How Not To Have a Meltdown on Thanksgiving. By Ellie O'Connell

My Grandmother's Recipe Box

Thanksgiving. A beautiful day to celebrate and give thanks with your friends and family. Also known as: a year-long lead up to a day filled with at least six out of seven deadly sins including gluttony, wrath and sloth. You know it’s true. No Thanksgiving goes smoothly. There is always some sort of cooking disaster like burning the rolls (my mother’s signature move) or some annoying relative who inappropriately “over shares.”

No matter what you do, how much you organize, how much you plan ahead, or how much you pray for a smooth day… It ain’t gonna be. However, there are some tricks that can minimize the carnage.

I think we can all agree that the foremost trick to having a near disaster free Thanksgiving is to plan ahead. Make a list and check it twice. Grocery list, guest list, floral list, music list, drinks list, table setting list… List, list, list! And it’s important to delegate. Let someone else help. My mother usually does 90% of the work but typically she delegates out setting the table, lighting the candles, filling the glasses with water… Stupid jobs for stupid people, I am sure, is her theory. Nothing serious because she doesn’t trust any of us to do it correctly. She usually just has my sister and I do menial labor and then she will come in and put the finishing touches on everything. I am 45 years old and to this day I have never made Thanksgiving dinner. I have been my mother’s assistant to Thanksgiving dinner but the reigns have never been passed over to me and probably never will be unless my mother drops dead, God forbid, and we will have to retch that spatula out of her cold dead hands. Ha ha,ha, I’m laughing as I write that. (Relax, my mother would be laughing too.)

However, this year is my first year to make Thanksgiving by myself and when I say “by myself” I mean my three male Filipino caregivers will be morphed into chefs, bakers, florist and decorators. I have had 45 years of “Thanksgiving observation” and my skill retention will be put to the test this year in Provence as I attempt to “do Thanksgiving.”

I will rely 100% on my Thanksgiving cookbook, Surviving Thanksgiving. Every single one of my family secret recipes are described. My great grandmother’s green beans with bacon. Check. My mother’s famous cranberry sauce (Yolanda Hadid’s favorites). Check. Our family secret stuffing recipe with a surprising ingredient. Check. Sweet potato soufflé from a down-home Southern source. Check.

I am also going to rely heavily on every “tricks of the trade” I can find. These tricks can come from home cooks to professionals. I have started a compilation but I would like all of you to contribute your best Thanksgiving tricks/tips in the comment section so everyone can share their Thanksgiving advice!

I have started a little compilation:

Our beloved Stephen leads our Thanksgiving advice: “I follow the Libby’s back of the canned pumpkin pie recipe, except I: 1) use duck eggs 2) double the spices and 3) bloom the spices in half a stick of melted butter 4) add 1 tablespoon whiskey to the filling (helps evaporate moisture more quickly and amplifies flavor).”

Stephen continues with his holiday spirit advice: “Guests like to help. I know this, every etiquette/hosting guide says this. Every lifestyle personality urges “get your guests in on it! It’s more fun!” Bull and shit. I would like to be that person who opens his kitchen, passes a spare apron, and says, "Oh, darling! Chop these carrots however you feel regardless of how I’d like them! Even though you just pet my dog, don’t worry about washing your hands since there are two people blocking the sink arguing about abortion. But that’s not me. I'm a solo act. I feel it’s a strength and I at least recognize this; but in the scheme of things, it's probably a weakness. So, maybe in 30 years when I’m alone on Thanksgiving, I’ll reassess. For now, the model remains: "Darling! Get the fuck out of the kitchen."Bold

But this is just the beginning of Stephen’s Thanksgiving advice. Pop over to Stephen’s blog HERE to read the funniest most realistic advice on Thanksgiving you could ever hope for! You will not be disappointed!

My friend Amy M. is up next with her Thanksgiving advice. Amy is a former editor of Gourmet Magazine and not only knows how to make something taste good but look good also! Amy suggests: “1. Take the time to make turkey stock for your gravy! It doesn't take long and makes a huge difference in flavor. There is an easy recipe on p. 377 of the big Gourmet yellow cookbook. Also, my booze of choice for gravy (in addition to the requisite white wine) is a medium Madiera. 2. If having a large crowd, instead of cooking 2 turkeys which is very cumbersome roast one larger bird and a boneless turkey breast (size of both depends on total number of guests). It's much easier to focus on one bird and then roast a breast--which takes much less time--as most people choose white meat anyway. Dark meat lovers are usually few in a crowd. 3. Many side dishes can be made ahead but not mashed potatoes (no no no). Purists prefer a food mill but I usually don't have the patience for such w/ a large amount so usually use an old fashioned masher. Make sure you warm the butter/milk/cream mixure so it's hot when you add it to the potatoes. (Some people swear by an electric mixer for mashing which is what my mother always used but you have to be gentle and not overdo.)  4. re: dessert: if you're going to make homemade pies, please please please take the time to make your own pastry. My favorite is Dorie Greenspan's "Good for Almost Everything Pie Dough" on p. 442 of her book "Baking, from my home to yours" one of my favorite baking books--a MUST for any baker!”

