I thought it was logical to drive 45 minutes to the nearest Souplantation in Ventura County, and she suggested I hit up our local Sizzler. My mom had been paralyzed for the past five years, so she wasn't up to date with Sizzlers current state of affairs. I tried to explain to her that the nacho bar is not what it used to be and that I was better off trying to find a meal at Tori Spelling's house.

Her dying wish was for me to visit Sizzler, I think. It might have been for me to be a good person and to never forget her, but everything all happened so fast, so I might have mixed up her lunch order with her final will and testament.

She had requested that we spread her ashes at both Miramar Beach in Montecito as well as at the Palais-Royal in Paris. After we agreed, she changed her mind. "I also want Gracie and David to keep a little bit of my ashes with them, in a glass jar, right next to their beds." We did as she wished. We invited all my moms favorite people to come with us to the beach for a small ceremony, Andy Cohen sent his regrets. It was beautiful and devastating. David struggled for a moment to remove the ashes from the blue and white Chinoiserie vase she had chosen for herself. "Ah merde" The plastic bag holding her new form of a body had gotten tangled inside the vase, David had to manually remove her. It was much less graceful than we had imagined, but the final end result was the same. Her ashes were placed in front of the beach front hotel that was undergoing a renovation. She would have been thrilled to watch their progress, subtly critiquing their choices through a series of otherworldly signs and voices haunting their thoughts. She told me that she was going to haunt me and watch me have sex, so I was relived that she would be distracted with her new day job.


David and I made our way back to Paris together via LAX, which meant an interaction with the fine men and women of the TSA. "Why don't you check her?" I noticed David had my mom in his carry on, "She's gonna get confiscated." She didn't get confiscated, but I think all three of us might have been put on a do not fly list.

I started to notice, that the life and death of my mom, were anything but ordinary. This was realized when I asked someone what happens to breast implants when you get cremated, and if they were reusable. I was met with a look of disgust, but tried to justify my inquiry. "But what if you only reuse them within the family?" This was entirely reasonable in my head, not to mention, economical. I learned that these were not normal topics of discussion and actually my life was not normal. Not in the slightest.

So, I wrote a book. When I learned that my mom was diagnosed with ALS, I thought it was a sexually transmitted disease and then I wondered if it was contagious. I had no idea what I was in store for and that the way we reacted was not typical. I think we acted entirely appropriate, but my morals are questionable, especially after Tequila.
I hope this book will help you laugh and maybe make you cry, but if I can achieve one thing from this book, I want people to understand ALS. My mom was able to give a pretty clear vision of what she was dealing with on the regular basis and also how to style a 14th century gilded mirror. But, I think she really gained a dedicated group of readers when she opened up about her struggles and was able to laugh at how ridiculous this all was. I wrote the book to continue her story and hope of all of you will still follow it.

I thought I would use her platform here for myself now. I'll be updating everyone on the book, what's happening at the moment and also what I ate for lunch, here on her blog from now on.


Death had become a major topic in my mind, sometimes I'm scared of the unknown and other times I plan my own funeral. I have the song picked out and I have my do not invite list all ready. But I don't know where I want my ashes to be spread. All I know is I do not want to be buried because I've seen Kill Bill and being buried alive has secured itself the number one fear spot on my top fears list, followed closely by snakes and tripping on Black Friday.

Just recently, I finally visited a Sizzler, or as the locals call it, "The Siz." I was immediately welcomed by not only a young brunette named Carol, but also the overwhelming scent of melted Kraft singles and black olives. It was at this Sizzler that I experienced true happiness. I was not judged by my nacho tower or my third and fourth trip back to the buffet, but was welcomed with open arms. The sheer amount of food was enough to satisfy me but I was graciously surprised when I found the quality was on par with the quantity. It felt like home, in the sense that everyone was shouting over the Classic Rock station and no one used a fork.
I left wearing a pair of New Balances and telling Carol to "spread my ashes at Sizzler."

THANKS FOR PAYING ATTENTION TO ME XOXO GRACIE



114 comments:

  1. Fabulous‼️More More More♥️

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  2. Thank you for continuing what your mom started.
    I would have loved to hear her take on her ashes being spread.
    You write like she did too. I can’t wait for updates.
    Now I need some nachos.

