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“You might be pretty but this is my city.” Ladies of London


 
*If you haven’t watched Ladies of London, do so now so we can discuss. Start with Season One and come back when you are up to date with Season Two.

It is a well-known fact that I’m completely obsessed with reality TV. I can barely watch regular TV and I think I could literally host a television show about anything on the Bravo network so if Andy Cohen ever gets the stomach flu, I could be his substitute at a moment’s notice. It’s sad and magnificent at the same time. My friends and I have full in-depth conversations about our favorite shows and then we feel like losers but we continue watching anyway. Hell, why not? It’s not like I don’t read books also! (Mostly cookbooks.) The good news is that the only American station I have in Paris is CNN so I get my forced daily dose of current events so don’t worry. By the way, I am most likely going to make the effort to vote for Donald Trump from all the way overseas… Just for fun. What do I care, I live in France. It will be like a whole new reality show. I watch Hulu as well but Hulu has American commercials and watching ads for Totino’s pizza rolls and Jack-in-the-Box greasy tacos and jalapeño poppers is just making me homesick and sad so I have to limit my time on Hulu.

I am getting a bit weary with The Housewives. They’re not rich enough anymore and I’m getting bored. And no one has slapped anyone in a very long time. But don’t get me wrong, I still watch every episode and my daughter and I are currently binge watching the Real Housewives of New York starting with Season One. I scared myself the other day because I realized that Kelly Bensimon and I have similar personalities. #ScaryIsland.

So, when Ladies of London began Season Two I was as thrilled as all get go. Finally, some class. Ha ha ha, I’m laughing as I write that but we have to admit that it is a step up from Ramona’s Pinot Grigio, Vicki’s fake flowers, Tamra’s white trash gym, Teresa’s prison sentence, Nene thinking that she’s rich but still lives in a subdivision, Countess Lou Anne’s turquoise statement necklaces, Brandy’s rental houses and Kyle’s faux St. Tropez white parties in her backyard.

Ladies of London makes me want to live in London so badly. It’s all cozy, tea time, turtleneck sweaters and fireplaces. It makes me want to go to the Chelsea Flower Show, inherit a country house and hire Amanda Brooks “to do the yard.” And whoever wrote the Ladies of London theme song is genius.

I am even going to go out on a limb and say that I like Ladies of London better than all the Housewives combined. Even if the Ladies of London argue, at least there’s a slightly intelligent conversation behind it except when Jules cried about Caroline telling her that she didn’t do a headstand as fast as Caroline. And I don’t give a shit if she has hypersensitive whatever. For fucks sake, get a grip and learn how to make hot chocolate by the way. Your children will thank you.

You know how everyone resonates with certain characters. Like on Sex and the City, which character describes you best? Or are you a combination? I am a combination of Carrie and Charlotte. On Ladies of London, I think I’m a combination of Caroline, Caroline and Annabelle.

Caroline Stanbury. My favorite character. I call them characters because I don’t actually think that they are real. I used to think she’s fat but she’s not, she’s actually super skinny, it’s just that her head, lips and ego are so big and that’s exactly what I like about her. In my delusional fictional life, Caroline S. and I are besties except that I hate the decor of her house but don’t tell her I said that. And by the way, if she is so rich, why isn’t her sweet husband financially bailing out her company, Gift Library, that is about to tank? #JustAsking.


Caroline Stanbury
 
Caroline Fleming I love because she can decorate, cook, dress and doesn’t give two fucks about anything. She doesn’t have to because she is Danish royalty. I do like how she gives everyone very genuine and real hugs. My favorite thing about her so far was when she just talked right over her therapist during her session. We both have a common love of coconut oil but I only use it for cooking. And I absolutely adore the way she doesn’t answer her doorbell until about the fourth ring after she’s finished everything she was doing. And honestly, I have never seen better blonde hair in my entire life. #Jealous


Caroline Fleming
 
Marissa. Hate. Everything. About. Her. My entire body cringes when I hear her fake English accent. Except that I love that she probably writes handwritten thank you notes and probably has everything monogrammed. I do like her husband a lot. He seems sweet and supportive of her hotdog dreams. #IWouldBullyHerInAmerica


Marissa
 
Juliet. Besides the fact that I cannot tell her apart from Jill Kargman, I can’t tell if I like her or not. No, I just made up my mind. I don’t like her. She’s a brown noser and I don’t think she truly expresses her real feelings because she’s afraid of Caroline S. I do, however, adore her little daughter Georgina. I wish they would just replace Juliet with her little girl as a main character. #AnnoyingAsFuck