Thanks, Amy!

My idol, the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten masters Thanksgiving by offering her advice by keeping it simple. You can read all of Ina’s Thanksgiving advice HERE but here is a little snippet.

Ina advises: “1. Make a game plan. I take a big piece of paper and write my timing on it, working backward. If I want to serve the meal at 4 o’clock, I think, the turkey must go in the oven at noon, come out at three, and then rest for an hour. Then I look at the carrots and parsnips: make them in advance? Yes, they can be reheated while the turkey rests. I pencil that into the schedule. I make sure that there are some things in the oven, some things atop the stove, some things I can make in advance and reheat, and some things I can serve at room temperature. 2. I love to order cookies with people’s name on them as place cards. They are from Eli’s Zabar ($24 for six, elizabar.com). 3. Ask each guest to bring a dessert. They will feel like they are part of the team (and they’ll enjoy their favorite sweet).”

This last bit of Ina’s advice is the complete opposite of my mother’s advice. If a guest brings flowers or dessert to my mother’s Thanksgiving… She will kill you. I have written a complete rulebook in my Surviving Thanksgiving cookbook of what not to do at our house for Thanksgiving titled, “My Mother Will Kill You If You…” You can order the book HERE. It is available in softback and as an e-book if you want it delivered today on your device.

 

 

This brings us to my mother’s Thanksgiving advice. My mother says: “My only really great trick is the one that I use for making all sauces/gravy. I learned it in cooking classes in Springfield, Missouri and have used it forever. 2 Tablespoons melted butter to 2 Tablespoons of flour.  Mix together with a fork and blend it into your liquid with a whisk. If the liquid needs to be thicker make more of this mixture. You can increase the amount but it is always the same equal amount of butter to flour. My other trick if you can call it that.....is before any holiday or event I try to do my best to be really organized with the food and the preparations. Even though I might not look organized to anyone else I am to me! This is really the most important part of any party, holiday or even the evening dinner. Before Thanksgiving I make a list of everything I need to do...even the smallest thing like making sure the napkins are ironed.  Remember the Thanksgiving that I didn't do that and I had a meltdown...I really was not organized or completely prepared...Even as much as I wanted to blame everyone else it really was my responsibility for the meal and that included the napkins....the details do matter. So get prepared, get organized and then you can enjoy the meal and have fun!”

True story. My mother literally had a nervous breakdown over unironed napkins one year. It was about 11 years ago and we are still talking about it/scared about it. But don’t confuse that napkin meltdown with her other meltdown regarding the year my sister brought a store-bought pie to Thanksgiving dinner.

Okay, so now it’s your turn. What are your best tricks to a fabulously seamless Thanksgiving, if there is such a thing. There isn’t but we can at least try! Leave your tricks/tips/advice in the comment section so we can all share. Happy almost Thanksgiving! Gobble gobble!

 

Surviving Thanksgiving Cookbook!!!!!!!!

Today is October 1^st and you know what that means… Only 57 days until Thanksgiving!

It’s time to start getting ready, ladies and Stephen! The OCD, control freak, and spaz in me is already preparing. The guests are invited and will remain the same depending on their behavior, the tablecloth has been thought out, the platters are organized and because I live in Paris, the land of no Thanksgiving, I will have to make my pilgrimage over to The Thanksgiving Store in the 4^th arrondissement of Paris over the weekend to order/purchase everything I need. And yes I realize it’s only October 1 but you can never be too prepared.

Thanksgiving Shop

20 Rue Saint Paul 75004 Paris

 

And that, my friends, is why I am reintroducing my Thanksgiving cookbook, Surviving Thanksgiving, today! I want all of you to have plenty of time to order it, receive it, read it and prepare before the big day.

If you weren’t around last year for the inaugural Surviving Thanksgiving blog posting, CLICK HERE.

Surviving Thanksgiving is a humorous look at Thanksgiving, a guide and most importantly, a cookbook. All of the recipes are generational O’Connell family secrets.

