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Yogi Bear.


 
Warning: Jenny… Do not read this blog.

I have to take a brief pause today from our cooking marathon to brag. No, Gracie did not volunteer at a homeless shelter on Christmas. She was too busy reading Chelsea Handler’s latest novel. No, David did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. He was too busy screaming. No, my weekend caregiver did not learn how to do my makeup. She was busy still trying to learn how to make toast. No, I did not find a cure for ALS. I was too busy watching Vanderpump Rules. I wanted to brag about someone else today.

I received a ton of emails last night from readers asking me about my friend. Now, in life, you have friends and then you have friends. You know what I’m talking about. There are the friends who accept your invitation to a dinner party and then there are friends who accept your invitation to meet you in the recovery room after surgery.… Elective or nonelective :-). My friend, who you guys have asked about, is both. She is the girl that shows up during the sunshine and the thunderstorm. I am talking about my friend Yolanda. But we never really call her Yolanda. No, we mostly call her Yo, Yo-Yo or Yogi Bear. You might know her as one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Now, you know my obsession with reality TV… The Housewives in particular. When Yogi told me that she was going to be on the Housewives of Beverly Hills, I shamefully was so fucking stoked. Shameful because it’s rude to be a voyeur in the lives of others. Fucking stoked because I love being a voyeur in the lives of others. Interestingly though, since Yolanda has been on the show for the past three seasons, I think we’ve discussed it maybe two times. We have other stuff to talk about…

 


What other stuff do we have to talk about? It turns out that Yogi and I are both sick. Very very sick. I have ALS and Yogi has Lyme disease. The first friend I called when I was diagnosed with ALS was Yolanda. I called my other best friend Jenny after because I was too scared to call her. I knew my news would kill her. But, I knew that Yolanda would be strong… Strong for me. That’s who Yolanda is. Strong. Dutch strong. Of all the experiences that Yolanda and I have been through for the past 12 years, they were just training wheels for what was to come. People close to Yolanda have a saying… We say, “What Would Yolanda Do?” Yolanda always has the answers whether it be about boyfriends, husbands, health, decorating, children… Everything. She just always does everything right. I was like a spaz running around Santa Barbara and Yolanda was the rock. Yolanda and I had coffee Monday through Friday for four years straight at Starbucks in Santa Barbara after we dropped off our children at elementary school. Then we would have our favorite lunch together (goat cheese salad). Then, sometimes we would have dinner together at her house with all the children (chicken and pesto pasta). We spent hours every day solving the world’s problems… Well, mostly Yolanda solving the world’s problems… I was busy smoking cigarettes. We have been thick as thieves ever since.

Yolanda is like the big sister. She’s more mature, you want all of her clothes, she makes better decisions, you don’t always agree with her, she’s there for every holiday, she will defend your honor, she knows what’s best for you and in a crisis… She is there. Just like a sister. When I had my diaphragm pacing surgery, I was in the recovery room near dead with a collapsed lung and Yolanda comes running through the door to be by my side. The next thing she did was open her purse, took out her makeup bag and did my makeup. She wasn’t going to let me die ugly. That’s what you call a friend.

 


After I got sick, Yolanda and I would talk all the time and she would always ask how I was. I would tell her everything. I’m sad, I’m scared, I’m frustrated, I’m getting weaker, I can’t move my legs, I just took four oxycodone, I just fell on the bathroom floor and smashed my face, etc.… I told her the truth. When I would ask how she was she would always say, “I’m great.” But, as the months rolled by I could tell a change in her voice. I would still ask her how she was and she would still say that she was great. She never complained about anything in her life because she knew that whatever she told me was nothing compared to what I was going through… Until… Until she got sick. I didn’t even know that Yolanda was sick because she never told me. Yogi sat in bed month after month staring at the ceiling while Lyme disease was ravishing her brain. I had no idea because she didn’t tell me. She didn’t want to burden me. But now that I know she is sick and I am okay with it, it’s all we ever talk about. We decided we are going to get through this together. We talk about juicing, the value of tumeric, how hard it is to find kale in Paris, stem cells, blood brain barriers, mitochondrial supplements, flaxseed, hyperbaric chambers, oxygen therapy and anything else regarding our diseases. After that, we talk about our children. After that, we talk about our Davids. After that, we laugh. We always laugh and say, “WTF. How can we go from two healthy Santa Barbara girls, raising our children, loving our Davids, excited for the future to two Santa Barbara girls sick as dogs unable to get out of bed. As usual, Yolanda has all the answers. She knows that it is her mission and responsibility to find a cure for Lyme disease. All of you Lyme sufferers are lucky to have her on your team because she will not stop until she finds a cure. It never once crossed my mind to find a cure for ALS. I am only now realizing from all of you that maybe, just maybe, I could help other people with or without ALS through my blog by inspiring all of you to live the day with eyes wide open and to the fullest. Yolanda knew the purpose of her disease from the get-go.