Juliet
 

Jules. This is the girl that I relate to the least. She literally has no balls even if she bakes balls. My friend LC described her best: “…About that, yoga girl cries (and JESUS what an ugly crier, stop already!) and everyone is appalled.  Would you cry if your husband was going to inherit Mapperton?  No.  I mean, we'd cry about the bills, but fuck that we'd be cajoling, stealing or whatever we had to do to get that Green Chinoiserie Bedroom back up to speed.  For fucks sake.” #TooSensitive
 

Julie
 
Annabelle. Love because first of all my grandmother’s name was Annabelle and secondly I like her because she’s cool. I imagine she and I would be friends and at a fancy party we would sneak away and smoke ciggies and talk about everyone we hate at the party. I would probably spend the night at her house sometimes because she probably has cozy English bedding. And I like her grandma. #PerfectBangs

Annabelle
 
Caroline Stanbury’s sister-in-law, Sophie. Might be my favorite person on earth. Quite clearly a functioning alcoholic, smoking cigs outside of restaurants in the freezing cold London weather, only wants to have fun and has drop dead hair with brilliant layers and phenomenal eyebrows. #WhatMoreDoYouWantOutOfAWoman
 

Sophie
 
So those are my shallow thoughts of the day. Sorry and you’re welcome.

*Something you don’t know about me? It’s funny. In the summer of 2011, Yolanda and David Foster invited me to a hoity-toity party in the Hamptons. After I had just been introduced to former president Bill Clinton, I turned around and standing behind me was Kelly Bensimon waiting to be introduced to Mr. Clinton. All of a sudden I said, “Mr. Clinton, I would like you to meet my friend, Kelly.” Swear to God. I totally forgot that Kelly wasn’t my friend and that I only know her from the television! Isn’t that funny!

36 comments:

  1. You are a nut lol and I love you
    Lourdes

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  2. LOVE this post! I always think "oh, this is my favourite post" but then you come out with another......I have conversations with my family about the characters on other shows just like I know them, so glad to know I'm not alone! I don't watch this, but I will start! XX

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  3. Love this post - funny and honest! Plus if a woman doesn't havd a strong opinions on her favorite and least favorite Bravo-lebrities I foubt we'll be friends!

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  4. AND you had how many glasses of champagne before you did that??!!
    XO

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    1. Stone cold sober. So I have no excuse. :-)

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  5. Your observations are spot on...couldn't agree more! And, like you, I am embarrassed to admit that I pretty much only watch Bravo reality shows, I just can't quit them!

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  6. I feel the same way! Bored with the housewives and enjoying London. What makes the British ladies so tough? The Americans seem to be always whining about the dumbest things. Can't stand Marissa or Juliet. I thought the same thing about CS and her rich husband. Maybe he doesn't want to put all his eggs in one basket. Yoga lady I give a pass to until further review. Speaking of which I read somewhere that ratings are down on the London Ladies :( and they may not make another season. Let's get everyone to watch them. I can't get enough of the old estates and all the London sights. xoxoxo Elena

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  7. In what likely explains a lot, I struggle between being a Samantha and a Charlotte. I just never know what to expect. I agree with absolutely everything you've said on LoL. Caroline makes me laugh out loud, my favorite being "crying like the Titanic's taken the children". Julie needs help desperately with her yellow hair. I would bet she is insistent on using Aveda color, as that grocery store chrysanthemum shade is often attributed to a too weak, too natural Aveda blonde. Am I sick for missing Caprice? I love new Caroline so much, even if I don't like her black and cream kitchen. Also agree with you on housewives. I think it's run its course. New York was still really good this year though. I'll never get over Miami being canceled. That was my favorite. I loved how they would jump 2-3 different languages in the same argument. Juliet drives me insane and feel like she, more than anyone, needs some weed to just bring it down a notch. The way she recoils her neck and cocks her head when she's arguing with someone or trying to figure something out must give her terrible spasms.
    Do you watch Difficult People on Hulu? I think like .05% of the world finds it hilarious (me included) and then everyone else finds it repulsive and not a bit funny.

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    1. I have watched every single episode of Difficult People and I am clinically depressed that there are no more episodes as of yet. Brilliant show. You need to go to London to do Julie's hair.

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    2. I love Bravo too. I relate the most to Annabelle. She is so cool, calm and collected. Hard driving and very secure in her own skin. All the others are a bit off in one way or another. The combination of all the characters make the show interesting and keep me coming back.
      Susan

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    3. God I hope it comes to Australia .... its my kind of show!

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    4. Oh ... unlike the Ladies ( ? ) of London ... I am poor - so no foxtell or arena ! LOL

      * But ..... I am a true Lady .... sadly - they are not!