Here is a little excerpt from the book:

Ahhh, Thanksgiving dinner. The holiday where emotions run high. My family has at least two fights on Thanksgiving …pre-dinner. It could be about ironing the napkins, it can be about why I invited every Tom Dick and Harry in the neighborhood, it could be about my sister hogging her new baby, it could be about my brother eating all of the appetizers before the guests arrive, it could be about my former sister-in-law acting like a guest and not lifting a finger but usually the fight is always about my siblings and me “not helping in the kitchen enough.” The funny part is that if we attempt to help in the kitchen, my mother always tells us that we are doing it wrong and pushes us aside. We are either chopping the onions incorrectly, we are stirring the gravy too fast or not fast enough, we are not basting the turkey with love, we are being too dangerous with the Cuisinart blade, we are not watching the pies in the oven closely enough, etc. We decided that the best thing to do is just to leave my idiot savant mother in the kitchen to work her magic by herself. And she has, for 44 years. We have never helped her. To this day I have never made a Thanksgiving dinner on my own because she has never taught me. This is the first time she has ever even written the recipes down.

My mother was born cooking. She had no choice because it’s what my family does. My mother’s home when she was growing up was a big Carthage stone house that was always filled with tons of family. My grandmother, her housekeeper, Parthenia, my mother and her two sisters, Judy and Becky, ruled that house with an iron spatula. Everything revolved around food and the holidays. Sunday dinners complete with formal dinnerware and chafing dishes on the buffet were de rigueur. Even if we had my grandmother’s famous green pepper steak Chinese dinner, it was going to be on porcelain with linen napkins and crystal glasses. All of the children, including all of the cousins never really helped in the kitchen. We were only allowed to watch. Our job was to help set the table. I’ve been setting the table since I could walk. The good news is that I don’t ever remember anyone asking us to do the dishes.

I don’t want you to think that this Thanksgiving dinner recipe cookbook was put together lightly. This is an accumulation of years of testing, experimenting, and fine-tuning. My mother has been the teacher of private cooking classes, the chairman of the Los Angeles Junior League cookbook committee, has had 2 successful gourmet cookware/gourmet food shops, and has thrown more cocktail parties, dinner parties, birthday parties, weddings and holiday parties than Martha Stewart could even dream of. She is the dyslexic Martha Stewart… Which brings me to another subject.

As much as we love my mother, she is definitely…how can I say this nicely? Well, I’m just going to say it… She is cuckoo. I know this may sound mean but my mother has self-diagnosed dyslexia and the things that come out of her mouth are downright hysterical. She has no filter, spells everything incorrectly and sometimes backwards, never gives a clear explanation, and gets frustrated if you don’t know how to brown pork chops because, as she says, “It’s obvious.” However, she is pretty and can cook the pants off of anyone. So, as a warning, I have left all of her recipes nearly exactly as she has written them. I did have to edit a few things otherwise you would be offended by her tone and most likely would not have been able to completely understand the recipe because the words are out of order due to her dyslexia.

But what you will get with this Thanksgiving cookbook is a set of recipes that you can use for a lifetime and that you can add your own touch to as well. The recipes are easy, approachable and the ingredients are readily available at the supermarket. And, as an added bonus, I’m going to give you my mother’s email address so you to email her with any questions you might have. She loves helping people out and always has little secret cooking ideas to share. But I warn you, her emails back to you will be cryptic and possibly rude, but not intentionally. She will treat you as she treats her children…with love, humor, and a lack of social skills.

I would say bon appétit but my fancy Parisian friend, Sally Perrin, told me that is tacky and if you say bon appétit it is as if you are saying, “chow time.” So, obviously, I will never say bon appétit again… Yes I will.

Bon appétit!

The book guides you through the perils of Thanksgiving from setting the table, flower arrangements, cooking timeline, supply list, the recipes and most importantly how to keep your cool on the big day.

This is the first year that I will be (with my handy dandy caregiver, Joel) cooking Thanksgiving dinner by myself. As you know last year we were lucky enough to enjoy a very special Thanksgiving at the Ralph Lauren restaurant, Ralph’s, in Paris. Thank you Rex and the Lauren family. If you missed that blog, you can read it HERE. This year I decided to have Thanksgiving at our apartment using all of my family’s recipes from the cookbook. I’m sure I will be calling my mother four thousand times to ask her for advice and guess what, you can too! I have included my mother’s Thanksgiving cookbook email in the cookbook for all of you to use if you have any questions. She is eagerly anticipating your emails because she loves to give cooking advice. Remember, my mother used to be a cooking teacher and this is definitely her forte, so ask away! If you want to have the most delicious, home-cooked, authentic Thanksgiving of your entire life, Surviving Thanksgiving is the cookbook for you! Also, a portion of the proceeds will go to ALS research so it’s a win-win!