I am saving all the good stuff about Yogi for my book but I thought I would tell you the most important part. You know how in your worst nightmares the thought crosses your mind of who would take care of your child if you passed away. You know you’ve all thought of it. For me, it is a reality. I actually really had to think… Who will take care of Gracie? Who will take care of Gracie like their own child? Who will nurture Gracie? Who will guide Gracie? Who will steer Gracie straight if she gets out of line? Who will make sure that Gracie will have a successful life and make the right choices? Who will hug her? Who will be the shoulder that Gracie cries on? Who will continue to raise Gracie with ethics and morals? Who will tell Gracie how much I loved her? Who will tell Gracie how wonderful her mother was? Who will replace me? That person is Yogi. This is not an easy question to ask of someone. Yolanda did not hesitate and said that she would of course take care of my Gracie as her own. I believe her. So, knowing how much I love Gracie and knowing how judgmental I am, now you can see the kind of respect I have for Yolanda. This is the person I chose to take care my daughter with all of the love that I would. So you see, even though I have ALS, I am lucky because I have Yogi.

I received a bunch of emails last night from blog readers asking me about Yolanda because of last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. If you haven’t seen it, check it out ASAP because you will see the reality of reality television. My Yogi Bear.

 

*Something you don’t know about me? Yolanda and my other best friend, Jenny, are both my best friends but they are not exactly in love with each other. I think they actually hate each other. I think it’s funny. So, out of fairness, tomorrow’s blog will be all about my Jenny. You are in for a treat. After that, we will learn how to master carrot cake.

31 comments:

  1. 1. It is obvious that you are blessed with good friends because YOU are a good friend.
    2. Stop teasing us! How long do we have to wait for THE BOOK to come out?
    3. Is cheesecake on the cooking agenda?
    -Diane W.

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  2. Yolanda is the best...I love to watch her, to see what she's wearing and just listen to her. Funny ( not haha funny) that you & her got sick as both I & my bff got sick at the same time also and I didn't tell her because of what she was going through...my sickness has & will get better though but hers is something she will have to live with forever...you, Yo & others are always in my thoughts and prayers and I hope 2015 brings us all some hope...xo

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  3. I am posting thus Anonymous because I don't know how otherwise. Don't be mad about that. I wanted you to tell YoYo (love that show too and her the best), that I heard Lyme Disease comes from Lyme Conn. where they were testing for biological warfare with chemicals. They attached to deer ticks and the rest is history! Don't know if this is true, who knows. If anyone can find out yogi can. Amanda

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    1. In order to not post anonomously, just "Select profile," then choose "Name/URL," then enter your name but no URL (whatever that is), and then follow the directions. Hope that helps. You have to do this (i.e., enter your name) each time to post a comment to Ellie.

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  4. I saw this last night and thought it was SO very sweet.

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  5. This is so sweet. I'm always a little annoyed that people so beautiful can also be so nice. I'm a huge fan of RHOBH and Yolanda was such an invigorating force to the show when it started to get tired. Lol I'm going to send you a photo of one of my friends when she wanted her hair styled in a "Yolanda Foster power coiffure". This is such a wonderful post.

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  6. Loved your post today. Thank you for letting us into your life every day. You girls are beautiful! WOW!!