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  3. Well done Gracie! Your mom would be very proud of you. When and where do we find your book? Please and thank you. Xo

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  4. Oh dear God, dear Grace. How we love you as we love Ellie! All her imaginary friends are now your imaginary friends. 😉
    This is good writing. Thank you and bless you.

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  5. You clearly inherited your mom’s sense of humor and irony. Thrilled the blog is back in action and looking forward to your book. Hugs to you, Gracie.

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  6. Keep posting. I miss your Mom’s voice.

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  7. So happy to see you pop up in my blog feed and on Instagram. I can't wait for the book. Your mom was the best!

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  8. Well done Gracie!
    I miss your Mom’s voice.
    Carry on!

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  9. Bon courage, Gracie! (As your mother taught us to say.) I can't tell you how many times I've thought of your mother and her frank manner of expressing herself. Can't wait to read more of your stories and adventures.

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  10. Your blog is like holly and ivy and mistletoe rolled into one Christmas gift. xxoo

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  11. Well written! You have a gift...from your Mom!❤️

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  12. I hear your Mom, but I hear your own voice, too. Wonderful to see you on IG and the blog, looking forward to more!

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  13. It's quite surreal, reading this.... Looking forward to reading your opinions and receiving instructions, as per family tradition.

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  14. and so it continues. Thank you, Gracie, well done

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  15. You are quite the writer Gracie, so spot on! Your mother would be (and is) so proud of you! We all look forward to future posts! All blessings & love to you this holiday season.

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  16. I cant explain the joy and sadness all rolled up in my heart. THANK YOU for continuing, as coming here always brought me so much happiness and laughter. very excited to conitnue this journey with you. XOXOXOXOXOXOOXOX

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  17. Thank you for this, Gracie. I also think of your mom often. Please keep it up!

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  18. So wonderful that you're back and carrying on where your wonderful mum left off. Have a good Christmas, Grace.

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  19. So funny and thoughtful. Thanks for sharing with us.

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  20. So happy to hear that you are continuing this! ❤️

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  21. Bravo Gracie! Looking forward to more. Thank you. Phyllis

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  22. Just like your mama....when she passed it was so final, I always wanted more...xoxo

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  23. So touched. Well done! Look forward to future installments. You have a rich life ahead of you.

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  24. Keep up the good work! I miss your mom, too. She would be very very proud of you!

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  25. It was great to read your post, Gracie. I look forward to reading what comes next. 💜

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  26. Thank you for sharing! Loved your Mom's posts! Love yours now too! God Bless! Love The Sizz too!

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  27. I look forward to reading more from you; you seem to have inherited your mom's breezy yet poignant writing style. Good luck with all your adventures, whatever they are and wherever they are. Take good care.

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  28. I had tears in my eyes when I saw this in my mail, you are a gifted story teller just like your mother! Thank you for this lovely Christmas gift.

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  29. This is a fabulous Christmas present for us. Thank you Gracie!

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  30. Wonderful to again read this blog. Blessings to you.

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  31. Love this! Thank you and can't wait to hear more from you! Jeanne

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  32. I loved reading this so much! I laughed and had a few tears just remembering your mom! She would be so proud! You are everything and more!!! Keep it up! This truly made my heart smile! Thank you!.
    Ps: I also have my funeral planned out and paid for! Lol( you never know) I have my playlist, pictures I want display and specific instructions! And let’s not forget the
    “ you can’t sit with us list” !. Much love to you Gracie! Also please send my regards to David! . Thank you for keeping her memory alive! We miss her!.

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  33. Your writing made me smile. You have a talent, as did your mum! Look forward to seeing more! - Deborah

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  34. I woke in the wee hours of the morning, after a so real dream of my dear departed husband, he left this world five years ago, I mention that fact because I thought I might be hallucinating when my email notified me of a new blog post from "have some decorum", how delighted am I to read that you're taking up the mantle! GOD bless you Gracie, glad to "meet" you,I look forward to reading your book. You write with the same wonderful wit of your mom.

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  35. We love it and you and Ellie and..how is David....

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  36. Alison McGraw MillerDecember 14, 2018 at 3:46 AM

    Can't wait to read your book

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  37. Thank you so much Gracie! I have missed your Mom's voice and to hear it coming from you is such a treat! She was hilarious. I look forward to hearing more.

