Et Alors? How To Be Parisian Wherever You Are.

 

Et alors? This basically translates to “so what” in French. That phrase could sum up the new book, How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are *Love, Style and Bad Habits. Written by four chic, accomplished, perfectly Parisian women, Caroline de Maigret, Anne Berest, Audrey Diwan and Sophie Mas. The book is more like a handbook of how to be cool. It takes a lot of effort to look so effortless, apparently. I read the book in one sitting (it’s not War and Peace) and absolutely adored it.

I don’t think you have to actually be Parisian to adopt these recommendations. Parisians are born and raised with this schooling… The rest of us need this book. What I liked about How to Be Parisian is that it doesn’t take itself too seriously or profess to be the master race… Just kind of. You have to admit Parisienne women do possess that certain je ne sais quoi whether we like to admit it or not.

 

I know, for a certain fact, that my husband still harbors a little love for his ex-wife on the sole fact alone that she is French… And I am not. No matter what she does… Divorce, accusations, lawsuits, custody battles… He still doesn’t hate her. I mean he does, yet he doesn’t and I know it is because “she is French.” (It’s weird because I’m skinnier, funnier, prettier and much more fucking ladylike.)

I also know, for a certain fact, that my French husband loves his mother more than me. Why wouldn’t he? She adores him and he can do no wrong even if he murdered someone. A few months ago when I was at his mother’s house, as we were leaving, she looked at me and said, “David est un ange.” It took every ounce of my proper upbringing not to roll my eyes and say, “Oh, Really?” Whenever my husband and I have an argument, he likes to go call his mother after and tell her everything and in turn I like to yell at him, “You’re 46 years old!” No matter what I do or how hard I try, my husband will always like his mother and his mother’s vinaigrette more than mine.

 

 

What hold do these French women have over not only Frenchman but every man? The answers are in this book…

“As you will discover, Parisienne women spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to spin every episode of their existence into a very good story.”

“Find “your” perfume before you turn 30. Wear it for the next 30 years.”

“A Parisienne woman doesn’t always say thank you, doesn’t always say hi, but will complain about the rudeness of Parisian waiters.”

What you won’t find in a Parisienne women’s closet? “Ugg boots. Enough said.”

“She’s Parisian, which is to say she’s melancholy. Her mood responds to the changing colors of the city. In the early morning she’s the lone figure walking out of the Métro as the crowds rush in. Her hair is a bit disheveled and she is still wearing her jewelry from last night. As she heads home, her heart is breaking, but no one will ever know why.”

“The Parisienne does not stop existing the day she has a child.”

“You don’t have to spend a decade’s worth of salary on your wardrobe… All you need is one signature item: the one you wear when you need to be strong.”

“Au natural” is the fruit of hard labor, meticulously passed down from generation to generation.”

A Parisienne always has a good reason for sitting on a bench… When she is walking out for good and slams the door behind her to show she means business, and then realizes that she has no idea where to go.”

 

A Parisian faux pas? Asking someone at a party what they do for a living. Overdoing it on the teeth whitening. Being “friends” with your children.

Dichotomy, she is. “She smokes like a chimney on the way to the countryside to get some fresh air. She is an environmentalist but sometimes takes her scooter to buy a baguette.”

 

How to be Parisian gives the advice you really need and throws in a recipe or two.

Need any more reasons to buy this book? It is an absolute must-read… You can purchase it HERE through the Have Some Decorum Bookstore.

 

A toute!

Virgin Year in Paris

 

So, it’s official. I have lived in France for a solid year. We decided to move to France for a few reasons. The primary reason we moved is because my husband is French and his family is here. Secondly, his father was very ill and my husband wanted to be with him before he passed away. (Sadly, mission accomplished.) Thirdly, my daughter was accepted to The American University of Paris. So, off we went. We originally moved to Annecy, France and moved into my husband’s parent’s house. That, uhh, didn’t go so well, so we are now living in Paris. Before I moved to Paris in September 2013, I spent the entire month of August reading books on Paris. What I discovered before moving into Paris and have now realized is true, is that it takes a sense a humor to live in Paris.

Nothing will “go smoothly” in Paris. At least not on the first go around, that is. To get something accomplished in Paris it takes three or four attempts… Even for French people. Something is always closed, someone you need to speak with is always on a two hour lunch break, you don’t have the right paperwork, something was lost in translation, you didn’t provide enough information, you’re doing something the “wrong” way, you’re expecting too much, you’re in the wrong neighborhood, blah blah blah. I shouldn’t complain about living in the most beautiful city in the world because the good outweighs the bad. However, I thought it would be fun to detail the good versus the bad about living in Paris. It’s not all macaroons and roses.

 Let’s start with the good…

Good: If you buy something in Paris… A lipstick, a cake, a T-shirt, a perfume… It is always always always delicately wrapped to perfection. Even if it is not a gift, it is now. Don’t expect the salesperson to quickly throw something in a bag and you can be on your way. Not going to happen. (You’re not at Walmart.) Dedicate an extra five minutes to everything because your purchase is busy being "coiffed"… including your sandwich. Love this.