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  8. OK, you're scaring me now...ditto! I've warmed to Meghan (Do you think Vicki just didn't understand what "OG" meant when they added it to her tag line?) Sonja is my girl. I haven't been able to watch NJ since Teresa flipped the table...it's been all down hill since then. I stopped watching ATL when it became clear I'd never recognize any place they were filming, and that's my home turf. On the other hand, even though they cut & paste the city up each week, I recognize everywhere Todd Chrisley films. I need say no more than Yolanda is my everything. I do have one question. Do you understand why Bravo thought we'd be interested in what goes on Below Deck? I'd rather see what's happening in the staterooms! Hugs!!!

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  9. I think you might be losing your mind. Literally.
    Trump?
    And how can you have the same personality as Kelly Bensimon and also be a mix of Carrie and Charlotte AND Caroline and Annabelle. In no way could you fit all of that crazy into one human being - just saying.
    I too have a serious addiction to reality TV. I'm obsessed with all of it, it is a problem. I can't wait for the OC reunion.
    Seriously though, see someone, and don't vote Trump.

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    1. OMG, Ditto re Trump. The world is in enough trouble, it doesn't need the leader of the free world to be a NARCISSIST! Google it. Psychiatrists say run, don't walk from a narcissist -- one of the very worst mental illnesses out there!

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  10. Love, love your post. So spot on. Love Lol. Housewives are tired. Marissa is boring. Juliet tires too hard. And Juliet needs soo much help. Bring Sophie on full time!

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  11. THANKYOU for this post. Ladies of London is my favourite show atm. I watched the episode last night where everyone was workshopping the NYE party, Caroline flew to Denmark to see her Grandma, the other Caroline had dinner with her Turkish husband and worried about repaying the debenture, Marissa was photographed holding a hot dog and asking the nanny to get the kids dressed, Juliet played tennis and Julie wondered if she could market her JUB balls properly. Annabel always seems a bit sad. I am obsessed with Danish Caroline's house- so chic, and I agree her hair is perfection.

    Like Stephen Andrew, I too am disappointed in Julie's hair. And I worry that Juliet's status anxiety will End in what can only be described as Tears.

    Can you please advise me which marriages you think will end in divorce?

    I could honestly discuss this show 24/7. What a pit you don't live in Brisbane Australia.

    Do you follow all the Ladies on Instagram? Juliet's is pretty good.

    Yours in Ladies of London Solidarity, xxxxx

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  12. PS. I went to Bumpkin in Chelsea in mid 2013, but I did not see Marissa.

    That is all.

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  13. Love Bravo and loved your post. Your recaps rock - the profanity & hash tags add to their entertainment value. I agree with everything you said about all the housewives - Juliet is annoying, Caroline F is perfect, Caroline S is terribly insecure (she hates it when anybody tops her or gets more attention), etc. Hugs.

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  14. I am unabashedly fascinated with Bravo Reality TV and LoL has been a nice change of scenery. Literally the scenery! I’m in a London (estate) state of mind.

    Caroline S. has a way with words and you never know what’ll come out next, except that you know it's coming once you get the “I know where all the bodies are buried” look. Her house? I’m not crazy about it either, except for her shoe closet. If she needs financial capital…liquidate half the shoe closet! I guess her investment banker husband isn’t stepping in because he knows when and when not to stop the bleeding.

    Baroness Caroline talking over the therapist was revelatory. I hope she plays it back on DVR. Oh, and she does have THEE BEST blonde hair (Stephen Andrew what’s her formula!?)

    My favorite line was from the quick-witted little Georgina, in response to her Mom Juliet saying, "What am I minced meat?" No you’re "best at bossing everyone around". SNAP!

    I’d like to be friends with Annabelle too. Maybe she’d spill the beans about marrying a Rothschild or dating Lord Spencer-Churchill.

    P.S. The genius behind the music is Daniela Facchiano (Brit musician). Lastly, Similar personalities with K Bensimon? Having a hard time believing.

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  15. You have cheered me immeasurably this morning, Ellie. I'm not a fan of the reality crap (but glad you are because you've made my day with this post!), but I just got back from my son's wedding on Cape Cod and I am sad and feeling really sorry for myself and homesick. Pathetic. Thanks for the bright ray of sunshine! Stay warm - I flew into Paris yesterday and got the train down but it was freezing up there! By the way, that final story about introducing that Bensimon woman to Clinton as your friend is brilliant. Also, please don't vote for Trump! You, of all people, must object to him even if based on aesthetics alone.....he might as well have stepped straight from buffoonland with his lack of manners and his very bad hair. ;-)

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  16. I agree with you!! But may I just add this: Marissa and Juliet need voice coaching - they're both shameful. I think they're appearance is England's joke on America. I think we should kidnap both of their husbands and give them a 2-week break from that 'noise'. Putting those two, plus Jules and her balls, on a series pitted against a lovely Danish baroness who dances circles around everyone (watch her cooking w/chefs on Danish TV - she's a superstar), Stanbury's elitist attitude (I adore her and she's cool as shit), Annabelle's perfectionism and Sophie's cool, pretty ass? Who allowed this? Out of embarrassment, I can only watch with one eye every time Julie, Marissa or Juliet opens their mouth. But I'm hooked! p.s. could you please tell us more about mingling w/ Clinton at a party...