To purchase the Surviving Thanksgiving cookbook CLICK HERE. The book is available in softback and as an Ebook. Surviving Thanksgiving is also continuously available on the homepage of my blog on the right sidebar.

Gobble gobble!

*Something you don’t know about me? I have curated the October antique sale all around entertaining for the fall holidays. There are lots of goodies that I think you will all love. The sale starts in a few days but I will give you all a heads up via blog postings but in the meantime follow me on Instagram HERE for updates on the sale and sneak peeks!

 

An American Thanksgiving in Paris

Okay, it’s official… One would be a fool to spend Thanksgiving in Paris anywhere other than Ralph’s Restaurant at Ralph Lauren in St. Germain. There is simply no better ambience. If you don’t believe me, I will fight you. Just kidding, I won’t fight you but I will definitely question your morals, your American morals. Ralph Lauren makes me proud to be an American. Last night, I was beaming with pride and saying to myself as I looked around, “This is how it is DONE!”

Let’s back up, let’s back up a bit… How did I even get to Ralph’s Restaurant? I think my answer would have to be primarily “by the grace of God” and secondly, “by the grace of friends.” I want to thank all of you who made the effort to get your little Ellie to Ralph’s Restaurant for Thanksgiving. Thank you to everyone who made phone calls, sent emails and used all of your connections. A big Merci! I do however, have a very special person to thank… My friend Rex.

My friend Rex made a little phone call… To his goddaughter, Lauren. Lauren happens to be Lauren Bush, niece of former President George W Bush and granddaughter of former President George H.W. Bush. Lauren also happens to be Lauren Bush Lauren, daughter-in-law of Ralph Lauren. Are you dying yet?

Let’s back up, let’s back up a bit… The year 1990. My first official job is at Ralph Lauren in Beverly Hills. I am 20 years old. I am the official Ralph Lauren… Gift wrapper. That was my job, I wrapped all the gifts. I loved it. Next, I was promoted to cashier. Very important job. Next, I was promoted to salesperson and next, I was being considered for assistant buyer. Ralph Lauren was my life. Here is something maybe you don’t know… When you work at Ralph Lauren you become part of an inner world, an inner society… And it never leaves you. Once a Ralph Lauren girl, always a Ralph Lauren girl. Honestly, you can tell if someone works at Ralph Lauren. There’s just something about them. I was lucky enough to be one of those people. I loved my job. Every morning, I woke up in my cute Beverly Hills apartment, put on my cute Ralph Lauren outfit, and walked the two blocks to Beverly Drive in Beverly Hills, grabbed a coffee from Il Fornaio, and then walked a half a block more to the back entrance of Ralph Lauren. I always arrived early. There is something so peaceful about being in Ralph Lauren before the customers. I would walk up the winding staircase glancing at all of the paintings, upstairs to the home department, sit on a couch, sip my coffee and just look and look and look. I was letting it all soak in. In my eyes, it was heaven on earth.

So here we are, Thanksgiving in Paris 2014. My friend Rex makes a call to Lauren… And moments later I receive an email from Lauren Bush Lauren inviting me on behalf of her husband, David Lauren (Ralph Lauren’s son) and herself, to Thanksgiving dinner at Ralph Lauren. I literally had a little Ralph Lauren heart attack. Not only have I always admired anything Ralph Lauren related but I have also always admired Lauren. Why? Because she is the founder of the ubiquitous FEED bags!

 

In case you live under a rock and are unfamiliar with FEED, here is a brief description from her website… “As a World Food Programme (WFP) Honorary Student Spokesperson, Lauren visited countries around the world in Asia, Latin America, and Africa where WFP is operating, and was inspired by the plight of the people she met on her travels. She took a special interest in WFP's School Feeding program, which feeds and educates hungry children. After witnessing the effects of hunger firsthand, Lauren Bush Lauren founded FEED in 2007 with the mission of "Creating Good Products That Help FEED the World. She first created the FEED 1 Bag, a reversible burlap and organic cotton bag reminiscent of the bags of food distributed by WFP, to help raise funds and awareness around these school feeding operations. It was stamped with "FEED the children of the world" and the number '1' to signify that each bag provides enough meals to feed one child in school for one year.”