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  38. Gracie, what a delight to open my email and see your post! Over Thanksgiving I was trying to describe to a friend your mother’s blog, her writings and the wonderful group of all of us “imaginary friends” she created. It’s wonderful that you’ve decided to write, and it’s clear the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Can’t wait to hear more from you. ❤️

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  39. So good to read this, love your style of writing, very observant laced with wit and a raised eyebrow.... a bit of your mum but very much your own voice. Looking forward to more in the future.

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  40. Gracie,

    You Mom would be SO proud that you are writing and continuing the blog And writing a book. Her witty sarcastic and even cauctic style was tempered by the most gracious lady I even had as a pen pal! She would often email if she found a great score of chinoiserie pieces which she knew where my weakness. I think of her so often as I have a huge chinoiserie tray she sent me (along with may other pieces) on my desk. All maked NFS (not for sale)! Take care and Merry Christmas! xxdt

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  41. How wonderful that you will continue writing on your Moms blog. How amazing are you Gracie! ❤

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  42. You ARE your mother's daughter, Gracie! So grateful you're taking up the reins. Can't wait for your book -- when?? Wishing you all life's best Justine Miller
    P.S. The captcha confirmation is out of control!

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  43. Welcome! Look forward to reading more.

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  44. I am sooooo happy that you are writing and back in my life. I miss your mom often (her writing, alas, I did not know her) and you are bringing her back but even more being yourself. You are awesome, Gracie!

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  45. Hi Gracie, I must say “you are your mom’s daughter”. I am so glad you will continue writing and now we all can follow you!

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  46. Great to continue , waiting for more !!! Thank you !! Suzanne from Paris

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  47. Wow. When I saw the name of the blog in my inbox, I thought, "Damn! She did it. Eleanor said she would get in touch with me after she died, and it looks like she pulled it off!" I wasn't disappointed when I found out it was you Gracie...in fact, it pleases me so much that you are following in her footsteps. She was a great writer; you obviously are, too. Plus, she had weird, stupid food fetishes and you obviously do too. You make me miss her so much.... xoxo - Aunt Rex

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  48. As soon as I saw this in my email I started to cry!! I miss your mom so much, but am so thrilled that you are now writing to us on the same site--it is so wonderful and healing and you are of course, incredibly funny and insightful. I don't know you, but I love you --want to know more about your book. You have all our support.

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  49. Dear Gracie, it's so great that you are writing here - I am looking forward to your book! I've been friendly with death since I was a conscious little girl, for no reason than it's just another phase in our existence. Thank you for sharing your insights about it all. Hope David is well! Much love,
    Alexis

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  50. Well done Gracie! I am so pleased you are continuing your mom's blog. You don't miss a beat from her writing. You have the same wit, which was so lovable about your mom. I think of her often. Can't wait for your book and hope you continue the blog with some frequency.

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  51. Thank you, Gracie. Looking forward to more wonderful writing from you. Ellie lives on!

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  52. Gracie, thank you for stepping into our lives. Your words are appreciated and cherished. I love your writing too. We will always miss her. Take care

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  53. Bonjour, Gracie. Love the picture of you and your mother. Looking forward to hearing more from you. Merry Christmas! xo Janet

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  54. What a wonderful surprise to see that you are continuing the blog. Your mom’s writings made me laugh and sometimes cry. I miss her and think of her often. She would be very proud of you. Looking forward to your book and blog postings.

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  55. Such a surprise to see your post. Your voice is similar to your mother's, but uniquely your own. Looking forward to more posts. Debby

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  56. Brava! I love it. You are definitely your Mother's daughter and that's a good thing. ❤️

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  57. I'm thrilled that you're continuing her blog tradition and that you've inherited her unique sense of humor!!
    Thank you,

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  58. Gracie....being the ever cautious one...I went over to La Contessa’s blog and told her I had received a blog from Ellie and I was afraid to open it ....for I was so sure it was some computer killing virus. To my relief she explained it was from you...