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  17. Thanks for the heads up on this show! I had no idea. I love the #ScaryIsland...and the anecdote about introducing your friend Kelly to Bill Clinton...
    :)

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    1. Have not seen it but will now...if we get it here!!
      With every post you make my day!!

      Xo xo and prayers always, Loreen

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  18. Wait, I cannot believe that no one has asked this yet...but did The Bill hit on you? ;)

    And you already know that I tend to take things waaaay too seriously so I am just going to let that little joke about Dump, I mean Trump, slide away as if it had never existed. *poof! it's gone* How about that?

    Even though I have never seen a single one of these shows (although wow, if they ever do one called The Meanest Parisiennes, I'm in), I did click over to the Bravo website to try and check this one out but got the MOST annoying repeated announcement in a super calm voice "We're sorry this continent is not available..." Over and over. It gave me the goosebumps. I have seen the future and it is robotic.

    PS. I think that we need to start a Kickstarter fund to get Stephen Andrew to London and then lobby for him to be on the show.

    Sending so much Love and Strength to you, now, everyday, always...
    H

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    1. I was starting to feel so uncomfortable because like you, I had NEVER, EVER, watched any of these shows but I'm about to give it a try... I was re-reading Ellie's posts, because I miss her... and I decided to comment... what are the chances of you, Heather Robinson, ever reading it? Probably none... but who knows!

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  19. Ellie something must be really wrong with me because I don't even know how to watch this in the States, Hulu I imagine because it's not on Netflix! I have to start binging on it because it DOES sound like the best of all the Housewives shows!
    Oh and I need to get their Instagram accts so I can stalk them there!!

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena
    Palm Beach Chic

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  20. Great post on the Ladies. I also love Bravo. The ladies are a mix and quite fun.

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  21. Love LOL, they are way better than housewives I also love Millionaire listing just to see the houses. Love your honesty no bullshit approach it must be the Aries in us. Am voting for Trump too so you're not alone.

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  22. Ok this is going to be fun watching! I had never heard of the show...what rock have I been under?! Love the story about you at the party introducing Bill Clinton to Kelly Bensimon!!! I made a similar faux pas when I started chatting with a gentleman from our ski club and wondered why he seemed distant....well he wasn't from our ski club he was a major network anchor man, hee hee:)...thought he looked familiar...

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  23. I too have an addiction to reality TV, and slowly I am becoming addicted to your posts. You are too much! Out of this world! We all LOVE it!! Im emailing Andy and telling him he needs you for backup!

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  24. Carolina Whats-zer-name? I may have read it incorrectly or might have blacked out a little when I began to read that paragraph. No, I don't think you're like that person in the least. She has neither wit nor charm. Just a ton of personality issues, a sharp tongue, and a very sad person.

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  25. I love this show also. And everything Bravo. I need to catch up on season 2. What I really want to know is what do you think of Marissa's Mew House? I've been obsessing about it lately.

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  26. Ellie, I loved your blog before but now that I know you love Ladies of London as much as I do.. I now know that we are kindred spirits. Caroline S is my favourite because she's a total bitch & owns it. Also, she knows just about everybody from the Bravo/ high brow reality tv world - great instagram to follow!

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  27. Ellie, this is SO good. Tots agree that the Real Housewives aren't rich enough to be interesting anymore (if they ever were). The only one who has any level of taste is your BFF, YH. She gets it. But I'm not surprised; birds of a feather, as they say.

    Which brings me to something that I would just LOOOVE for you to write about: can you please, please, please (once you're settled in Santa Barbara), do some sort of breakdown on Heather Dubrow's most recent housing disaster/monstrosity? Every time I see a photo of her gleefully posing in her new mausoleum, I think to myself, "What would Ellie say!?" It galls me to no end that she is the character on the RHOC that is designated as "classy & sophisticated." Barf. This could be like your delightful article on the abominable AD issue that covered the Kardashians (which established me as your lifelong fan, btw)!

    Hope your move goes smoothly. Looking forward to having you State-side once again.

    xo
    M

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