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  7. Dearest Ellie, there is nothing more beautiful that a true friendship, thank you for letting us take a peak into yours and your Yogi Bears'
    I do not watch reality TV but I am going to watch the Beverly hills housewives since you suggest it, it will be a first :)
    We all have different friends and we are fortunate if we have one true friend, one person that knows us inside out and that is there for us through the good, the bad and the ugly, specially the ugly. I have several, like you, I am fortunate and one of them is also a Jenny. I hope that Yogi Bear conquers her disease, I never realize until recently how debilitating Lyme disease could be. You are both very courageous women, I follow her on Instagram and she is not only a beautiful woman but her posts always emanate kindness and such a deep love for her family.
    As we are entering a new year I wish you all that is good and bright Xoxoxoxo
    Lourdes

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  8. It's a testament to your abundance of love that I'm more than happy to co-best friend-- you've got more than enough to go around. Happy New Year my Ellie Belly!! Can't wait for tomorrow's blog...;-)

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    1. Class acts... All three of you! Thank you Ellie for sharing! xxx

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  9. New Years Eve, I have tears of the sweetness of "sunshine and thunderstorms" friendships, rare and wonderful! Passing this contact along: Dr. Klinghardt, is a world renowned Dr. in Washington State. He specializes in lyme disease. He is from Germany. I worked for Dr. Doug whom works with Dr. Klinghardt. Might be someone to speak with for Yogi Bear!
    http://www.klinghardtacademy.com/lyme-disease/

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  10. FRIENDS--the most wonderful gift in the entire world (besides children??) Thanks for sharing this enduring connection. To laugh and to love--it makes it all better. Thank you for making me open my eyes. xoxo Mary

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  11. Watched RHBH Last night and literally yelled out loud when Yolanda said her best friend had ALS. Idiotically wanted to call you right away to let you know. Pathetic, right?
    For each of you to have a friend of this magnitude is a blessing.
    Denise

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  12. Men come and go in our lives- it's your girlfriends who are always there for you. I count myself very lucky and I can tell that you choose each other well, too.

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  13. Happy New Year Ellie! May 2015 be the year they find a cure for ALS, Lyme Disease, and Melanoma.

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  14. This is just beautiful in every way. I am so happy for you both that you are there for each other. Yolanda seems like a force of nature and I know that you are too. Sending thoughts of Love, Happiness and Peace to you on this New Year's Day. xoxo

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  15. Wishing you a very happy new year- your posts are inspiring and really make my day.
    Sending good thoughts your way.

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  16. Thank you for giving us another picture of your life and your friends. Last night after listening to the noise of New Years Eve in downtown Florence, Italy, I decided that I needed to give up everything white and tomorrow you are sharing carrot cake? Ellie, I love you but.... By the way, your pecan pie recipe was fabulous. Thank you!
    I will be flying back to Marseille tomorrow morning and San Francisco on Monday.
    Kisses to you, Gracie, and David. Gracie must think us all very weird.

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  17. Friends make all the difference in our lives and you have been blessed with your long time BFF Yolanda...I must tune into that show as my daughter talks of it and coming from Victoria we are very familiar with David Foster...speaking of friends, my MIL used to be great friends with his mother.
    We must never give up the fight to find cures for these devastating diseases...
    Happy New Year!

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  18. Thank you Annie S for your how-to on not posting anonymously. I'd been doing so because I too didn't know how to post with my name (du-uuhhhh). I don't post very often but I can tell with this site I will be doing so much more often - I love Ellie's wit, humor and design style. Health, happiness and peace to all.

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  19. They knew a good person when they saw YOU!Good friends are hard to come by...........you do not lack in THAT DEPARTMENT!I think I read on Instagram that SHE mentioned YOU on TV............beautiful in every way.Love the fact YOU have EACH OTHER.............
    HAPPY NEW YEAR ELEANOR.............it will be an exciting YEAR for ALL of US!I just know it!
    XOXO

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  20. I love Yolanda too, and I don't even know her. All of the things you said about her came through early on when she was first on the RHBH. You are so lucky to have each other in such a lovely friendship.
    I just found your blog two days ago and have read every post. It is compelling. When I first started (I read newest to oldest, going backwards to 2009) reading, at some point the name Yolanda came up and I wondered if it could be her. The name Diandra came up and then I thought it was too much of a coincidence to not be both of them. At some point we find out it IS "them" and I'm then wondering as you name any friends by their first names which famous people have those first names and who it could be. It's so interesting and you must put in your book how you met all of them. It's a point of curiosity that you didn't address. Liz Hurley as a roommate...it just goes on and on. I know that long-haired blondes who live in "The 'Bu" (or anywhere in SoCal...) have an advantage.in that area! I hope you put all of "your people" in the book and how you came to meet them. It was funny. As more and more people came up, I was going like well, then, does she know Hugh, also? What about Michael? Ha! I'm from Missouri also. The only famous people I've seen have been in restaurants I worked in when I lived in California. And at a few I ate in. Oh, and in the town I live in now when they are making a movie here, which happens pretty often considering it is kind of in the middle of nowhere. But they didn't talk to me. Unless I was taking their order. But I am an overweight brunette, so my odds were pretty low anyway. Ha! No, really.
    Another thing that sat me up is how you don't mind naming names and calling people out when you think they deserve it. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it. Compelling, giving your opinion with no holds barred. Ballsy stuff!
    Well, I had some other observations but I'm probably boring you and everyone at this point, so I'll just say keep on writing and doing what you're doing.
    Sincerely,
    Sheila