    I thrilled you are going to include us in your life! We all loved your Mom and feel we are your virtual Aunts...okay there could even be an Uncle or two....Can’t wait for the book....Janey

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  59. Ah Gracie, you are indeed your mother's daughter!
    With love and hugs during this holiday season..
    Karena

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  60. Oh Gracie, how happy this makes me. I think of Ellie and miss her every day. I sent you a note after she passed, hope you read her emails! Just the other day I re-read the tattoo story from her book...that photo of you in the rainbow sweater gets me every time. Merry Christmas!!xx from Ellie's gourmet friend Amy

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  61. I did a double take: "Wait...what??" So, so happy right now. Your mom definitely lives on in you, dear Gracie. thank you for extending yourself to us. Can't wait for your book! Merry Christmas to you!

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  62. Gracie, I am so honored and humbled that you kept the Scalamandre pillows I gave your mother. We had so much fun talking about design, our husbands, our daughters and life. Meeting you at her memorial, made me realize how much of her is in you. I think of her all the time and am still amazed how she left such a mark on my life ans so many others. Can't wait to read your book and am so thrilled you are doing well. Still can't believe how much I still miss her. It feels like yesterday. Much Love, Melinda Hagedorn

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  63. So very glad to see this blog pop up. I have missed all the voices on the blog.i will eagerly wait for more.
    Where are you Stephen???

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  64. Such a delight to see this in my email this AM! I too thought it might be a virus but had to take the chance, so glad I did. A delightful addition to December, Merry Christmas!

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  65. What a wonderful surprise. You are your mother's daughter..so looking forward to more

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  66. Fabulous Gracie! Can't wait to read the book. Having your mother's DNA and having lived through the torment of ALS, I am sure you are one tough cookie. You have a story to tell, and you are most prepared for anything life throws at you. I think you will find you can handle many things that will make most people crumble. Thank you for sharing your life with us. We are all like your invisible Aunts and care about you deeply!

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  67. I couldn't believe it when this popped up in my inbox today! Thank you. You're a great writer - so like your mom. Please keep it up! Already looking forward to your next post. xo

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  68. Gee Gracie, you sound like your Mom! But you too! I'm looking forward to your book and am so glad you're doing this! Hugs to you and David!!❤️I hope you're both doing well. Barb xo

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  69. Thank you for doing this...through you, she lives on!!! Can’t wait to read you!

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  70. Oh Yeah.....I feel like we're one big happy family again...
    I'm so excited...
    XO Bernadette

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  71. I too was surprised when I saw this in my inbox this morning. Ditto all the above! xo

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  72. Well done, child. Well done.

    (P.S. Sizzler cheese toast is life.)

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  73. this. is. everything. so so happy to hear from you, gracie!

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  74. So beautifully done Gracie...your Mum would be so very proud of you. A good friend introduced me to your mother, and her plight, for which I am forever grateful. Your mother was a true wonder and you sound just like her. She lives on through you. Thank you for carrying on her legacy and making it your own. Much love & warmest wishes.

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  75. I so enjoyed reading your post.! It brought back so many happy memories of your mother's writing and her zest for living. Can't wait to read further posts and learn more about your book.

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  76. So happy to read YOUR blog now and laugh and smile in the exact same way I did when you mother was writing. You've got us riveted now, so keep it up and we all look forward to that book of yours. The story continues, just how your mom wanted it too. Bravo sweet girl. Jane from San Diego

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  77. I am joyful beyond words to hear from you Gracie. Your humor and wit are so very much like your mother's! You are a wonderful writer as she was as well. I looked forward to her blog every day. I just had out the Thanksgiving cookbook I ordered from her. Her brave fight was inspiring and I think of her often. It makes one remember what just breathing and walking means in our lives. We can't take life for granted, ever. I will be anxiously waiting to hear your messages. They will brighten my day, be it from laughter or tears! She loved you SO much.
    Johanna

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  78. Gracie, you are amazing! I almost joined Ellie when I saw her post in my inbox. Although, I never met your Mom, she soon became my friend. Looking forward to your book.

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  79. Gracie what a wonderful surprise to see your email. I loved reading your Mum's blog and I still miss her. I'm so happy that you're continuing what she started with your own voice and experiences. Much love,Katrina ❤️

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  80. My heart skipped a beat when I saw havesomedecorum.blogspot.com come up on my emails. I have visited your Mom's blog often since her passing. I miss her.....and am thrilled to have you continue with her blog. Can't wait for the book. Love to you and David, as I'm sure life is not the same without her. I think she is watching over you and enjoying that you are more like her than what you though. Love, Jill <3

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  81. You have my attention Gracie! And I look forward to hearing more of your perspective on life, death, and all the funny stuff in between.