One bag purchase feeds one child for one year! FEED has provided 85 million meals. And that, my friends, is Lauren Bush Lauren. If you are feeling charitable, which hopefully you are, this is the most worthy organization to support. Click here to donate to FEED. Click here to volunteer with FEED. Click here to shop FEED.

So, with my heart all aflutter… I gleefully accept the Lauren’s generous invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at Ralph Lauren.

Now I have to get ready! What should I wear, I think? I know… I will wear my Malo camel cashmere dress, black stockings, my Roger Vivier flats, my Yves Saint Laurent gold cuff bracelet, and my teeny tiny diamond pinky ring, and my beautiful scarf that David bought me last year in Paris. Here’s the funny part… Because I am paralyzed, I cannot get myself dressed. I have to rely on my husband and my caregivers to do this. Have you ever had to have someone put your stockings on for you? It’s not cute. It’s actually humiliating. I usually just pretend I am in the Bahamas while they are doing it. After about 45 minutes, my clothes are on and now someone has to do my makeup. Jesus. My two choices yesterday were either to have my husband do my makeup or my caregiver do my makeup. Not to be rude or ungrateful, but an orangutan could have done a better job. But finally, in the end, Humpty Dumpty is put together and ready to go to Ralph’s!

The thrill of driving to Ralph Lauren in Paris past a twinkling Eiffel Tower is not lost on me. I am beaming ear to ear. We arrive to the restaurant and as our reservation is for four people, we invited our closest Parisian friends, Christophe and Ann-Lise. Christophe is chic and demure and Ann-Lise is the epitome of Parisian cool and always, always makes me laugh. We adore them. We await our 6:30 PM reservation in the courtyard of Ralph Lauren. Even though it is Thanksgiving, Ralph Lauren is decorated for Christmas which somehow felt perfect. It was a very traditional American Ralph Lauren theme. Swags of garland with antiqued gold balls, antler horns, pheasant feathers. Big baskets filled with pine branches. French planters filled with fresh Christmas holly with red berries. Huge wreaths. The tables were set with hurricane lamps, the chairs were complete with plaid pillows and leopard pillows. And this was just the outside courtyard! Look look look…

 

The best part about the courtyard was that it was brimming with… Americans. Yes, chic, perfectly dressed Americans. I have never been so happy to hear an American accent in Paris as I was last night. Not to be rude, but I did not want to hear any French. This was Thanksgiving. This was American Thanksgiving. This was American Thanksgiving at Ralph Lauren. You could sense that everyone was so happy to be there.

6:30 PM… The doors open and we are invited inside. Honestly, I felt like Charlie Bucket in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory… Eyes wide open with awe. I have dined at Ralph’s many times before but Thanksgiving is special. We were greeted by a trio of jubilant Ralph Lauren hosts. “Bonsoir, Monsieur Decret! Bonsoir Madame Decret! Happy Thanksgiving. We are so happy to have you with us this evening.” We were led to our table… The best table in the house… Right in front of the soaring fireplace. Everything was perfect. Everything was so Ralph Lauren and so Thanksgiving-y. I will let the pictures speak…

 

Just as we were settling in, a waiter arrived with a silver standing bucket with a bottle of champagne and said, “Champagne with the compliments of David Lauren.” I had another little Ralph heart attack. Merci beaucoup David Lauren. The menu then arrived…

 

So, as you know… I am kind of a foodie. My family operates around food. Not to sound like a food snob… But I know good food. I might even be an expert if I do say so myself. Let me tell you, the Thanksgiving dinner at Ralph’s restaurant was superb. The butternut squash soup tasted beautifully woodsy. The turkey, the stuffing, the mashed potatoes, the sweet potatoes, the root vegetables with maple syrup, the Brussels sprouts, the wild rice and the cranberry sauce… All pure perfection. And, here comes my grandest compliment… The gravy was the best I’ve ever had but don’t tell my mother. It was a tad bit perfectly sweet and a tad bit perfectly savory and served in a petite silver server. You are going to laugh but I actually had a dream about the gravy. The desserts were perfectly American because you know I hate French desserts… so the pumpkin pie, the pecan pie and the apple pie were a sight for sore eyes!

 

 

Now, I am not one to gawk because I have something called manners but I could barely focus on our dinner conversation because all I wanted to do was look at every little detail. The paintings, the Christmas decorations, the flowers, the greenery, the table settings, the candles, the other guests, the chic staff, the bar, the plaid pillows, the leather chairs with nail heads, the lighting, the chandeliers, the stone floors, and just the entire building in and of itself!