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  21. How lucky that you found one another. Yolanda sounds like an amazing friend. I can just imagine the stories you two could tell. Please put what you can in your book :) Wishing you, David and Grace a good new year. To Sheila above... I loved your post !

    Bonnie

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  22. Happy New Year, dear Ellie! I hope you have had a nice day. I just finished making Beef Bourguignon, in your honor. You and I have similar tastes in perfume, so I am wearing my favorite Rose from Le Labo today, thinking about you, wishing you a good 2015 year. Lots of love, Stella

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  23. What a lovely tribute to friendship . Yolanda is a lucky gal to have you in her camp ! Remember Olders / Youngers at MUS ? Gigi / Haley . Too funny life is . Love you , A

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  24. I admire you for sharing details about your friend Yolanda, especially since she seems to have some sort of celebrity status and so privacy can be a concern. I don't watch reality (ok, I watched a marathon "Joan Knows Best" on youtube not long ago) but I want to try to find this episode you mention on iTunes or somewhere. Please pass along tips on how you watch American reality shows from outside the US.

    Yolanda seems like a fascinating person, like you. I think it's interesting how friends connect later in life, meaning after school or university, because it's hard to find good friends and it seems like you two found it. My gosh, I hope she's okay, but you say very very sick. I've heard there's a Lyme disease specialist doctor in Badenweiler (where Chekhov spent time, and in fact his final days)...perhaps she already knows that.

    On a positive note, I'm reading all of your food recipes and I'm looking SO forward to your carrot cake tips - it's my favorite cake after cheesecake (and here in Germany, Käsekuchen is perfection in my opinion) but I only know how to make the icing, which can often be the best part if the cake isn't great, but I know your tips will be helpful!

    Happy New Year Ellie and thanks for creating such a wonderful blog!

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  25. Yolanda is one of the most grounded people I've ever observed. She is one of those people that I would like to know. Unfortunately, we don't travel in the same circles. I came over to your blog from the Gardener's Cottage...yep another person I would like to know. Another blogger that I follow is the Hostess of the Humble Bungalow. She received some hater comments and handled is very eloquently but she didn't need to because her followers were right in there dishing it out to the Hater. So, next time some Hater comments, just ignore them, your followers will take them on for you so that you can save your energy.

    On another note, I read up on Stephen Hawking and he was diagnosed with ALS in the mid 1960s and he is still kicking *ss 50 years later. I don't know whether your illness is on the same trajectory as his but I'm thinking you should postpone any thoughts about your demise for at least another 50 years. I'm thinking that by that time, you will have had the opportunity to teach your great great great grandchildren how to cook. Just sayin'.

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  26. I love your blog so much. I think I live vicariously through you. I've had a dozen cancer surgeries in a few years and never had a friend show up for me.. I'm grateful to be alive and love how filled with gratitude you are for your wonderful friends. I, too, am blessed enormously, just in different ways. I have a mother who although older, is a huge source of strength. Also, a semi-present, beautifully in denial, husband. People with life-threatening illness know how useful denial is, as you wrote about eloquently. Sorry I'm rambling. Have anesthesia brain at the moment.In our next lives, we will be best friends, I know it. Love you, Ellie (and my grandmother's name was Ellie. Adore your name!) xoxo

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  27. old friends are so wonderful, as I lay here super sick, I think, humm, I will need a lamp with a fabulous lampshade, no florescent horrendous lighting in my hospital room, great organic room spray from young living oils, painted toe nails, red lipstick, fabulous organic 7 oil I just picked up that is helping my super dry winter skin, my favorite down comforter, twin linen sheets, my pillows of all sizes…if I could, I would light candles but I can't, may have to accept the tacky battery type but some look like real candles…..anyway, I hope Pooh sends me my best friend and I will make sure she has all these for her too should she be in the hospital, oh and leopard jams that are fabulous…XOXO

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