    I'm thinking about that old gospel hymn, Will The Circle Be Unbroken, and I think...not!
    XOXO Donna A.

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  82. Bless you Gracie. What a joy. Your book...the name, when will it be available. Loved your Mom, now, I love you and your wonderful humor. She is much missed...but so many can be grateful that she had you, with a your own view of experiences past and future. Please keep me on your mailing list.
    Barbara G, artist is Arizona.

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  83. Gracie, not so sure about Sizzler love but definitely know it’s a wonderful thing to read your post. YES to the book and please keep writing. ❤️

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  84. Hi Gracie, was such a welcome surprise to hear from you via your mom's site...keep up the good work, regards elke xxx

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  85. What a fabulous Christmas to all of us devoted followers of your precious mom having you step forward and carry on the story of a life well lived ! Your mom is watching and is so proud ! Well done Gracie, well done... Can't wait for more !

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  86. I loved following your mom's blog, and the few conversations I had with her. We talked about her adopting a dog when she moved to Provence And how we might connect the next time I came to France. Sadly, it was not to be.

    Your mother was an amazing, courageous, unique person who I admired greatly. I am so glad to see that you have her humor, and will enjoy following your journey. Thank you so much, Wanda Decker

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  87. Beautiful stuff, Gracie! Keep it coming!

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  88. Beautiful stuff, Gracie! Keep it coming!

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  89. What an amazing gift to all of us! So many of us still love Ellie and you as well, Gracie. I'm so glad you are continuing this wonderful site. Vive La Ellie, Vive La Gracie!

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  90. I could not belive my eyes!!
    Lovley to here about you and your life.We all miss Ellie and her no nonsence talking.
    keep up the good work .We are all still here. lizzy2b

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  91. Oh my god, I had no idea that you Gracie would post. I loved loved Ellie and learnt so much from her especially facing my fears boldly.
    I had been thinking of her for the past few days randomly an Today ihinkimissed her and I sId to myself let me visit the blog wondering if it was still active I had read David’s note last.
    I’m so glad you’ve decided to write . Makes Ellie’s loss less harsh. Go on Gracie , we’ll be reading you! Oh by the way, hi from India

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  92. Well-written! I look forward to your new venture, and wish you success. Don't let us elders daunt you.

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  93. What a great email!I was so glad to read one from you,as I think of your Mom from time to time,and loved her stories,wisdom and strong will.
    Looking forward to your emails
    Gracie-tell us what's going on in your world.
    Cheers,
    HOPE

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  94. Gracie,please continue to write and tell us what you have been up to.
    So miss your Mom.
    Cheers,
    Hope

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  95. "I was better off trying to find a meal at Tori Spelling's house." LOL. Gracie, You are smart, funny and real, just like mama.

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  96. Gracie - so wonderful to hear from you. I'm sure you know that all of your mom's imaginary friends have been thinking about you. I definitely think you have inherited your mother's wit and way with words. I'll be looking out for you here!

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  97. Trip on Black Friday or trip in the middle of Park Ave.? I've done one of the two ...

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  98. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
    OMG, I remember when your mom told you that she was going to watch you having sex. And now, I think about her at the most inappropriate times. Cough cough.
    Much love to you, always!
    Hollye

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  99. It brought me so much joy, to see this "blog" sent to my e-Mail once again. I have thought of your Mother many times since her death, and often wondered how you and David were going on without her. Thank you so much for posting on your mom's "decorum" site, I am so happy for you, Gracie, that you are ok, and really aright.. How difficult for you life has been in the last year, I have no idea, but you made it through, and I think it would be safe to say, Ellie was there by your side, every moment of every day, she loved you so, I know that for sure, from every e-mail of your mom's that was sent out to all of us. A very wonder and special woman, as your Mom knows, that is you also....

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  100. Gracie, thank you so very much. I look forward to hearing many wonder stories during this next year. May 2019 be full of abundant blessings for both you and David.

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  101. Just was checking in here for the cheesecake recipe. Wow. So thrilled to see the blog is back up and what a beautiful way for you to honor your mom. I use to log everyday and now I have a reason to do so again. You are funny and smart and she's very proud. Looking forward to reading your posts and your book.

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