 

My Thanksgiving dinner in Paris could not have been better. Could not have been better! It almost made me want to move back to America! I kept thinking the entire night, “I wish I still worked here.” The magical world of Ralph Lauren never ceases to amaze me. Thank you Rex. Thank you Lauren Bush Lauren. Thank you David Lauren. Thank you to my David and to our friends, Christophe and Ann-Lise. And thank you to all of you who wanted this special evening for me as much as I did. I am a very lucky girl.

"I'm not judging you, I'm explaining you."

 

Dare I say it? Dare I say it? Yes, I’m going to…I’m going to just say it. Here goes…Carolyn Roehm is better than Martha Stewart. Am I going to go to Martha Stewart hell? I couldn’t possibly go to Martha Stewart hell because God knows the truth…the truth is that Carolyn Roehm has better taste than Martha  Stewart. She’s richer. Well, maybe that could be a close call as to who is richer but Carolyn Roehm looks richer and decorates richer. While Martha Stewart is still collecting Ironstone from tag sales, Carolyn Roehm is in Paris at antique auctions buying vermeil. I would say Carolyn Roehm is just one step below Valentino in terms of setting the table. If you would like inspiration about how to decorate your Thanksgiving table…look no further than Carolyn Roehm. Take a look…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See! Now you tell me whose house you’d rather spend Thanksgiving at… I would choose Carolyn but in a pinch I’ll still go to Martha’s but before Martha’s I would go to Ralph Lauren’s. I am wondering where I will go for Thanksgiving this year in Paris. Why? Why not my own house? Oh, because my daughter just informed me today that she will be spending Thanksgiving dinner at her college. “Excuse me, Gracie? You would rather spend Thanksgiving at your Parisian college where I’m sure everything will taste un-American rather than at home with me?” Her answer: “Well, grandma’s not there to cook everything and you can’t cook because you have ALS and I don’t exactly want your Filipino caregiver cooking Thanksgiving dinner.” Truth be told, I couldn’t argue with her, she’s right.

Yes, I was disappointed by Gracie’s choice but it’s her choice. She redeemed herself the following day when she told me that she wanted to start needlepointing.

We made a compromise…she is going to come to my apartment the day before Thanksgiving…and we are going to have Chinese food and watch our favorite Thanksgiving movies. Now, now I have to figure out where David and I will spend Thanksgiving. I cannot rely on David to make Thanksgiving dinner because uhh…he’s French and that would be sacrilegious and because he thinks pumpkin pie is gross. So, my task this week is to find Thanksgiving dinner in Paris. Stay tuned but in the meantime let’s look at some gorgeous Thanksgiving centerpieces and table settings…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

 

For more inspiration check out my Have Some Decorum Thanksgiving Centerpiece and Table Settings board HERE. There are a lot of really good ideas.

*Something you don’t know about me? My favorite movie is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. My favorite book is A Prayer for Owen Meany. My favorite books when I was young were Miss Piggle Wiggle. My favorite artist is Delacroix. I hate French desserts. I love to watch documentaries. I failed French in college. I have never slept naked. I used to be a star athlete. I hate my freckles. My socks have to be straight or I will throw a fit. I never let Gracie have a pacifier. My favorite restaurant in the entire world is Miss Wilkie’s in Savannah, Georgia. My brother killed himself. When I was very young, I threw my sisters Mrs. Beasley doll off of the balcony of our high-rise in Dallas, Texas because the doll scared me to death. I have almost drowned officially three times. I went to a Metallica concert in France the week after I was diagnosed with ALS. I love cereal and I eat it for dinner… Cap’n Crunch, Golden Grahams, Rice Krispies. I am hoping that when I get to heaven Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and I will be friends. I will not eat sardines or anchovies. I hate the name Wanda. I am thankful and grateful that I do not have cankles. I think my friend, comedian Kerri Kenney, is the funniest person on earth. I have “faux boobs.” I don’t ever want to go to Africa on safari because I’m afraid of animals. If I ever pass away, I hope my husband turns gay and marries my favorite most awesome friend, Tom, because they are perfect for each other. I hate Windsor chairs except on Thanksgiving. My theme song is Queen’s Under Pressure. My best friend Jenny and I consider TMZ “the news.” Sometimes I’m super shallow and materialistic and sometimes I’m super deep and altruistic but that’s rare. And last but not least… I love the Kardashians, especially Kourtney Kardashian. What about you? What don’t I know about you?