Bad: Parisian cafés apparently have a hard time with the concept of ice. If you order a drink, you will get no ice. If you “rudely” ask for ice, you are going to get two miniscule cubes that melt within seconds. Hate this.

Good: Parisian gardens are not for drug dealers. Parisian gardens are for mothers with their children, elderly people, chic hobos, dogs, workers on a break from their jobs, lovers, rich people relaxing and families. I never feel like I have to “watch my back” in Parisian gardens. And everyone throws away their trash. Love this.

Bad: I don’t like when Paris tries to Americanize itself. I don’t like seeing Starbucks, food trucks, juice bars or Chipotle in Paris. I do, however, go to every one of those examples on a weekly basis. Hate this.

Good: Museums are crowded. Why is this good? It’s good because it proves that culture, art and history are still respected and appreciated in Paris. I should also point out that crowds do not bother me at museums, because I get in first and free. First and free! Thank you ALS. Love this.

Bad: There is no Target, J.Crew, Whole Foods, Home Depot or Staples in Paris. Sometimes you just want to go to one shop for everything. There is an IKEA by the airport, but who goes to IKEA? (I do.) I want to choose to go to a boutique, not be forced to. Hate this.

Good: Gas station food. Swear to God, my husband actually looks forward to his “favorite carrot salad” at the gas station. French gas stations have toubouli salad, ham and cheese baguettes, café au lait, fresh croissants, gâteau au chocolat and fruit. Love this.

Bad: Gas station food. One time my husband was running into a French gas station and he asked me what I wanted. My response was, “A cherry Slurpie, nachos and a sweaty hot dog.” The look he gave me was priceless. Unfortunately, you’re not going to get any of that deliciousness in French gas stations. They don’t even have Doritos! How am I supposed to enjoy my road trip to Normandy without my Cool Ranch Doritos? Hate this.

Good: Parisian men dress well. Even Parisian teenagers. No one wears jeans so low that you can see their privates. No flip-flops. No baseball hats. No golf shirts. No printed tees. No tank tops. No gold chains. No board shorts. Parisian men seem to make an effort here… An effort all on their own. Fitted trousers, baby blue button-down shirts, scarves, respectable shoes, colorful blazers, chic shades, cool hair, no socks or colorful socks, suits and ties. Love this.

Bad: Everything is closed on Sundays. What the f*ck! Hate this.

Good: Everything is closed on Sundays. Parisians definitely enjoy their Sundays. Take Luxemburg Garden for example… Children are sailing their little boats in the pond, families are having a picnic on the lawn, the tennis courts are used, teenagers are making out and smoking cigarettes politely, boule is played with wine in hand, children’s playgrounds are packed, ice cream cones are licked, books are read leisurely in a perfect green garden chair, strolls are taken hand-in-hand, and the pace of Paris slows. Parisians even enjoy their Sundays in the winter…They just add hot chocolate. Love this.

Bad: I hate when French people take an American word and try to make it French. For example, le shopping, le week-end, le picnic, le jogging, le smoking. Hate this.

Good: No one tries to rush you out of a café. You can sit at a Parisian café nursing a cappuccino for four hours smoking 900 cigarettes if you want to. Love this.

 

Even if you don’t live in Paris or plan to visit Paris, it’s fun to see how Paris operates. It’s bizarre. There are a lot of entertaining books about this subject that I can recommend because I’ve read every single one of them… Here they are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I read all of those books… in a month and a half (except three of them I read later). Clearly, I had a lot of time on my hands…on account of my retirement (hint: ALS). They are all utterly entertaining and give you an unabashedly true slice of life in Paris. Guess what? You can purchase all of them in my Have Some Decorum Bookstore HERE.

Merci, Paris for a beautiful and interesting first year.

A toute!

Rue de chic

Rue de Chic I think fashion week brings out the worst in fashionistas. This is the first time I have ever been in Paris for fashion week and oh my God, it is horrific. It’s like everyone is trying to outdo each other and the results are embarrassing. I have never ever been a slave to fashion and honestly I don’t understand people who are. I hate fads. I also hate the phrase “on trend.” I think the best style is when you are not trying to look stylish. Just be. I am a jeans, cashmere sweater, leopard loafer kind of girl. I don’t go for the platform heels, cat eye makeup, hair extensions, super high waisted jeans, super low waisted or giant costume jewelry necklaces. Speaking of platform heels, at what point did we go from sexy feminine high heels to hooker heels as the norm? Jesus. I love sitting at a café and witnessing “street style.” Let’s check out some super stylish “regular” people and then let’s check out some fashionistas who are trying too hard.

Super chic, right? Super effortless chic. Okay now let's look at some little fashionistas who look like idiots.

You won't believe who the lady is in the two pictures above. Her name is Anna Dello Russo and she is the editor–at–large and creative consultant at Vogue Japan. Like this is who we are supposed to turn to for fashion advice? No thank you.

Someone's been flipping through too many fashion magazines.

Do you realize how much time it took her to look this ridiculous? Okay okay okay, enough judgment. Let's end on a good note. I love everything about this next picture.

Simply elegant, non? Stay tuned in the next few days for Have Some Decorum's debut of a new homepage. We had a little facelift.